Dad: I'll pay you 10 bucks for every day you don't tell a lie.
Next day:
Dad: Son, what's the ugliest thing you've ever seen?
Son: That ugly face of yours, go get a life, gosh, Dad, you're embarrassing.
The dad sulked for 3 whole years.
Proof that words really can hurt.
What's the difference between you and your sister?
Your dad.
dad i love you son i love you
just ask your dad
How do you know if your sisters on her period?
Your dads dick tastes funny.
What’s worse than fingering your sister?
Finding your dads wedding ring inside her.
I'll call you later. Don't call me later, call me Dad.
I broke the sink yesterday; the handle just blew right off! My dad was so mad, he blew his stack!
Hey Evan, this is Dad. Ya, I’m still not home.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Natyourcheese.
Natyourcheese who?
Natyourcheese, I wasn't gonna say bless you!
Connor: Hi Mom.
Mom:
Connor: I forgot I'm adopted to 2 dads!
A sibling went up to their other sibling and said, "Dad said you're adopted."
The other sibling said, "You are, too."
Then the first sibling goes, "No, I'm not."
And the sibling says, "We're twins."
The other kid goes, "And you're adopted... oh."
Kid: Hey, Dad.
Dad: You're an hour late.
Kid: No, it was two hours. Also, I was working on math.
Dad: By yourself?
Kid: No.
Dad: A boy?
Kid: I was with the teacher.
Mom, why was I adopted?
Because people are terrible, and that’s how the world works, son!
Ok, Dad, the world is TERRIBLE!
What's the difference between fathers and hurricanes?
Nothing. They both destroy families and then leave for a couple of years.
I wanna date you.
Said mom, dad said no, you are a horrid, f*cking d*ck.
Why did Ama cross the road?
To find his dad.
9 months before I was born,
I went to a party with my dad and left with my mom.
Q: My dad woke up one morning about to go to work, but he was still really tired, so he decided the quickest way to wake him up was to slap him in the face.
So he asked me to do it, but I guess I don't know my own strength, and so he went back to sleep again...
Jerry: My dad got into a fight on a plane.
Jeremy: That's just *plane* crazy!
Dad: Where is my son?
Son: Come join me with musical chairs, except we stand on them.
Dad: Ok, so do we put this round our neck?
Son: YES!
Mum: AHHHHHHHHHHHH
