Billy: Dad, I was shot by a sniper!
Dad: Uh...
*hides his rifle*
Dad Jokes
What did Nemo's dad say? "Man, he's a lot like my dad, I can never find him!"
I like sucking the Twin Towers off, but then I forgot dad already finished the job.
Dad: I’m taking your toys to the orphanage.
Child: But why?
Dad: Because you’re going to need them there.
You know that you f**k better than dad?
I know, mom says that too. (Typical Alabama Family)
My dad told me and my sister to stop arguing, so I threw her out the window instead.
Why do orphans like boomerangs?
Because they come back, unlike their dad.
My mom is in the FBI. My dad is in the FBI. My sister is in the FBI. My brother is in the FBI. And do you know what I am?
Divorced.
So an orphan goes to the store and gets a bunch of cartons of milk.
The cashier goes, "Woah, why so much?"
The orphan goes, "My dad never came back with the milk, so, well, here we are!"
My dad told me a new version of a happy birthday song:
Happy birthday to you, you live in a zoo, you look like a monkey, and you smell like one too!
No offense to anyone reading this on their birthday.
What’s fat, brown, and has no dad?
Ama
I know how unicorns make babies. The dad puts his horn in the girl's butt hole.
Your life, that's all.
Kid: Dad, what's an orphan?
Dad:
Kid: Aye, Mum, I'mma do something Dad could never do.
Mum: And that is?
*Kid walks out.*
*Kid comes back in with milk.*
Mum: I'mma beat ya ass!
Dad: Why did Jimmy fall off his bicycle?
Son: Why?
Dad: Because somebody threw a washing machine at him.
What’s the difference between Santa and my dad?
Santa got the milk.
I told my dad that I wanted to go to a college with a 100% acceptance rate and a 50% graduation rate, and he said, "Your mom doesn't count as a college!"
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they can't call anyone their dad.
Son: Hi Dad, I'm Son.
Dad: Hi Son, I'm Leaving You.
Years later:
Dad still did not come back.
