Dad jokes

Jamal: Dads CAN grow on trees, Joseph.

Joseph: No, they don't.

Jamal: Yes, they do. I've seen it.

Joseph: ... that's not what you thought it was.

When you're watching "Gnomeo and Juliet 2" and your dad walks in on the gnome shaking his butt.

An obese, depressed mother is trying to tie a noose, but can't reach it, so she calls her son for help.

*A few minutes later*

son: There.

mother: Where did you learn to tie such a good noose?

son: Dad showed me before he died.

mother: DAMN HIM TO HE- *slips and the noose chokes her to death*

I've had conversations with many people. Some of them were drier than my dad's ashes.

What’s the difference between a Black dad and a Pizza?

One can feed a family.

You call your dad the sun because he is 90 million miles away.

One day, Little Johnny came home with his girlfriend and told his dad, "We're gonna go to my room and do some homework." His dad said okay. Five minutes later, Little Johnny's dad heard noises coming from his room, so he went to go see what it was, and all he heard was, "Baby, baby, oh, baby, baby, oh." Little Johnny's dad started banging on the door and said, "Little Johnny, what are you doing in there?" Then Little Johnny said, "Dad, we're just having sex." Then Little Johnny's dad said, "Oh, I thought you were listening to some Justin Bieber up in here."

Evan, me and your mom are done with you.

A father of five puts on a gas mask and a hazard suit and walks outside, but before he could make it, his son came and asked, "Dad, what are you wearing?"

The father answered with, "A costume for Halloween."

The child asked, "Can I join?" He said no, for he said it's their last Halloween. After that, I saw green smoke all over the same house they lived in.

Adopted kid: I made a big mistake!

Dad: You are one.

What do you call a cow without any legs?

Ground beef!

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhhahahaa

Roses are red, flowers naturally cannot be black.

I heard that your dad's in jail for selling crack!

The last joke about the dad was a joke. Don't take it seriously. Can't believe that people actually think that was true.

Roses are red, violets are blue, my mom and dad died, next you'll be gone too.

So, Little Johnny's teacher is warned at the beginning of the school year not to ever make a bet with Johnny unless she is absolutely sure she will win it. One day in class, Johnny raises his hand and says, "Teacher, I'll bet you $50 I can guess what color your underwear is." She replies, "Okay, meet me after class and we'll settle it." But before class ends, she goes to the restroom and removes her panties. After class is over and the students clear out, Johnny makes his guess. "Blue." "Nope. You got it wrong," she says as she lifts her skirt to reveal she isn't wearing any underwear. "Well, come with me out to my dad's car, he's waiting for me, and I'll get you the money." She follows him out. When they get to the car, she informs his dad that he got the bet wrong and that she showed Johnny that she wasn't wearing any underwear. His dad exclaims: "That mother fucker! He bet me $100 this morning that he'd see your pussy before the end of the day!"

Why does an orphan use water for his cereal?

He is waiting for his dad with the milk.

What's one thing your dad shares with black men? Your sister.

My son caught me masturbating the other day and was like, "Dad, what are you doing?" I said, "Don't worry, you'll be doing it soon." He said, "Why is that?" I told him, "My arm is getting tired."

We shouldn't joke about major tragedies. My dad died in 9/11, he was Saudi Arabia's best pilot.

What's the difference between a Black person and a White person?

One has a dad, while the other searches.