My dad told me and my sister to stop arguing, so I threw her out the window instead.
What’s fat, brown, and has no dad?
Ama
My dad told me a new version of a happy birthday song:
Happy birthday to you, you live in a zoo, you look like a monkey, and you smell like one too!
No offense to anyone reading this on their birthday.
So an orphan goes to the store and gets a bunch of cartons of milk.
The cashier goes, "Woah, why so much?"
The orphan goes, "My dad never came back with the milk, so, well, here we are!"
I know how unicorns make babies. The dad puts his horn in the girl's butt hole.
You know that you f**k better than dad?
I know, mom says that too. (Typical Alabama Family)
I was checking my shoe in my dad's wallet, and he slapped me. What exactly did I do to warrant the slap?
Billy: Dad, I was shot by a sniper!
Dad: Uh...
*hides his rifle*
How do you get a country girl's attention? A tractor.
What did Nemo's dad say? "Man, he's a lot like my dad, I can never find him!"
Dads are boomerangs, I hope.
Why did the son go to the store?
To find his dad.
I asked my dad, "Are we there yet?" and he told me, "Don't worry, son, it will be a short ride!"
I have an Uncle named Ricky, who made ur mom sticky.
His dad calls him pricky and everyone begs for his dicky.
Dad: No, Timmy, you don't have to worry, there is no monster sleeping under your bed, it sleeps every night in the bed next to me.
Son: Dad, I'm gay.
Dad: I support you.
Son: I like you.
Dad: Get out and into my room!
Q: Why did baby shark cross the Pacific Ocean?
A: To find his dad.
This had me wheezing 😂🤣😂🤣
I swear, if I compared the size of your mother and multiplied it by the time your dad was gone, it wouldn't even be close to your hairline.
What did the orphan say to its parents?
"Hey, Mom and Dad—oh wait, you're not my parents. I don't have none. Will you adopt me, please?"
They people: "No."
I have no dad, no milk, and no mom, so that means no tits, like if you can relate.
