Dad jokes
What's the difference between me and my mate...
I left my dad, while hers left with their friend Cancer.
Dad: Why did Jimmy fall off his bicycle?
Son: Why?
Dad: Because somebody threw a washing machine at him.
Why do bees stay in the hive during winter?
... S'warm!
He probably picks hair off his dad’s dick, then probably puts it in his hair.
Son: Hi Dad, I'm Son.
Dad: Hi Son, I'm Leaving You.
Years later:
Dad still did not come back.
If the average male walks 1.7 miles a day, then why did my dad take 13 years to get the milk?
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they can't call anyone their dad.
Dad: No, Timmy, you don't have to worry, there is no monster sleeping under your bed, it sleeps every night in the bed next to me.
Dad: I’m taking your toys to the orphanage.
Child: But why?
Dad: Because you’re going to need them there.
My mom is in the FBI. My dad is in the FBI. My sister is in the FBI. My brother is in the FBI. And do you know what I am?
Divorced.
I like sucking the Twin Towers off, but then I forgot dad already finished the job.
My dad told me and my sister to stop arguing, so I threw her out the window instead.
Your mama is so ugly! It took your dad 15 years to return from getting milk.
I have no dad, no milk, and no mom, so that means no tits, like if you can relate.
What did the orphan say to its parents?
"Hey, Mom and Dad—oh wait, you're not my parents. I don't have none. Will you adopt me, please?"
They people: "No."
I swear, if I compared the size of your mother and multiplied it by the time your dad was gone, it wouldn't even be close to your hairline.
Why do orphans never wake up in the morning? Their dad can’t wake them up.
Son: Dad, I'm gay.
Dad: I support you.
Son: I like you.
Dad: Get out and into my room!
Q: Why did baby shark cross the Pacific Ocean?
A: To find his dad.
This had me wheezing 😂🤣😂🤣
I have an Uncle named Ricky, who made ur mom sticky.
His dad calls him pricky and everyone begs for his dicky.