Dating jokes

I used to date a girl named Ruth, but she broke up with me and now I am ruthless.

What is the worst thing you can find out about a woman on a first date?

She claims to have been raped. Then, you know to get as far away from her as possible because she's probably a feminazi bitch.

I once told Siri, "Hey Siri, why am I still single?" She opened the front camera.

One day I got home and told my girlfriend, "I cheated on you." She replied with, "F**k you!" I then said, "But you won't, that's why I cheated on you."

Why does Ms. Mushroom 🍄 go out with Mr. Mushroom 🍄?

Because he’s a fungi.

I like my women the way I like my coffee, and I don't drink coffee.

When I see lovers' names carved on a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.

Once an orphan got a girlfriend. He regretted it. She left him too.

I like my women like I like my wine. 16 years old and locked in a basement.

Let's play carpenter. First, we'll get hammered, then I'll nail you.

Are you a pirate? Because I have a lot of seamen waiting for you 😉

If you're in Alabama, family reunions are basically speed dating events.

Hey, are you suicide? Because I want to do you!

Visiting Alabama? Pop-up dating ads be like: "Never be lonely at cousinsonly.com."

Wanna play shark attack? I eat, you scream!

Are you a keyboard? Cause you're my type.

what did the woman do after meeting up with a rapist?

sue the dating site for matching her with him.

I like my dates like I like my wine...

Locked in a cellar and aged for 12 years.

What did the cow and bull do for their first date? - Dinner and a Moovie.

Can all the hot, depressed, suicidal guys just text me so we can meet up and cry together about how depressed we are. For real.