Dating jokes

I had a boyfriend once. He broke up with me because he "wanted to be more alive." I guess it didn't work when he went to my basement.

I heard oxygen and magnesium were dating, and I was like, "OMg!"

Been single for a couple of years and then I met this Muslim girl. She soon put the spark back into things.

What did Bill Cosby say on the second date?

"Hi, nice to meet you."

I saw names carved into a tree and thought it was romantic. Until I realized how many people bring knives on dates.

BF: Babe, I have two questions.

GF: Ok, ask!

BF: Where have you been all my life?

GF: Aww, that's so sweet. And the second question?

BF: Can you please go back there?

I just wish I went on a date with Ariana Grande, and then everybody knew I fucked Ariana Grande.

Why does the basketball never get a date?

Because they dribble.

The popular girl told me, "I bet your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory!"

Two weeks later, she shows up pregnant.

...

I guess her rubber broke too.

Why are Black women dating white men?

So their kids don’t have to worry about not meeting their father.

You should never date a prospector. They're all just gold diggers.

Who needs dating apps when you have family reunions?

Why did the duck not enjoy his restaurant date?

Because he didn't want to see the bill.

I once asked a sketchy man at a bar for some relationship advice. He simply replied, "They're all dead hookers once they're in the trunk."

Which planet would I consider dating?

I don’t know, but not Saturn because she’s already got a ring on her.

What's the difference between my girlfriend and my sister?

There is no difference.

So I was sitting at a bar, right? That fucking waitress came again, and guess what? She brought the wrong drinks again. So I send her away to get the correct drinks. And she came back again, with the wrong drinks!! Obviously, she was retarded. Anyways that's the story about how I met your mother.

Why can't Pooh Bear catch a date?

Because he is always talking about his honey.

A teenage guy is taking a girl to a dance. First, he goes to buy her flowers, but there’s a really long line at the florist. Finally, he buys them.

Then, he goes to rent a tux, but there’s a really long line for that, too. After a few hours, he gets the tux.

That night, he picks up the girl and they go to the school for the dance. There’s a long line to get in that goes halfway around the school. A while later, they finally get in. They dance and talk for a while, then the guy gets thirsty, so he goes over to the table to get punch. There is no punch line.

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