Dark Humor

What do you do when you finish a magazine at the hospital?

Reload and keep shooting.

My sister asked me what is dark humor. I asked what does a cannibal call a pregnant woman? "Kinder Surprise!"

What's worse than having ants in your pants?

Uncles.

My poem, roses are red, violets are blue. I will die very soon. 🔪

Dark humor is like a kid with cancer.

It never gets old.

There are people who are beautiful, and then there are people whom I won't rape.

Roses are red. Walls are made of plaster. Schoolchildren can move fast, But bullets can move faster.

Why do rapists and pedophiles never win a race?

Because they always like to come in a little behind.

Remember what one of my gay friends told me: it's only cannibalism if you swallow.

Q: How are Clocks like Pedophiles? A: They both stop at 12.

My girlfriend died in Tokyo during a tsunami. I was sad, but my friend told me, "Don't worry, there are plenty more in the ocean."

Friend: "UR LIT BRO!!"

Me: "That's what my sleeve said to my arm."

What did one depressed kid say to the other?

Hey, wanna hang together?

Hey, are you suicide? Because I want to do you!

My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends, Chad, who just murdered his wife, Claire. After doing that, he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after.

My mom's reply: "Jesus, Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess, won't he?"

A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, “I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!”

Once I tried to tell my friend a joke about dead people... but it went six feet underground...

In my free time, I like to help blind people.

Verb, not adjective.

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

A man goes to the library to find the best book about committing suicide. So when he asks the librarian, "What's the best book on committing suicide?" The librarian said, "Oh, fuck off...you won't bring it back anyway."