Dad: how was your trip to the park? Daughter: it was good until the man came along. Dad: gasps whatever happened, it wasn’t your fault, but tell Daddy, what happened? Daughter: he made my friends go away so it was just me and him… then he took my dress off… Dad: oh God, what next? Daughter: Nothing, that was it. Dad: oh, come on! that wasn’t exciting, make something up!

A young boy is in a tepee with his father, just after his sister’s naming ceremony. Curious to how it works, he asks his dad, "Father, why is my sister’s name Tulip?" His father responds, "That is her name because a tulip was the first thing she saw when she first opened her eyes." The boy was still puzzled. “What about big brother Sparrow?” "His name is Sparrow because a sparrow landed on him when he first began walking." The boy finally asked how he was named. "Well, we decided to name you the same way as your sister." The boy nods with understanding, “Thank you, father.” “No problem, Two-Dogs-Fucking.”

How do you make a handkerchief dance? You put a little boogie in it.

I was gonna tell u a joke about my abusive dad… But I only remember the punch line👊👊👊👊👊👊👊👊👊

Water to his Dad, Steam: Hi, Dad, I mist you! Steam: double-you(w). aich(h). ay(a). tee(t)?

I don’t like 9/11 jokes because they always talk about how bad of a plane driver my dad is

I would tell you a story of my dad…If I knew who he was.

So a mom and a dad take their son to a therapist. “What seems to be the problem?” The therapist asked. “Our son thinks he’s a refrigerator!” They said. So the therapist replies, “oh dear, that must be a problem.” “Yeah, he sleeps with his mouth open and the light is really bright.”

Knock knock, Whos there? Dad You came back?

Why can’t I drive? Cuz my dad never showed me how yet

My dad is nice 👍

U better get used to having dry ceral cuz ur dad aint never bringing the milk back.

A guy goes to Starbucks and asks”Hey, if I can make you laugh I don’t have to pay.”The girl in the window says,”ok.”The guys says,”A little boy named Timmy lost his arms.”The girl says,” oh no!”The guy says”and his dad left him when he was 4.”The girl says “uhh yeah.” The guy says”Ok,I guess I’ll be paying then” The girl asks”Ok,And what name will that be under?”The guy says”Timmy,I’m Timmy.”

Me:Help I’m stuck in a trap Friend:What kind? Me:It’s called life, yeah I’ve been trying to get out of it for 6 years now, it just won’t let me go. Friend:That’s not funny… Me:Yeah? Nor is wanting to die, yet I’m still over here laughing every time I try to. Friend:I’m calling your mom. Me:She knows. Friend:Whats she doing to help, then? Me:She’s supposed to help? Friend:Have you told your dad? Me:I will when he comes back. Friend:Where is he? Me:I don’t know he’s been gone for 15 years. Friend:… Me:What? Friend:Why? Me:Why what? Friend:Why would you joke like that? Me:I was joking… Friend:I know. Me:Oh. I didn’t know. Friend:… Me:Have a nice day, I’ll see you tomorrow…Maybe…

As a little boy I walked in on my parents having intercourse one night, and of course, my parents stopped and sent me back to bed.

The next day my dad tells me “Don’t worry son, I wasn’t hurting mommy, we were just trying to make you a little sister.”

So, when I was young I always wanted a pet. I then looked at my father and asked “Could you do mommy doggy style next time? I want a puppy.”

what does a bullet and milk have in common? they both take out your dad

My dad is like my depression you need a suicide letter to find him

The difference between Your Dad and Cancer? Cancer came back…

what’s the difference between your dad and the mail man. nothing

what is the difference between you and my dad? nothing