Dating jokes
Why didn't Michael Jackson date 25 year olds?
Because there were only 20 of them.
Why did the duck not enjoy his restaurant date? Because he didn't want to see the bill.
Are you a walnut, because I'm about to nut all over your walls!
"I work with animals," a guy says to his date.
"That's so sweet," she replies. "I love a man who cares about animals. Where do you work?"
"I'm a butcher," he replies.
Girl, are you a rope? Because I want to hang with you.
I don't need a girlfriend, 'cause I got my cousin, bro.
I asked the gym trainer what type of machine I should use to get the best looking women.
He said the ATM outside.
What’s the benefit of dating a homeless woman?
You can drop her off anywhere.
Dating a girl and studying mathematics, both give a headache.
A couple is on their first date.
Man: How do you feel about sex?
Woman: I like it infrequently.
Man: I see. Is that one word or two?
Feel my shirt...it's boyfriend material.
Wanna play dolls?
I can be Ken, and you can be the box I come in.
I just wish I went on a date with Ariana Grande, and then everybody knew I fucked Ariana Grande.
How do you know when you are dating a cannibal?
You go to the beach, he offers to put suntan oil on you, and the brand name is Wesson.
You are having sex and he says he wants to eat your a$$ and you notice he is holding a knife and fork.
He invites you to his home to use the hot tub and it is heated by a wood fire.
You are having an argument and you say "bite me" and he starts to sharpen his teeth.
Alicia: I said no already, quit it. You are thirsty, leave me alone creep.
Nathan: I wanna sex YOU.
Alicia: I LOVE DICK bud, you're *WEIRD*.
Nathan: WE-WE
Alicia: WEE-WEE?
Nathan: YES YES YES LETS FUCK NOW TAKE them panies off u said yes well in french but u said yes
Alicia: U tricked me I ain fucking u
Nathan: *SEX ME!! BITCH SEX ME OH PLEASE SEX ME SEX ME* *screaming saying it*
Alicia: *WEIRD*
Nathan: Dick ten inches and i geuss u cant call me *10 inched big long dick nathan* your lose
Alicia: WHAT NO.... wait? 10 inches yess
cauh!.cauh! ummm umm long dick goood unmmm couh coun ccccchhou
nathan: why do i have the urge to stick a chicken wing up yo pussy
cuugh umm
What did Jeffrey Dahmer do after dumping his first boyfriend?
Why does sour cream have an expiration date?
If I told you, you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?
These days, dating life is hard. You put yourself out there, and it's hard to find someone. The only thing to do is turn to family.
Why’s it so hard to break up with a Japanese girl? You gotta drop the bomb twice.