Danger jokes

This is why orphans are dangerous with cardboard. They either start eating it or making it into a house and hallucinating that they have a family.

So I threw out the cardboard and said, "You have to stay in reality. Fantasies aren't real. You can't and will never get a home."

Next day, they make cardboard parents, so I threw that away and said, "Pay attention to reality; you will never get parents."

Next day, they start acting like parents and tell me what to do. Again, I said, "Snap to reality. You will never be a parent!" The orphan responded with, "Oh, really?! How so?" I just simply said, "You don't have a house and parents. You literally like eating cardboard, and then you make parents out of it. You like to eat old people!"

I gave a blind kid a gun. I told him it was a hair dryer.

What bounces up and down at 100mph?

A baby tied to the back of a truck.

Are you happy to see me, or is that a bomb strapped to your chest and a detonator in your hand?

Hey guys,

I'm starting to think they don't have any candy in this van...

What does a baby and a grenade have in common?

They both make noise after you throw them.

If I was an object in this world, I’d be a glass! Because if you leave me when I’m too close to the edge, I will likely shatter and break.

I got in trouble at school today because I played the knife game with a pair of scissors, but I couldn't flip them off because I was missing that finger.

Q: What do the mob and pussy have in common?

A: One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit.

How many times does 50 fit into 9?

Get in a van and find out!

Why did the man put himself on fire?

To BURN Calories.

What do a plastic bag and Jeffery Epstein have in common?

They're both dangerous to children.

I saw names carved into a tree and thought it was romantic. Until I realized how many people bring knives on dates.

What animal has five legs? A pitbull returning from a playground.

Teacher: What comes after C?

Me: Ooh! Ooh! C4!

Teacher: Umm, ok... but still what comes after A?

Me: AK47!!!

Teacher thought: Oh hell na.

Teacher: What comes after X?

Me: Xplosin.

1 second later, bomb goes off. Idk.

What do a condom and a gun have in common? You should never use either one of them.

Where did Josh go after getting lost on a minefield? Everywhere.

I will never forget my mother and father's last words.

"Where the Sam hell did you get a grenade?"

A man was taking a young child into the woods.

The young child said, "Mister, it's getting dark and I'm scared."

The man replied with, "How do you think I feel? I have to go back alone."

I gave a blind kid a gun and said it was a hair dryer.