Dad jokes

My dad came out of my step-sister's room as I came out of my step-mum's room.

White people can't say the N-word, but at least they can say, "Thanks for the warning, officer," and "Hi, Dad."

Mom: Don't forget to unload the dishwasher.

Mom: Did you finish your homework?

Mom: We are going to your grandmother's house for Thanksgiving.

Mom: Dad and I talked. We are getting a new car next month.

Son: You are?? Oh my gosh, thank you!

Mom: No, I was just making sure you were getting my texts.

Son: That was cruel!

Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? Idaho, Alaska?

What it actually means: Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? I don’t know. I’ll ask her.

P.S. My dad is a history teacher and he told me to put this in here.

Knock knock. Who's there? Well, I will tell you who's not there: my dad.

Your dad's Spider-Man because he's far from home.

Friend: Hi.

Me: Do you know how lost their dad is?

Friend: Me?

Me: Damn, no, not you.

Friend: Then who?

Me: The orphan kid.

I guess we're the same.

Where can you find the most dads?

Milk Island.

You're so fat when you told your mum and dad, even they laughed!

I think my dad loves jokes.

Because he laughs when he looks at me.

Orphan: Hey, where's the milk?

Dad: . . .

Your mama is so stupid.

Your dad said, "You're driving me crazy," so your mom handed him the keys and said, "You can drive."

I know everything about Walt Disney! How he died, how his mom and dad died, how his kids died, when he was born, where he was born, and how he was born. 😏

So a kid was hanging out with his mom and this man comes up to him and said, "Hi, I'm your new dad." The kid did not think about it, and then he did and said, "But I already have a dad." The mom said, "That was not your real dad."

Imagine me being 12 feet taller than your dad.

My jokes are like your dad, you only see them for a few days.

Dad: I'll pay you 10 bucks for every day you don't tell a lie.

Next day:

Dad: Son, what's the ugliest thing you've ever seen?

Son: That ugly face of yours, go get a life, gosh, Dad, you're embarrassing.

The dad sulked for 3 whole years.

Proof that words really can hurt.

You are like a thunderstorm; when you go away, like your dad, everyone is happy.

My dad seen RuPaul's Drag Race?

Asked when will they do up the cars!

Did your dad ever tell you he was going to get milk... But then never came back lol? 😅