Danger jokes

What's the hardest thing to do?

Not kill your siblings. (Put the knives away ">:)")

One day I was texting my friend on Roblox and I made her mad. She told me she was gonna kill me.

That night, she told me to meet her at the bathroom at 2 PM sharp, but she made "sharp" in all caps. So I went to the bathroom at 2 PM the next day. Now I know what she meant by "SHARP" on Roblox... she brought a knife, and I was in hell by then. Like for the next part!

This is why orphans are dangerous with cardboard. They either start eating it or making it into a house and hallucinating that they have a family.

So I threw out the cardboard and said, "You have to stay in reality. Fantasies aren't real. You can't and will never get a home."

Next day, they make cardboard parents, so I threw that away and said, "Pay attention to reality; you will never get parents."

Next day, they start acting like parents and tell me what to do. Again, I said, "Snap to reality. You will never be a parent!" The orphan responded with, "Oh, really?! How so?" I just simply said, "You don't have a house and parents. You literally like eating cardboard, and then you make parents out of it. You like to eat old people!"

How many times does 50 fit into 9?

Get in a van and find out!

What’s worse than running with scissors?

Scissoring with the runs!

I gave a blind kid a gun. I told him it was a hair dryer.

I got in trouble at school today because I played the knife game with a pair of scissors, but I couldn't flip them off because I was missing that finger.

If I was an object in this world, I’d be a glass! Because if you leave me when I’m too close to the edge, I will likely shatter and break.

What bounces up and down at 100mph?

A baby tied to the back of a truck.

Are you happy to see me, or is that a bomb strapped to your chest and a detonator in your hand?

Hey guys,

I'm starting to think they don't have any candy in this van...

Q: What do the mob and pussy have in common?

A: One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit.

Why did the man put himself on fire?

To BURN Calories.

What did one twin say to the other?

"Watch out for the plane!"

What animal has five legs? A pitbull returning from a playground.

Where did Josh go after getting lost on a minefield? Everywhere.

Cristiano Clapnaldo woke up FEELING DANGEROUS against Real Sociedad!

- 0 tapins! - 0 assists! - 3/3 dives! - 0 key passes! - 2 big chances missed! - 1/4 dribbles! - 2 Offsides! - 27 claps!

Better than Elanga?

What do a condom and a gun have in common? You should never use either one of them.

Teacher: What comes after C?

Me: Ooh! Ooh! C4!

Teacher: Umm, ok... but still what comes after A?

Me: AK47!!!

Teacher thought: Oh hell na.

Teacher: What comes after X?

Me: Xplosin.

1 second later, bomb goes off. Idk.

I will never forget my mother and father's last words.

"Where the Sam hell did you get a grenade?"