Dad Jokes

Mom: ON THE PHONE WITH CHILD- Honey is dad late to pick you up again? Child: No mum. Dad is here but he is talking about me to the Mrs Lili the math teacher Mom: Can you here them? Child: I think... they are watching a good movie. Mom: Why do you think that? Child: Because I keep hearing this HOLDS ONTO PHONE AND clap, clap, clap

Okay what do you call that purple thing your mom's top dresser drawer that she calls her best best friend so for some weird reason? Dad better look out from Bob battery operated boyfriend hahaha

What did the grape say when it was stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.

Hey, pass me that crow bar please.

Sure... y’know, before the crowbar was invented, crows had to drink at home

(credit to Ryan Lombard (I think that’s his name) from YouTube shorts, I loved this dad joke/pun)

Mom why was I adopted? Because people are terrible and that’s how the world works son! Ok dad the world is TERRIBLE

Kid: hey dad Dad: your an hour late Kid: no it was 2 hours also I was working on math Dad: by yourself? Kid: no, Dad: a boy?, Kid: I was with the teacher

Knock knock. Who's there? Well I will tell you who's not there: my dad

Friend. Hi

Me. Do you know how lost there dad

Friend, me

Me, damn no not you

Frend,, then who?

Me , the offen kid

I gest were the the same

Where can you find the most dads. Milk island.

Did Delaware a New Jersey? Idaho Alaska

What it actually means (Did dela wear a New Jersey? I don’t know I’ll ask her) Ps. My dad is a history teacher and he told me to put this in here

I know everything about Walt Disney! How he died, How his mom and dad died, how his kids died, when he was born, where he was born, and HOW he was born. 😏

Orphan: I'm hungry Dad: Let's go to KFC Orphan 2: Boy you don't got a dad

Your dads spider man because he’s far from home

Your so fat when you told your mum and dad even they laughed

Your mom disrespected your dad when he saw your face

Did you know your dad was a magician? He disappeared the second he saw your ugly ass face!

there is this little boy and he gets in the shower with his mom and looks up and says, "Mommy, what are those?" She replies with, "These are my headlights." He looks down and says mommy what's that? she says that my garage. so he gets out of the shower and gets in with his dad and looks down and says what is that? the dad says this is my snake. later that night he wakes up in the middle of the night and screams mommy, mommy, turn off your headlights and close your garage, Daddy's snake is trying to get in!