I heard oxygen and magnesium were dating, and I was like, "OMg!"
Dating Jokes
Been single for a couple of years and then I met this Muslim girl. She soon put the spark back into things.
BF: Babe, I have two questions.
GF: Ok, ask!
BF: Where have you been all my life?
GF: Aww, that's so sweet. And the second question?
BF: Can you please go back there?
I just wish I went on a date with Ariana Grande, and then everybody knew I fucked Ariana Grande.
Why does the basketball never get a date?
Because they dribble.
The popular girl told me, "I bet your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory!"
Two weeks later, she shows up pregnant.
...
I guess her rubber broke too.
Why are Black women dating white men?
So their kids don’t have to worry about not meeting their father.
You should never date a prospector. They're all just gold diggers.
Who needs dating apps when you have family reunions?
Why did the duck not enjoy his restaurant date?
Because he didn't want to see the bill.
I once asked a sketchy man at a bar for some relationship advice. He simply replied, "They're all dead hookers once they're in the trunk."
Which planet would I consider dating?
I don’t know, but not Saturn because she’s already got a ring on her.
What's the difference between my girlfriend and my sister?
There is no difference.
So I was sitting at a bar, right? That fucking waitress came again, and guess what? She brought the wrong drinks again. So I send her away to get the correct drinks. And she came back again, with the wrong drinks!! Obviously, she was retarded. Anyways that's the story about how I met your mother.
Why can't Pooh Bear catch a date?
Because he is always talking about his honey.
A teenage guy is taking a girl to a dance. First, he goes to buy her flowers, but there’s a really long line at the florist. Finally, he buys them.
Then, he goes to rent a tux, but there’s a really long line for that, too. After a few hours, he gets the tux.
That night, he picks up the girl and they go to the school for the dance. There’s a long line to get in that goes halfway around the school. A while later, they finally get in. They dance and talk for a while, then the guy gets thirsty, so he goes over to the table to get punch. There is no punch line.
Sex sex sex free sex tonight, I mean 666-3629.
Straight men change their girlfriends like they change their undies. So, about once a month.
On a scale of 1 to America, how free are you tonight?
When you met her first before your parents met each other. (In the case of your mom dating her dad).