Dad Jokes

What's the difference between your mom and your dad one leaves your life to go get milk and the other cleans up after you, feeds you, and does your laundry

I was coming out of airport and a rober kept his gun on my head I requested him please don't kill me as I have my old mom and dad at my home . Kill Them.

A kid asks his father, " How long is our trip dad?" The kids father says , " Our trip is a fortnite."

My disabled dad went to the grocery store

He got lost and yet they couldn’t find him

Finally he was found after a kid told them he was in the vegetable aisle

A kid and his dad went to the park. The kid accidentally steps.on a cockroach. They go home immediately and dad gets the scissors. Now the kid has some balls to play with.

The Orphanage said i coudnt go home.

Your dad is gone

my dad hits me :(

one day, little Sally hears the phone ringing. she picks it up "Hello, this is daddy, Sally. Is your mom nearby." Sally says, "No, shes upstairs with Uncle john" "Uncle john? i don't know an Uncle John." "no, no, no, you must be mistaken, daddy" "no i'm sure there's no one named Uncle John in our family." "Okay, but why did you call?" Says Sally. "Ummm no reason, just tell mommy that daddy's pulling into the driveway right now." "Okay daddy!"

*long pause*

"Okay daddy! I did it!' "Great job Sally! What did she says?"

"Mommy said OH FU.. and then she ran around with no clothes on and tripped on the carpet and hit her head on the bookshelf. shes now resting it looks like... then Uncle John screams and jumps out the window into the swimming pool, but of course we took all the water out this winter..."

then dad replies "Swimming pool? we dont have a...is this 468-1843?"

I cant sit down anymore .... my dad went 2 far this time

a dad asked his son what kind of cake he wanted for his birthday and he replied... hows about a urinal cake?!!

my life

I turned the light on and my dad said turn it off, so I unplugged his life support.

Knock, knock. (Whose there?) Your dad. (But my dads dead.) I know, just reminding you!

why did the orphan didnt do the work because when the teacher says they would call your mum or dad there nobody to call

What did my dad say before he went to go get milk? Theres money in my wallet for pizza I love you.

Why do flamingos sleep with one leg up? Because if they slept with both legs up they would fall over!

One day my pet bark at me and so I got scared anWas my dad actually it was weird you should’ve saw him and so the goes on in the day because he likes to run around The house that he likes to do it out 😂😂😂😂😱

My dad asked "were are you going" me "back to the orfinig

A dad told his son never to hit girls so the sun repeid i promis. When the sun got older he was doing the dirty with "a girl " and the girl sais spank me daddy.... and the sons repsonds my dad said never to hit a girl. and the "girl" takes of the wig and its his dad and the dad said good job son!.. Son:...... um