Dark Humor
My sister asked me what is dark humor. I asked what does a cannibal call a pregnant woman? "Kinder Surprise!"
What's worse than having ants in your pants?
Uncles.
My poem, roses are red, violets are blue. I will die very soon. 🔪
Dark humor is like a kid with cancer.
It never gets old.
There are people who are beautiful, and then there are people whom I won't rape.
Roses are red. Walls are made of plaster. Schoolchildren can move fast, But bullets can move faster.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
Remember what one of my gay friends told me: it's only cannibalism if you swallow.
I've been trying to find jokes about gouging my eyes out, but I couldn't see any.
A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, “I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!”
My girlfriend died in Tokyo during a tsunami. I was sad, but my friend told me, "Don't worry, there are plenty more in the ocean."
Hey, are you suicide? Because I want to do you!
What did one depressed kid say to the other?
Hey, wanna hang together?
My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends, Chad, who just murdered his wife, Claire. After doing that, he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after.
My mom's reply: "Jesus, Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess, won't he?"
Once I tried to tell my friend a joke about dead people... but it went six feet underground...
My only friend who actually cares: "Stop making suicide jokes, I’m really concerned!"
Me: Okay, I’ll cut it out.
Q: What do you call a blind German man?
Q: A not-see (Nazi).
In my free time, I like to help blind people.
Verb, not adjective.
A man goes to the library to find the best book about committing suicide. So when he asks the librarian, "What's the best book on committing suicide?" The librarian said, "Oh, fuck off...you won't bring it back anyway."
A guy is on trial for leading a mob to gang rape a woman he'd taken out for a date. His defense is that he was helping her live out a fantasy.
The DA is furious and asks him WTF gave him that idea. He said, "After the date I took her back to her house, pulled out my dick, and tried to hand it to her. She told me, 'You've gotta be fucking kidding me. Seriously, go get some help!'"