Dad jokes
My dad may be working, but the coping mechanisms sure aren't!
I say 123, yeah, the kids bullied me, but they really don't know that my dad has a gun, yeah.
Someone walks up to his dad and says, "Dad, what’s the difference between potentiality and reality?" Soo ok, the dad says to the son, "Go ask your mother, sister, and your brother if they’d sleep with the postman for $1,000,000." So the son comes back 5 minutes later and said, "Dad, they all said they would sleep with the postman." So, son, potentially, we have a million dollars, but in reality, we have two sluts and a gay one."
Why did your parents abandon you?
Because the first thing you dad said to be was; "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WIFE."
If y'all gotta crush on me, tell me now before my dad spends my Valentine's money on crack and alcohol.
I asked my dad to come to my Father’s Day breakfast.
The orphanage worker just said, “Don’t be silly!”
One day, a girl was showering with her mom. She pointed at her mom's breasts and asked: "When can I get these?" Her mother replied: "In about 6 to 7 years when you grow up :)".
The other day, the girl's showering with her dad, and she pointed at his penis and asked: "When can I get this?" Her dad looked around and replied: "In about 20 minutes when your mom leaves the house."
Why do orphans not like jokes?
Because they hate your "mom" and "dad" joke because they miss their parents. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
How do you know if your sister's on her period?
Your dad's dick tastes funny.
What's worse than fingering your sister?
Finding your dad's wedding ring inside her.
My dad went out for milk. It's been 15 years and I still have to eat my cereal dry.
My cousin just broke up with his girlfriend, and I told him, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of her stuff."
One morning, Peppy and George came downstairs for breakfast, but they got a plate of juicy bacon. Their dad had recently gone missing, so they ate it quite sadly.
The next morning, they went to school and asked their teacher, "What is bacon made out of?" The teacher replied, "Pigs, why?" Peppa and George looked horrified.
Why does Aaron chug beer on a Wednesday?
Because his dad beats him every single day because he has scoliosis.
A kid and his dad went to the park. The kid accidentally steps on a cockroach.
They go home immediately and dad gets the scissors. Now the kid has some balls to play with.
My dad is like the female wage gap: nonexistent.
My dad died on 9/11. He was a great pilot.
What is a kid's favorite thing to do with their dad?
Play pretend dog in the bed.
What’s the difference between the milk and drugs?
My dad brought the drugs back, not the milk though! 😭
The orphanage said I couldn't go home.
Your dad is gone.
Hi, how are you? Busy, busy today and tomorrow. I have to go home from home and walk home. Walk and a bike. Walk, walk, and a bike to school tomorrow night. I have to have lunch with my mom and dad, and I have dinner with you tonight.