Dating jokes
Why are Black women dating white men?
So their kids don’t have to worry about not meeting their father.
Can two high-femme lesbians go on a date with each other?
Yes, but it will take them forever to get ready.
BF: Babe, I have two questions.
GF: Ok, ask!
BF: Where have you been all my life?
GF: Aww, that's so sweet. And the second question?
BF: Can you please go back there?
I just wish I went on a date with Ariana Grande, and then everybody knew I fucked Ariana Grande.
Why does the basketball never get a date?
Because they dribble.
I'm 43 and my date is 19. A man rudely comes up to our table and calls me a pedophile. I told him to fuck off, this is our 10th anniversary.
What do you call a seven who's not feeling well? A sick seven
Where did Sally go after stepping onto the minefield? Everywhere
Getting a girlfriend is just like parking a car; usually all the good ones are taken, so you just gotta stick it in the disabled one and hope nobody notices.
Why did the duck not enjoy his restaurant date?
Because he didn't want to see the bill.
I'm 34 and I went on a date with my 19 year old girlfriend. I got heckled with "you're a paedophile!" and "you sick F...!" Completely ruined our 10th anniversary!
I once asked a sketchy man at a bar for some relationship advice. He simply replied, "They're all dead hookers once they're in the trunk."
Which planet would I consider dating?
I don’t know, but not Saturn because she’s already got a ring on her.
What's the difference between my girlfriend and my sister?
There is no difference.
So I was sitting at a bar, right? That fucking waitress came again, and guess what? She brought the wrong drinks again. So I send her away to get the correct drinks. And she came back again, with the wrong drinks!! Obviously, she was retarded. Anyways that's the story about how I met your mother.
Why can't Pooh Bear catch a date?
Because he is always talking about his honey.
A teenage guy is taking a girl to a dance. First, he goes to buy her flowers, but there’s a really long line at the florist. Finally, he buys them.
Then, he goes to rent a tux, but there’s a really long line for that, too. After a few hours, he gets the tux.
That night, he picks up the girl and they go to the school for the dance. There’s a long line to get in that goes halfway around the school. A while later, they finally get in. They dance and talk for a while, then the guy gets thirsty, so he goes over to the table to get punch. There is no punch line.
Sex sex sex free sex tonight, I mean 666-3629.
Are you a volcano? Because you're hot and I really lava you!
Straight men change their girlfriends like they change their undies. So, about once a month.
On a scale of 1 to America, how free are you tonight?
What's the best thing about an orphan GF?
You don't have to meet her parents.