Dating jokes

I asked my brother who is autistic how he found his gf. He said on a special website.

"I work with animals," the man said to his date.

His date said, "I love a man who works with animals. What job is it for the animal?"

"I am a butcher," said the man.

Chat date for Tenya and Jordan.

My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my other girlfriend.

I heard oxygen and magnesium were dating, and I was like, "OMg!"

One twin tower had a girlfriend. The other twin tower had the same girlfriend, so they both went down.

Dating 101:

Here's what you do:

1. Dinner. 2. Kiss. 3. Movie. 4. Sex. 5. Bring her back home. 6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting.

Girls are like blackjack.

I always want 21 but end up hitting on 14.

Been single for a couple of years and then I met this Muslim girl. She soon put the spark back into things.

Can two high-femme lesbians go on a date with each other?

Yes, but it will take them forever to get ready.

Why are Black women dating white men?

So their kids don’t have to worry about not meeting their father.

I just wish I went on a date with Ariana Grande, and then everybody knew I fucked Ariana Grande.

BF: Babe, I have two questions.

GF: Ok, ask!

BF: Where have you been all my life?

GF: Aww, that's so sweet. And the second question?

BF: Can you please go back there?

Why does the basketball never get a date?

Because they dribble.

The popular girl told me, "I bet your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory!"

Two weeks later, she shows up pregnant.

...

I guess her rubber broke too.

You should never date a prospector. They're all just gold diggers.

Why did the duck not enjoy his restaurant date?

Because he didn't want to see the bill.

I'm 34 and I went on a date with my 19 year old girlfriend. I got heckled with "you're a paedophile!" and "you sick F...!" Completely ruined our 10th anniversary!

I once asked a sketchy man at a bar for some relationship advice. He simply replied, "They're all dead hookers once they're in the trunk."

Which planet would I consider dating?

I don’t know, but not Saturn because she’s already got a ring on her.