Billy: Dad, I was shot by a sniper!
Dad: Uh...
*hides his rifle*
How do you get a country girl's attention? A tractor.
What did Nemo's dad say? "Man, he's a lot like my dad, I can never find him!"
Dads are boomerangs, I hope.
Why did the son go to the store?
To find his dad.
I asked my dad, "Are we there yet?" and he told me, "Don't worry, son, it will be a short ride!"
I have an Uncle named Ricky, who made ur mom sticky.
His dad calls him pricky and everyone begs for his dicky.
Dad: No, Timmy, you don't have to worry, there is no monster sleeping under your bed, it sleeps every night in the bed next to me.
Son: Dad, I'm gay.
Dad: I support you.
Son: I like you.
Dad: Get out and into my room!
Q: Why did baby shark cross the Pacific Ocean?
A: To find his dad.
This had me wheezing 😂🤣😂🤣
I swear, if I compared the size of your mother and multiplied it by the time your dad was gone, it wouldn't even be close to your hairline.
What did the orphan say to its parents?
"Hey, Mom and Dad—oh wait, you're not my parents. I don't have none. Will you adopt me, please?"
They people: "No."
I have no dad, no milk, and no mom, so that means no tits, like if you can relate.
What’s the difference between Santa and my dad?
Santa got the milk.
I told my dad that I wanted to go to a college with a 100% acceptance rate and a 50% graduation rate, and he said, "Your mom doesn't count as a college!"
Why do orphans have water with their cereal?
Because the dad never came back with the milk.
Girl: Dad, where are you?
Dad: I went to go get milk.
Girl: But we have milk.
Dad: I know, I just don't love you.
Why do orphans never wake up in the morning? Their dad can’t wake them up.
Dad: I’m taking your toys to the orphanage.
Child: But why?
Dad: Because you’re going to need them there.
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they can't call anyone their dad.
