Dad jokes

What did Little Johnny say to his dad?

Johnny: "Dad, please not again! I'm too young!"

Why did Dad say no to the pool? Because he can't swim.

"9/11 was not funny; it was plane wrong because my dad was the best fucking pilot in Jeddah."

Is your dad a magician?

Because he magically disappeared.

Your dad is so stupid that when he jumped the fence, the gate was open.

My dad left for milk 4 hours ago, anyone know where he is?

I'm jealous of cancer. My dad beat me but never beat cancer.

If you spell "swim" backwards you get "miws."

Where is my dad?

Your dad is your mom.

Why did I f*** my dad?

So I could have s€x without my mom finding out. Should I not have done that?

I don't know why my boyfriend's dad doesn't like me. Maybe because we had sex?

Ur dad is mad.

Mary had a little lamb.

Key word is had, her dad's favorite meat is a human!

I don't know why everyone cares so much about 3D printers. I've had a Canon printer for years.

Your mom and dad abandoned you because you're too ugly.

My dad has a pretty shitty job.

How can you tell it's a gay barbecue?

'Cause all the hot dogs taste like shit.

My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.

Your dad left for the milk because of your McDonald's hairline!

POV: me telling a joke.

My dad: nobody likes a smart-ass.

Me: Nobody likes a smart-ass until the smart-ass finds a cure for cancer.