Dad jokes

What's the difference between you, your uncle, and your dad?

One didn't go in the closet.

White people can't say the N-word, but at least they can say, "Thanks for the warning, officer," and "Hi, Dad."

Where did your dad go? Because I saw him at the milk shop. Oh wait, there isn't one.

So, I was in school, and there was a number saying "696969," so I said to my mother, "What does it mean?" She said, "Your fucking dad and I!"

There are 2 dads and 2 sons. They all caught a fish.

Why did they only come home with 3 fish?

(Answer)

There were a grand-dad, dad, and son.

If you don't get it, then it means grand father is the dad to the dad (1 dad). Dad is the dad for the son and a son for the grandfather. Get it?

Life is better without my dad annoying me (him smacking me, screaming for something useless, limiting my screen time, and much more).

My dad was such a good man. RIP, Osama bin Laden.

Mom: Don't forget to unload the dishwasher.

Mom: Did you finish your homework?

Mom: We are going to your grandmother's house for Thanksgiving.

Mom: Dad and I talked. We are getting a new car next month.

Son: You are?? Oh my gosh, thank you!

Mom: No, I was just making sure you were getting my texts.

Son: That was cruel!

I remember when I saw my dad's penis for the first time.

I said, "Dad, don't text me shit like that."

The only thing the orphan learned from his dad is the hide-and-seek skill to hide for 18 years. He tried it out; now he has infinite milk.

Girl: "Dad."

Dad: "Do I love you?"

Girl: "I am a prostitute."

Dad: "Yes."

Woman 2: "Dad."

Dad: "Right?"

Woman 2: "I'm a woman too."

Father: "God, do you love children?"

Boy: "Yes..."

I've had conversations with many people. Some of them were drier than my dad's ashes.

You will find your dad that left to get the milk before your hairline.

You look like your mom and your dad had a child.

If y'all gotta crush on me, tell me now before my dad spends my Valentine's money on crack and alcohol.

Hey, pass me that crowbar, please.

Sure... y’know, before the crowbar was invented, crows had to drink at home.

No one has my back like my dad.

What's the difference between fathers and hurricanes?

Nothing. They both destroy families and then leave for a couple of years.

Jerry: My dad got into a fight on a plane.

Jeremy: That's just *plane* crazy!

I'll call you later. Don't call me later, call me Dad.