Dating jokes
Why did tube date electricity? Because he would light up when she touched him.
Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.
I brought my girlfriend home and introduced her to my family. My kids liked her, but my wife seemed upset.
I once asked a sketchy man at a bar for some relationship advice. He simply replied, "They're all dead hookers once they're in the trunk."
What does a carpenter do after a one night stand?
The second nightstand.
As a 13 year old, online dating is a tough thing.
Every time I meet someone new, they end up in jail.
What's the best part of dating a homeless girl?
You can drop her off anywhere.
"How is your long distance relationship going?" -- "So far, so good."
I lent a hot girl my umbrella yesterday. That takes the number of girls I've made wet this year to -1.
If sex with three people is called a threesome and sex with four people is called a foursome, I guess now it's clear why everyone calls me handsome.
The furniture store keeps calling me back... But all I wanted was that one nightstand.
What does the cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?
He wipes his butt.
A guy finds a genie.
He says, "I wish I was better at talking to women."
"Poof!" the genie says, "You're gay!"
Whenever I have a one night stand, I always use protection.
A fake name and a fake phone number.
Why couldn't the lizard get a girlfriend?
Because he had a reptile dysfunction!