Why do flamingos sleep with one leg up? Because if they slept with both legs up they would fall over!

What did my dad say before he went to go get milk? Theres money in my wallet for pizza I love you.

Son: Dad, why did name my sister Paris? Dad: Because she was made there. Son: Thanks, Dad. Dad: You’re welcome, Backseat.

I asked my new girlfriend how many men she’d had before me. She said not to worry, she could count them all on one hand. Unfortunately, this was when I noticed she’s holding her cell phone with a calculator app open. I took note of her wallet inside a picture of what appeared to be 10 guys I asked and she said that’s my fam as well I noticed an Alabama drivers license I asked where which one was her dad she said that she doesn’t talk to him anymore because he had sex with the boss’s daughter I casually asked what he did for work self employed she said That’s the last time I use ancestry.com

Why Did Sarah Fall Off A Skyscraper?

Because She Made Her Dad Mad.

What is it called when u whoop a donkey?

A whooped ass and apparently some people get that everyday from their drunk dads.

I was coming out of airport and a rober kept his gun on my head I requested him please don’t kill me as I have my old mom and dad at my home . Kill Them.

There once was 3 men on an airplane and one bit into an apple and said this is disgusting and threw it out the window the 2nd man bit into a banana and said this is rotten and he threw it out the window the 3rd man bit into a bomb and screamed " ALL MY TEETH FELL OUT" and he threw it out the window. Meanwhile, on the ground, a police officer was walking and he saw a kid crying and he went up to him and asked him why he was crying he replied an apple came flying out of the sky and hit me on the head! the police officer said that is weird and kept on walking. Then he saw another kid crying and the police officer asked why are you crying and he answered a banana came flying out of the sky and hit he on the head the officer said this has been a strange day. Then he says a kid laughing and he asked why he was laughing and he said while he was laughing my dad farted and the house blew up.

So apparently, Hitler’s dad was quite the abusive fellow, always beating his son.

Guess that’s why he’s called (Hit)ler.

Did you hear about the restaurant there putting on the moon Good food but no atmosphere

Dad there was one day I was playing jump rope with a pig and then I made pulled pork out of him

Son he is dinner

A Chinese boy never met his parents after they were killed in WW2, so when he learned where they were buried he quickly rushed there.

He sat down in front of their graves and prayed “I want to see your face again mommy…”. A miracle happened, his mother rose up from the graves and hugged him.

The boy cried then said “I want to see you too dad”. He looked at his father’s grave but nothing happened

Suddenly a Japanese soldier came up behind him and asked “were you looking for me?”

my dad hits me :(

why does my dad hate me ? really please tell me im tired of the constant abuse and pain.

Hey guys Billy has this weird disability where when he has sex with someone he says there name really loud. Billy-Hey guys I just got back from my DADS!! Wait what Billy??

My teacher asked what was the worst time you got paddled by your parents my one friend said that he got in trouble and got whacked by a stick i raised my hand and said that my dad whacked me with his dick

Son - Dad I’ve been expelled from school for having sex with a girl in my class Dad - Son that’s the 2nd school this year! Maybe teaching isn’t for you!

Derrick and Clive. They have a song about a Dad with Cancer and other extremely offensive subjects in a routine called “The non stop dancer”. It is very funny but it is made even funnier by Dudley moors, drunken and stoned laughter through the song. One of the best routines ever. Look it up on YouTube. They recorded them in the studio but they are adlibbing and extremely drunk.

One day there was a boy who needed the toilet. So he goes to his teacher and asks if he can go to the toilet. The teacher says “yes but before you go what is the first 3 letters in the alphabet?” The boy replies " I don’t know miss… The teacher says that he will have to wait. Later the boy goes home to his mom that is on the phone. What is the first letter in the alphabet? His mom says “Oh shut up! So the boy goes to his dad that is playing darts and says “what is the second letter in the alphabet? His dad says “180”! So the boy goes to his sister who is playing with her Barbies. The boy asks “what is the 3rd letter in the alphabet”? The sister says " I’m a Barbie girl in a barbie world”! The next day the boy goes to school and needs the toilet again so he goes to ask if he can go and the teacher says " yes but before you go what is the 3 letters in the alphabet”? They boy says " oh shut up"! The teacher is angry about that so she says “what is the second one”? “180”! Says the boy and the teacher asks him where he is from and the boy says " I’m a barbie girl in a barbie world!"

The end

When phone ringing Dad says ‘If it’s for me don’t answer it.’

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