Dating jokes

My last relationship ended because my ex-girlfriend accused me of being a rapist. I'm not upset. To be honest, I didn't like her anyway. She kept telling me I never listen, or something like that.

Your mom was dating a boy that had a twin brother, but she did it with the wrong one.

Pick up lines.

"One fish, two fish, three fish, I’m breaking up with you, b*tch!"

"Hey there little mister, I’m dating your sister."

Visiting Alabama? Pop-up dating ads be like: "Never be lonely at cousinsonly.com."

"Hey, is that a peach?"

*gets slapped on the butt*

"Noted."

Hello, I'm Ariana. I'm looking for someone. Anyone wanna date me?

Ariana

Who needs dating apps when you have family reunions?

There is this cute Russian girl in my class, yet she hasn't asked me out for vodka.

Why does the basketball never get a date?

Because they dribble.

Who wants to be my boyfriend?

Why is it so hard to break up with a Japanese girl?

You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets it.

I would kiss your lips, but your legs are blocking the way.

If you know, you know. 😏😏

Hey girl, are your pants a mirror? 'Cause I can see myself in them.

Hey! My name is Microsoft. Can I crash at your place tonight?

Who cooks in a lesbian relationship?

Neither one of them, they eat out.

When your crush walks in class, but you're homeschooled...

I saw a pretty girl walking outside. I asked for her number.

We met up and began to have sex. She told me to turn over, which was weird. I felt a stinging pain in my ass all of a sudden.

Alicia: I said no already, quit it. You are thirsty, leave me alone creep.

Nathan: I wanna sex YOU.

Alicia: I LOVE DICK bud, you're *WEIRD*.

Nathan: WE-WE

Alicia: WEE-WEE?

Nathan: YES YES YES LETS FUCK NOW TAKE them panies off u said yes well in french but u said yes

Alicia: U tricked me I ain fucking u

Nathan: *SEX ME!! BITCH SEX ME OH PLEASE SEX ME SEX ME* *screaming saying it*

Alicia: *WEIRD*

Nathan: Dick ten inches and i geuss u cant call me *10 inched big long dick nathan* your lose

Alicia: WHAT NO.... wait? 10 inches yess

cauh!.cauh! ummm umm long dick goood unmmm couh coun ccccchhou

nathan: why do i have the urge to stick a chicken wing up yo pussy

cuugh umm

How are Tinder and orphans alike?

You swipe left till you find the one you like.

One day a woman met with a man behind an abandoned shop.

The man asked for some crack.

The woman turned around and said, "Here."

That's where the crack was, you guessed it.

The next day, she wiped it clean, ready for the next guest who "wanted crack."