Dad jokes

Dad: Hey, have you seen that new movie, "Constipation"?

Son: No.

Dad: It hasn't come out yet.

My dad: You better wear flip-flops everywhere.

Suicidal son: Goes to crack alley.

Son: Daddy, what's dark humor?

Dad: See that man over there with no arms or legs? Go tell him to stand up and clap.

Son: But Daddy, I'm blind.

Dad: Exactly.

I am a racist, and I put my milk before cereal. Well, to be honest, that was when I had milk, but one day my dad says he was going to get some... then he left.

Now when I see a black guy, I yell, "Thanks for picking the cotton to make my shirt!"

Dad fucked Mom.

Mom fucked son.

Son fucked sister.

Sister fucked dog.

Dog fucked cat.

Cat fucked bird.

Bird fucked fish.

Fish fucked Dad.

Dad really liked it!

I'm jealous of cancer. My dad beat me but never beat cancer.

POV: Orphans rule the world.

God said, "I'm your dad," then kills himself.

The orphan: Waaaaaa!

Why did Dad say no to the pool? Because he can't swim.

What did Little Johnny say to his dad?

Johnny: "Dad, please not again! I'm too young!"

A girl asked her mom, "Why is my name Walmart?"

Her dad replied and said, "Because that’s where you were made."

Is your dad a magician?

Because he magically disappeared.

At an orphan's funeral, you say, "Your dad came back."

I would tell a joke, but I’m sad my dad died in 9/11. He’s the greatest pilot that went down with the Twin Towers.

"9/11 was not funny; it was plane wrong because my dad was the best fucking pilot in Jeddah."

My dad left for milk 4 hours ago, anyone know where he is?

Son, what is 1 plus 1?

Dad, I don't know.

Son, it is 2.

Dad, oh, I was gonna say 2.

Your dad is so stupid that when he jumped the fence, the gate was open.

If you spell "swim" backwards you get "miws."

Where is my dad?

Why did I f*** my dad?

So I could have s€x without my mom finding out. Should I not have done that?

Your dad is your mom.