Dating jokes

I like my women the way I like my coffee, and I don't drink coffee.

Welcome to the Friend Zone! It’s lonely here.

I wanna date you.

Said mom, dad said no, you are a horrid, f*cking d*ck.

Why do they call me a firefighter? Because I find them hot, and I leave them wet!

These days, dating life is hard. You put yourself out there, and it's hard to find someone. The only thing to do is turn to family.

What do you call a seven who's not feeling well? A sick seven

Where did Sally go after stepping onto the minefield? Everywhere

Getting a girlfriend is just like parking a car; usually all the good ones are taken, so you just gotta stick it in the disabled one and hope nobody notices.

Men should pay for the first date, that’s why it’s called a (men)u.

Then women should do the dishes, that’s why they call it a dish wash(her).

Johnny Depp once said in an interview: "I get older, my girlfriends stay the same age."

Maybe Johnny Depp's soulmate isn't born yet. We'll see in 20-25 years.

Are you a Chipotle bowl? Because I wanna eat you out.

I had a boyfriend once. He broke up with me because he "wanted to be more alive." I guess it didn't work when he went to my basement.

What happened to the woman who dated a rapist?

She was date raped.

Gwen: Hi sir, how are you?

Tj: Good... you?

Gwen: I am super duper good! And where is your date? It seems like you need one 😉!

Tj: 😏.

Gwen: Here, this is your guest hall pass...you may...come in my friend!

Tj: Thanks but um, don't you think you should be um getting inside too?

Gwen: 🙁 No thanks sir but I have to work...I am the staff so bye! 😁.

Tj: NO!!!!!!

1 day later.

Gwen: 🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤰🤰🤰👩‍👧‍👦

When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.

One day I got home and told my girlfriend, "I cheated on you." She replied with, "F**k you!" I then said, "But you won't, that's why I cheated on you."

Why did the orphan not have a girlfriend?

Because he thought that she would leave him too.

9/11 wasn’t the date, it was the score.

How can you tell that a blonde likes you? She only gives three fucking nights in a row.

Would you rather date me or a lady?

I laid deez nuts in your mouth.

So I was sitting on the couch with a woman, and I asked her, "Does this napkin smell like chloroform?"

Welcome to Blind Date. With me, Stevie Wonder!