Once when I was 6 I had a massive crush on a girl in my grade. She liked me too, and we kissed under a tree. Next day, same spot, but now she's pregnant. That stupid dad stole my girl
A limbless man sat on the side of a lake everyday. He had no hands or no legs. One day he was crying when a woman was walking by and saw that he was upset, so she asked if he was okay. He replied, "No." The woman said, "Well, what's wrong?" The limbless man said, "I've never been hugged by anyone ever." So the woman, out of kindness, hugged the man. "Are you okay now?" she asked. "No," the man replied. So again the woman asked him what was wrong. He answered, "I've never been kissed before." The woman eagerly gave him a peck on the lips and asked, "Are you okay now?" The man shook his head sadly. The woman asked him what was wrong for the third time. The man said, "I've never been fucked." The woman looked at him, picks him up, throws him in the lake, and says, "Now you are!"
What is the difference from a orphan and a mailman The mailman goes home at the end of the day
Its opposite's day today, I gonna tell a orphan that their parents are here.
What did John say to little timmy! Happy Disable day
I am going to be a ghost for Halloween, I actually want to be a ghost every day, because at least ide be dead.
9/11 2001... that day was fire🔥
Man with cancer: How much time do I have left? Doctor: Ten. Man: Weeks? Months? Days? Doctor Nine, eight, seven...
One day my mom told me not to be an acter i said but mommy i will make alot of money!
I was in a motivational seminar about depression the other day and she said i could be anything i wanted to be if i put my mind to it, sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and do it even if it's messy
The guy in the wheelchair at my gym can do so many pull-ups with the wheelchair on, but I said to him "Don't skip leg day."
I told a crying kid to wipe his tears and come back smiling. He never came back the next day, says the local news.
why does joe only have 264 days in his calendar? because he cant celebrate fathers day.
One day, Billy's teacher asked him, " I heard your mom had a baby. What did she have?" Billy paused and thought for a moment and said, "I think she had a bicycle."
"Now Billy, you know that your mom didn't have a bicycle. What did she have?"
"Maybe it was a tricycle."
"Billy, don't stand there and lie to me. We're going to the principal's office right now!" >The teacher grabbed Billy, and escorted him to the principal's office and explained what happened. The principal looked sternly at Billy and said, " Stop lying, Billy. You know your mom didn't have a bicycle or a tricycle. What did your mother have?"
Billy looked up, fear in his eyes and said, "Well, maybe she had a go-cart."
That was more than enough. "I'm calling your mother right now!"
Soon, Billy's mother arrived at the principal's office. "It seems that Billy has decided to start telling lies. His teacher asked him what you recently had, and he said a bicycle, then a tricycle, then a go-cart!"
Billy's mother teared up, and through her sobs, replied to the principal and teacher, "No. Sadly, I had a miscarriage."
Billy sat up straight and said, "I ***KNEW*** that damn thing had wheels!"
This the song we all misunderstood: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2S0QhGGO1gQ
"He said one day, you'll leave this world behind. So live a life you will remember. My father told me when I was just a child, these are the nights that never die. My father told me."
Whenever I think about it deeply it makes me wanna cry :(
Normal Kids: Today is a lovely day Emo kids: Here lies Chris he shot himself
So There was a male whale and a female whale swimming threw the ocean .One day the male whale sees a ship and says "that's the ship that killed my parents" . So they go to the ship and blow the ship over and throw the men overboard into the sea. The male whale sees the man who killed his parents and he was still alive so he opened his mouth and went for the man but out nowhere the female whale yells. " HEY!!, I was in it for the blowjob but I'm not gonna eat sea men"
What do orphans and olden day actors have in common? Both get food thrown at them some of the time.
one day, a class of children were killed in a bus accident, but only some survived. One was praying that he would survive, and the other said,"First time?"
September 11th. #BringYourPlaneToWorkDay
