Danger jokes
Are you a toaster? Because I want to take a bath with you.
You walk into an old, run-down house and you see that a light is on. You walk over to the light and you see blood all over the room, and you run to the exit to leave, but when you get to the door, somehow it is locked from the outside and you have no choice but to go into the house more. You see another room with a light on, so you go in. When you go in, "flip," all the lights go off, then you see a bright light and then a screen shows up and it says, "Let the game show begin." You see other people next to you and they seem scared, then a wall comes down, you see optical cords and you go on, and then a chainsaw comes at you and it misses you, but the other kid behind you gets hit and dies.
Part two coming soon. This is inspired by the SCP Foundation. Have a nice summer.
I gave the blind kid a gun and said it was a hairdryer.
What does a baby and a grenade have in common?
They both make a noise when you throw them.
What is red and goes 200 miles per hour?
A baby in a blender.
What does it sound like when a dragon sings? A fire alarm.
Hiiiiiiiii, I said, Man, want candy? Me, YESSSSSS! Me, gets kidnaped.
What do you call a monkey in a mine field?
BaBOOM!
Why are ninjas' farts so dangerous? Because they're silent and deadly.
A woman's husband has a yearly conference. The first night he's away from home, their teenage son Tommy comes into their room at night and starts to make love to her, but she knows that it can be dangerous to wake a sleepwalker, so she doesn't say anything. He does this every night for two weeks and stops when his father comes home.
She realizes she's pregnant and has a baby boy.
The next year the same thing happens, she gets pregnant again, and has a baby girl.
The third year, she's feeling very guilty, and after thirteen nights of incredible passionate lovemaking she sits Tommy down and tells him, "Every time your father leaves town on business, you sleepwalk into my bedroom and make love to me. Bobby and Anna aren't just your brother and sister, you're their father!"
Tommy said "You think I was sleepwalking?"
Why did the homeless man stop to help the kids cross the street?
To get them into his van.
Stop hating on pedos; at least they drive slow in a school zone, smh 🤣
Me: Stepping on a scale to weigh myself.
Everyone else in the minefield...
What do babies and grenades have in common? They both make noise when you throw them.
What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.
What does a baby and a hand grenade have in common?
They both make noise when you throw them.
I got a phone call from a guy labeled "assassin" saying my life will end soon. I seriously doubt that he w- *gunshot*
Dad: "If they jumped off a bridge, would you?"
Tommy: "Yes, cuz there would be a body pile to break my fall!"
Officer: "Stay back soldiers, minefield!"
Soldier: "Let's clear the field!"
Officer: "Ok!"
*silence*
*explosion*
A man and a child walk into the woods. The child turns to the man and says, "Mister, can we go home? It's getting late, and I'm scared to walk home."
The man turns to the child and says, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk home alone!"