Danger jokes
My son asked me how I'm so clean, "inside out." I told him because of bleach. The next day, I found him drinking the bleach.
Famous last words of my uncle, (a bomb disposal expert): "yes, the red wire."
Where did Joe go after getting lost on the mine field?
Everywhere.
I was shocked when I found out my toaster wasn't waterproof.
One day I threw a boomerang...
Now I live in constant fear.
What do you get when you cross a road with a stalker?
Raped.
1 minute silence for those who still think thoughts can't kill you.
I gave a blind kid a pistol and said it was a hairdryer.
Q: What happens to KID who NAPs near a stranger?
A: He gets KID-NAPPED (kidnapped).
"Hold my beer, watch this."
What's worse than a failed attempt at suicide?
The pity looks people give you and people keep you away from 'dangerous' things.
What fits neatly into a hole, slides nicely between breasts, and if used wrong could choke someone? A seatbelt.
So, once upon a time, there was a man who lived in his house with his wife.
He got up to go out to work and closed the front door behind him.
Not even four seconds later, he came back inside panicking, saying, "There's a rabbit with a gun outside!"
The wife replied, "Oh, don't worry, rabbits don't have guns. They can't shoot people; you must be imagining things."
The man calmed down for a few minutes, and after some reassuring, he eventually decided to try to go back out to work again.
So he stepped outside the front door, and the rabbit shot him.
Last week, I was on a plane to Manchester when suddenly the plane was hit by a ball. I wondered where it came from, but I soon realized it was none other than Penaldo practicing his free kicks. Shame on you, Penaldo, for almost killing me!
Where is the most dangerous place for a human being to be?
In the womb of a woman who wants to abort her unborn baby. 😢
So I was being robbed, and this guy had the gun to my head, so I told him he was holding it backwards.
Why do people want to jump off buildings?
Because they want to become Superman.
What does a woman’s pussy and a chainsaw have in common?
Miss by a few inches and you’re in deep shit.
Stranger: Do you want a lollipop?
Kid: No, I hate lollipops, so yeah, and you are not my daddy.
MISSING!!
MISSING!!
Name: Ghostiano Penaldo
Missing: 27/6/2021 vs Belgium
Characteristics: Disappearing in big games + Diving + always ranting "give me penalty".
Last found - Practicing tap ins.
Possible Locations: Penalty Spot, Parma, Crotone.
Might be dangerous towards good players.