Dad jokes

Okay, what do you call that purple thing in your mom's top dresser drawer that she calls her best best friend for some weird reason?

Dad better look out from Bob, battery-operated boyfriend, hahaha!

What did the grape say when it was stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.

Your dad's Spider-Man because he's far from home.

Your eyebrows run away like your dad.

Friend: Hi.

Me: Do you know how lost their dad is?

Friend: Me?

Me: Damn, no, not you.

Friend: Then who?

Me: The orphan kid.

I guess we're the same.

Knock knock. Who's there? Well, I will tell you who's not there: my dad.

Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? Idaho, Alaska?

What it actually means: Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? I don’t know. I’ll ask her.

P.S. My dad is a history teacher and he told me to put this in here.

I think my dad loves jokes.

Because he laughs when he looks at me.

Where can you find the most dads?

Milk Island.

You're so fat when you told your mum and dad, even they laughed!

What's the difference between fathers and hurricanes?

Nothing. They both destroy families and then leave for a couple of years.

Jerry: My dad got into a fight on a plane.

Jeremy: That's just *plane* crazy!

Connor: Hi Mom.

Mom:

Connor: I forgot I'm adopted to 2 dads!

A sibling went up to their other sibling and said, "Dad said you're adopted."

The other sibling said, "You are, too."

Then the first sibling goes, "No, I'm not."

And the sibling says, "We're twins."

The other kid goes, "And you're adopted... oh."

Kid: Hey, Dad.

Dad: You're an hour late.

Kid: No, it was two hours. Also, I was working on math.

Dad: By yourself?

Kid: No.

Dad: A boy?

Kid: I was with the teacher.

Mom, why was I adopted?

Because people are terrible, and that’s how the world works, son!

Ok, Dad, the world is TERRIBLE!

I'll call you later. Don't call me later, call me Dad.

My jokes are like your dad, you only see them for a few days.

Dad: I'll pay you 10 bucks for every day you don't tell a lie.

Next day:

Dad: Son, what's the ugliest thing you've ever seen?

Son: That ugly face of yours, go get a life, gosh, Dad, you're embarrassing.

The dad sulked for 3 whole years.

Proof that words really can hurt.

POV: Your dad is gone.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Not your dad. LMAO.