Date jokes
Why is 10 scared of 11 and 9? Because he's in the middle of 9/11.
Who needs dating apps when you have family reunions?
Why are Alabamians so resentful of immigrants?
They don't want their sons and daughters to have sex with anyone other than their siblings or relatives.
This is not a joke. Stop online dating.
What does it mean when a man has a dodgy past? It means he has skeletons in his closet.
What does it mean when a man likes Lana Del Rey better than Ed Sheeran? It means he has a closet full of women's leather pants (but no women in their dating history).
Dating 101:
Here's what you do:
1. Dinner. 2. Kiss. 3. Movie. 4. Sex. 5. Bring her back home. 6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting.
How did the Emo ask the other Emo out?
"Wanna hang together?"
Why is the number 10 always scared?
Answer: He’s in the middle of 9/11.
Are you a lollipop? Because I can suck on you all day.
Are you an Oreo? Because I eat the cream first.
Are you a microwave? Because I’m trying to keep you quiet at 3:00 am.
Are you a sprinkler? Cause every time I see you I get wet.
Are you makeup? Cause I’d spend hours doing you.
Are you a guitar? Because I’d love to hear the noises you make when I play with you.
Are you an elevator? Cause I wanna ride you up and down.
Most restaurants are closed at night, but your legs aren’t.
I’m not a cashier, but you got a couple of things I wanna check out.
Are you Cinderella? Because I can see that dress coming off at midnight.
Are you a calendar? Because I want to pin you against the wall.
I don’t know what’s gotten into me lately, but I hope it’s you.
Are you a doughnut? Cause I wanna fill you with cream.
Are you a garden? Cause I want to plant some seeds inside of you.
Do you sing in the shower? Because if so, I need a private ticket of your concert.
Are your legs the twin towers? Because I’ll bomb what’s in between.
Are you a blanket? Because you’re on top of me every night.
Are you a phone? Cause I like to be on you 24/7.
Are you a roller coaster? Because the faster you go, the louder I scream.
I’m so jealous of your heart right now because it’s pounding inside of you and I’m not.
Are you a popsicle? Cause all I want to do is lick you up and down.
Are you a construction worker? Because you got me all bricked up.
Are you a fireman? Because you came in hot and left me wet.
How does Hellen Keller meet men?
She goes on blind dates.
A couple is on their first date.
Man: How do you feel about sex?
Woman: I like it infrequently.
Man: I see. Is that one word or two?
What is the shortest month of the year?
May, it only has 3 letters!
A blind woman tells her boyfriend that she’s seeing someone. It’s either terrible news or great news.
What did Jeffrey Dahmer do after dumping his first boyfriend?
Q. What do they call an ISIS terrorist who owns both a camel and a goat?
A. Bisexual.
10/7 is probably a spinoff of 9/11.
You can't convince me otherwise.
I dated a furry once.
The relationship didn't work out, she was a cheetah.
"I work with animals," the guy says to his Tinder date.
"That's so sweet," she replies. "I like a man who loves animals. Where do you work?"
"I'm a butcher," he says.
I dated a girl, and I didn’t know she was previously in an abusive relationship.
I thought she just REALLY hated high-fives.
9/11 wasn’t the date, it was the score.