Dad jokes

So, I was in school, and there was a number saying "696969," so I said to my mother, "What does it mean?" She said, "Your fucking dad and I!"

What were the orphan's mom and dad's names? John and Jane Doe.

My dad is like a unicorn.

He's never here. :c

You better get used to having dry cereal cuz your dad ain't never bringing the milk back.

Kid: Dad, where do you work?

Dad: I.C.U.P.

Kid: HAHAHAH!!!! See you pee.

I asked my dad to come to my Father’s Day breakfast.

The orphanage worker just said, “Don’t be silly!”

Mom: Don't forget to unload the dishwasher.

Mom: Did you finish your homework?

Mom: We are going to your grandmother's house for Thanksgiving.

Mom: Dad and I talked. We are getting a new car next month.

Son: You are?? Oh my gosh, thank you!

Mom: No, I was just making sure you were getting my texts.

Son: That was cruel!

I was playing hide-n-seek with my dad and he hid, but I could never find him till this day.

You will find your dad that left to get the milk before your hairline.

Girl: "Dad."

Dad: "Do I love you?"

Girl: "I am a prostitute."

Dad: "Yes."

Woman 2: "Dad."

Dad: "Right?"

Woman 2: "I'm a woman too."

Father: "God, do you love children?"

Boy: "Yes..."

I've had conversations with many people. Some of them were drier than my dad's ashes.

What did the grape say when it was stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.

Your dad's Spider-Man because he's far from home.

I traveled through time to get my dad back.

I failed because I was 1e21 years off.

You look like your mom and your dad had a child.

If y'all gotta crush on me, tell me now before my dad spends my Valentine's money on crack and alcohol.

Your eyebrows run away like your dad.

Your mom disrespected your dad when he saw your face.

Did you know your dad was a magician? He disappeared the second he saw your ugly ass face!

I think my dad loves jokes.

Because he laughs when he looks at me.