Dating jokes
Why can't I get a girlfriend?
Because I'm a beta male simp.
Some girls are like rocks.
You skip the flat ones.
Trystan Leonard is going out with Katelynn O'Toole.
Do you have a shovel? Because I'm digging that ass.
A guy asks a girl to go to a dance. She agrees, and he decides to rent a suit. The rental has a long line, so he waits and waits, and finally he gets his suit.
He decides to buy flowers, so he goes to the flower shop. The flower shop has a long line, so he waits and waits, until he finally buys flowers.
He picks up the girl and they go to the dance. There is a long line into the dance, so they wait and wait.
Finally, they get into the dance, and the guy offers to get the girl a drink. She asks for punch, so he goes to the drink table, and there is no punch line.
Son: Mom, can I get $100 for a week?
Mom: Why do you need $100 for a week?
Son: I'm going on a date, and I need $100 for a week, please.
Mom: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Go on your date now. You got $1, so go.
Son: And you got $0.00.
Q: How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her?
A: She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles.
How can a person from Alabama tell that someone is an illegal immigrant?
If they are dating someone that isn't related to them.
What's one thing that you can say about a train, but not your girlfriend?
Stephen Hawking went on a date and came back with a broken leg. I can't believe she stood him up.
Are you an archaeologist? Because I’ve got a bone for you to examine.
Visiting Alabama? Pop-up dating ads be like: "Never be lonely at cousinsonly.com."
Men should pay for the first date, that’s why it’s called a (men)u.
Then women should do the dishes, that’s why they call it a dish wash(her).
Why do men give cold women their jackets?
No man wants a blowjob from a woman with chattering teeth.
The furniture store keeps calling me back... But all I wanted was that one nightstand.
You know why they call me 007?
0 girls.
0 chances.
7 restraining orders.
When you send your girl a dick pic, but she says it's small, so you text back and say:
"Enjoy the little things."
Oxygen and potassium went on a date. I heard it was OK.
I like my men like I like my whiskey: Irish and put in a barrel for 2 years with barely any oxygen.
What does it mean when a man has a dodgy past? It means he has skeletons in his closet.
What does it mean when a man likes Lana Del Rey better than Ed Sheeran? It means he has a closet full of women's leather pants (but no women in their dating history).