Dating jokes

Straight men change their girlfriends like they change their undies. So, about once a month.

On a scale of 1 to America, how free are you tonight?

When you met her first before your parents met each other. (In the case of your mom dating her dad).

What do girls and rocks have in common?

The flat ones get skipped.

What's the best thing about an orphan GF?

You don't have to meet her parents.

I once dated a math teacher. It turned out she was nothing but problems.

Is it weird that a milk carton has a date, and I don’t?

Are you a volcano? Because you're hot and I really lava you!

I'm 34 and I went on a date with my 19 year old girlfriend. I got heckled with "you're a paedophile!" and "you sick F...!" Completely ruined our 10th anniversary!

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench.

After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"

Men should pay for the first date, that’s why it’s called a (men)u.

Then women should do the dishes, that’s why they call it a dish wash(her).

What's the difference between having sex with my girlfriend and a baby?

I don't have a girlfriend.

Gwen: Hi sir, how are you?

Tj: Good... you?

Gwen: I am super duper good! And where is your date? It seems like you need one 😉!

Tj: 😏.

Gwen: Here, this is your guest hall pass...you may...come in my friend!

Tj: Thanks but um, don't you think you should be um getting inside too?

Gwen: 🙁 No thanks sir but I have to work...I am the staff so bye! 😁.

Tj: NO!!!!!!

1 day later.

Gwen: 🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤰🤰🤰👩‍👧‍👦

Women be like men should pay for first dates, then get mad when you do...

Why do orphans make the best girlfriends?

Because they don't need permission from their parents.

Helen Keller once dated a brick wall.

"I work with animals," a man said on his Tinder date. "That's so sweet," she replies. "I love a man who works with animals. Where do you work?" "At the butcher shop!"

What's the difference between a Ranga and a Brick?

A Brick can get laid.

Why do Indian guys never have gfs? Because they always pick curry and biryani over girls.

An HDMI cable and an electrical outlet went on a date. It didn't go well, because they couldn't connect.