New Day Jokes - Page 9 - Worst Jokes Ever

Hey guys! Just a reminder that the guy below me is a crying bitch! Have a good day!

Hey, guys! Just a quick reminder to spread kindness today and treat others how you want to be treated!

Rate your day on a scale of 1-10 in the comments below. Mine was about a 7. Also, can you guys please comment [on] what you guys want me to cover in these little messages? Sometimes it's hard to tell if you guys like that I'm doing this kind of stuff or not.

One day my dog died because we couldn't find him. Then we got a cat on the same day. Then my cat went missing, and when I was crying, we heard our Asian neighbor was having a party. Then we went over and I saw my dog and cat on the grill, and they ate them in front of me, saying "yum yum doggy in my tummy and cat in my tummy as well."

I woke up one day to find handcuffs on my bed. Turns out, the girl I drugged yesterday escaped.

What do you call field day in Africa?

The Hunger Games.

What does one orphan say to another orphan on Opposite Day? "Do you want to go home?"

My mom and dad: KIDS COME DOWNSTAIRS TO EAT! Me: What's for dinner? Mom and Dad: Food.

The next day KIDS COME DOWNSTAIRS FOR FOOD! My brother and sister: What's for dinner? Me: Food ;-;

Pornhub suggesting me MILF on Mother's Day...

Wanna know something the orphan could never do?

Wish anyone a happy Mother’s Day or Father’s Day.

I stole my friend's amnesia medication the other day, he was pretty pissed.

But I reminded him of the age-old mantra: "Forgive and forget!"

I was sitting in traffic the other day.

Probably why I got run over.

One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Claus,

"Please send me a sibling!"

Santa Claus wrote him back and said, "Okay, send me your mother!"

Why is an orphan's least favorite day field trip day?

Because they can't get a parent's signature.

So the other day, I saw a child in a wheelchair.

He was getting bullied a lot, so I came up and said, "Why don't you stand up to those bullies?"

So the other day my black friend and I were working on a group project. He was so slow so I whipped him to make him faster.

This man has been through all kinda shit in his life. So one day, he finally looks at himself in the mirror and says, "If another person looks at me again, I'm going to kill myself." He looks at himself and no one ever heard from him again.

I saw this kid who looked depressed, so I threw a torch at him. I thought I would brighten up his day.

me: calls suicide hotline. hotline lady: suicide hotline, how are you doing today? me: not much, just hanging.

One day, a priest and a nun went to play golf together.

In the first shot, the priest missed his shot and said, "Fuck, I missed it!"

The nun replied, "Hey, you should not curse."

In the second shot, the priest missed his shot again and said, "Fuck, I missed again!"

The nun replied, "Hey, stop swearing, or else God will punish you."

In the next shot, the priest missed once again. He shouted, "Fuck this, this game is bullshit!"

The nun replied, "Enough! God is definitely going to punish you anytime now."

Suddenly, a thunderbolt struck the nun and killed her. The clouds separated from the sky, and there was a voice in the sky saying, "Oh, fuck, I missed!"