Are you a lollipop? Because I can suck on you all day. Are you an Oreo? Because I eat the cream first. Are you a microwave? Because I’m trying to keep you quiet at 3:00 am. Are you a sprinkler? Cause every time I see you I get wet. Are you makeup? Cause I’d spend hours doing you. Are you a guitar? Because I’d love to hear the noises you make when I play with you. Are you an elevator? Cause I wanna ride you up and down. Most restaurants are closed at night.. but your legs aren’t. I’m not a cashier, but you got a couple of things I wanna check out. Are you Cinderella? Because I can see that dress coming off at midnight. Are you a calendar? Because I want to pin you against the wall. I don’t know what’s gotten into me lately... but I hope it’s you. Are you a doughnut? Cause I wanna fill you with cream. Are you a garden? Cause I want to plant some seeds inside of you. Do you sing in the shower? Because if so I need a private ticket of your concert. Are your legs the twin towers? Because I’ll bomb what’s in between. Are you a blanket? Because your on top of me every night. Are you a phone? Cause I like to be on you 24/7. Are you a roller coaster? Because the faster you go, the louder I scream. I’m so jealous of your heart right now because it’s pounding inside of you and I’m not. Are you a popsicle? Cause all I want to do is lick you up and down. Are you a construction worker? Because you got me all bricked up. Are you a fireman? Because you came in hot and left me wet.
EVERYONE:
My boyfriend, Danny, broke up with me. Can some hot guy come, so I can interview them and see if they wanna date me?
HEY D.K. date ME NOT THAT WEIRDO FRESHFRY I LOOOOOOOOOVVVVVVVVEEEEEE UUUUUUUUUUU D.K. Lets DATE IM 13 ;)
My girlfriend broke up with me this morning and we just started dating yesterday.
Now she's having a breakfast.
I dated an Orphan and then later married him for 7 years until he told me he was an Orphan
Karien: Mom, I don't care if you're dating a new guy, I want you and Dad to be together!
Daiana: Sometimes things don't work out, like when it didn't work between your father and me. Time to move on Karien.
Karien: Will I'm not moving on! I can't believe you love someone else!
Daiana: Karien, just give him a chance. His name is Derek he loves cooking, cleaning, and anything that has you doing something.
Karien: That is so boring!
Daiana: Will just work with me please?
Karien: I'll give you a day...24 hours mom!
Your pretty let me take you on a date sike I lied your ugly and fried what you talking about
Attention- Has anyone noticed that Watersharky and Kitten are dating? Its strang because they havent said anything for 28 DAYS!!! They been keeping it a secret...(I guess) Someone needs to keep track of this. GOD I just thought further into life with their relationship DON'T DO THAT. Agent Chipmunk Out
As a son I set up a home date with my mom and my friend because I was going out of town. I set it up by telling my friend that my mom thinks he is cute and I told my mom that my friend thinks that she is hot. I came home the next day I see in the living room my friend giving it to my mom doggy style. I ask whats going on my mom said to me. Meet your new daddy, then my friend said to hey son get me a beer from the fridge.
I'm just gonna say it. And don't get offended but I'm so sick of the media bieng on the female side. It never shows what life is like for a male.
Yes women do have it hard in life because they have to give birth etc.
But men have it pretty hard too if not harder. Males are criticised for showing emotions.
Men have to go to war on the front lines.
Boys have less support from their friends because showing any emotion is a sign of weakness.
Boys have to wear trousers in schools where they practically burn to death in summer meanwhile girls get to wear dresses and skirts. And now we hear girls complaining about them not being allowed to wear trousers. Yet we haven't ever heard anything about boys protesting about wearing shorts to school. It's because no one will take a man's protest seriously because the media is always against the men.
Man-rape is unheard of in the media and I've never seen anything in any form of news accusing a woman as a rapist.
We are expected to gather up our guts ask a girl to be their girlfriend, we have to take them on dates, pay the bill, buy them gifts when the girls never do anything like that for us males. We have to get a job while they put on makeup and go out with their friends and spend 3 months worth of the money the man has made.
And the women say we only rape women and that we restrict women from doing certain things like fighting in world wars.
It's because most males do not want females to get hurt. Yet we are criticised for this.
I propose a idea that on the 19 of September every year (until we get the point across) all males do not go to work. etc.
Whose going to put out all the fires? The two fire'women' at the local fire station. Who is going to work in the major corporations? The secretary's and the receptionist?
Women are always saying that the world will be a better place if they're are no men around. Let's show them how wrong they are.
(this event can be done worldwide)
Share this with as many people who still believe in the rights of the males.
(I'm not against feminism it's just that everything in the media is about some stupid problem women are complaining about + hatred for males everywhere.
But I think that nowadays women have more rights than men because they can wear what they want, do what they want and never get criticised or face any consequences.)
How do you know when you are dating a cannibal?
You go to the beach, he offers to put suntan oil on you and the brand name is Wesson.
You are having sex and he says he wants to eat your a$$ and you notice he is holding a knife and fork.
He invites you to his home to use the hot tub and it is heated by a wood fire.
You are having an argument and you say "bite me" and he starts to sharpen his teeth.
3 boy chiwawa were hot about this girl chiwawa. She tells them I will date whichever one of you can use liver and cheese in the same sentence. First dog say... I love cheese but liver is bland. She replay.. Really original. Next dog.. I love liver but chesse makes me constipated.. She replay.. Ewe gross. Third dog steps up.. Man Liver alone cheese mine. Winner dog 3.
