Dating jokes

What's the difference between my girlfriend and my sister?

There is no difference.

So I was sitting at a bar, right? That fucking waitress came again, and guess what? She brought the wrong drinks again. So I send her away to get the correct drinks. And she came back again, with the wrong drinks!! Obviously, she was retarded. Anyways that's the story about how I met your mother.

Why can't Pooh Bear catch a date?

Because he is always talking about his honey.

A teenage guy is taking a girl to a dance. First, he goes to buy her flowers, but there’s a really long line at the florist. Finally, he buys them.

Then, he goes to rent a tux, but there’s a really long line for that, too. After a few hours, he gets the tux.

That night, he picks up the girl and they go to the school for the dance. There’s a long line to get in that goes halfway around the school. A while later, they finally get in. They dance and talk for a while, then the guy gets thirsty, so he goes over to the table to get punch. There is no punch line.

Sex sex sex free sex tonight, I mean 666-3629.

Straight men change their girlfriends like they change their undies. So, about once a month.

When you met her first before your parents met each other. (In the case of your mom dating her dad).

On a scale of 1 to America, how free are you tonight?

What do girls and rocks have in common?

The flat ones get skipped.

What's the best thing about an orphan GF?

You don't have to meet her parents.

I once dated a math teacher. It turned out she was nothing but problems.

Is it weird that a milk carton has a date, and I don’t?

Are you a volcano? Because you're hot and I really lava you!

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench.

After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"

Men should pay for the first date, that’s why it’s called a (men)u.

Then women should do the dishes, that’s why they call it a dish wash(her).

What's the difference between having sex with my girlfriend and a baby?

I don't have a girlfriend.

Gwen: Hi sir, how are you?

Tj: Good... you?

Gwen: I am super duper good! And where is your date? It seems like you need one 😉!

Tj: 😏.

Gwen: Here, this is your guest hall pass...you may...come in my friend!

Tj: Thanks but um, don't you think you should be um getting inside too?

Gwen: 🙁 No thanks sir but I have to work...I am the staff so bye! 😁.

Tj: NO!!!!!!

1 day later.

Gwen: 🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤰🤰🤰👩‍👧‍👦

An HDMI cable and an electrical outlet went on a date. It didn't go well, because they couldn't connect.

Why do Indian guys never have gfs? Because they always pick curry and biryani over girls.

"I work with animals," a man said on his Tinder date. "That's so sweet," she replies. "I love a man who works with animals. Where do you work?" "At the butcher shop!"