"{[(Log date) 11 22 3] The Beginning} "This marks the first ever log of the Underground Fruit Association of n&c (ugfa). N, being code name for Nathaniel, and C, being code name for Connor. Our plan is to collect as many fruit cups as possible by the end of the year. This site will be a communication hub only and used for nothing else. We will plan and discuss courses of action, and collection." End of log"
Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar? They each got six months.
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye. Turns out she was seeing someone else the whole time.
I asked my phone why I couldn't get a date.
It showed a picture of myself.
Your mom was dating a boy that had a twin brother, but she did it with the wrong one.
Me: And this is the room I cry in.
Date: You've said that about every room.
Me: Correct!
Why does Joe only have 264 days in his calendar?
Because he can't celebrate Father's Day.
"Can we do 69?"
"How about we do 9/11 since we will crash together?"
I was walking this hot girl home, then she noticed me, then the walk turned into a run.
I am a God. Na, na, na, na, na, na. Yeah.
She's got makeup by the mirror in her bedroom, Thigh-high fishnets and some black boots, Nose pierced with the cigarette perfume, Half dead, but she still looks so cute. She is a monster in disguise, And she knows all the words to the trap songs, Takes pic's with a cherry-red lipstick, Says she only dates guys with a big..., mmm
POV: Wine Taster in hell.
I was sitting with the best wine ever made on the table in front of me. This silhouette begins to speak, "You have risen to be the most superb Wine Taster on Earth. Then you got run over by a truck hauling freshly made wine to a warehouse. Your crimes are as follows: you left your high school prom date with another man after you got her pregnant, you let your mother believe that the cat ran away after you drowned it in the pool, and you never got married. How do you plead?"
The man looked at the silhouette like it was a purple rabbit.
"Guilty," said the man, "but if you would be so kind would you at least tell me what the wine in front of me tastes and smells like? I will take any punishment you deem fit."
"Very well," said the silhouette, "but you will regret that request."
Out of the shadows comes a boy only looking 19 years old. The boy says, "I will you taster today. I am confident about my sense of taste." The boy takes the first bottle and opens it, pours it into a wine glass, and swirls it around. He then takes a sniff and begins to drink, to the Wine Taster he says, "Mmmm, taste like chicken."
Why is 10 afraid? Because it is in the middle of 9/11.
Just ask for a hotspot on September 9, 2001, you'll know.
These days, dating life is hard. You put yourself out there, and it's hard to find someone. The only thing to do is turn to family.
Chinese kid was born before the due date. Parents name him "Sudden Lee."
So, two people are on a date and the guy says, "Wow, you are so beautiful!"
Then the girl says, "You just want to have sex!"
Then the guy adds, "SMART TO!"
What month has 28 days
What did one candle say to the other?
"Want to go out tonight?"
Would you rather date me or a lady?
I laid deez nuts in your mouth.
I ordered my sandwich at a restaurant on 9/11 spicy, it came out plain.
