Dad: no Timmy, you don't have to worry, there is no monster sleeping under your bed, it sleeps every night in the bed next to me.
I have an Uncle named ricky, who made ur mom sticky, His dad calls him pricky and everyone begs for his dicky
Little Johnny was alone because dad didn’t come back
Why do orphans like boomerangs.Because they come back unlike their dad.
My mom is the FBI My dad is the FBI my sister is the FBI my brother is the FBI and do you know what i am?
Divorced
I walk on on my mum and she's in the middle of pulling off my dad's boxers. I said mum, you really spoil those dogs!
Dad: I’m taking your toys to the orphanage. Child: But why? Dad: Because you’re going to need them there.
My dad told me and my sister to stop arguing so I threw her out the window instead
I like sucking the twin towers off but then i forgot dad already finished the job.
kid: aye mum imma do somthing dad could never do mum: and that is? *kid walks out* *kid comes back in with milk* mum:imma beat ya ass
Billy: Dad, I was shot by a sniper! Dad: Uh- *hides his rifle*
(My dad told me a new version of a happy birthday song)
Happy birthday to you, you live in a zoo, you look likes a monkey, and you smell like one too!
(No affence to anyone reading this on there birthday)
so an orphan goes to the store and gets a bunch of cartons of milk the cashier goes ''woah why so much'' the orphan goes ''my dad never came back with the milk so well here we are ''
I know how unicorns make baby’s the dad put his horn in the girls but hole
Dads are boomerangs, I hope. 🍆😆😌😬😮💨😬
I was checking my shoe in my dad's wallet and he slapped me. What exactly did I do to warrant the slap
How do you get a country girtls attention? A tractor
Imagine not having a dad
what did nemos dad say "man hes alot like my dad, i can never find him"
You know that you fuck better then dad? I know, mom say that too. (Tipical Alabama Family)
