Dad jokes

Your Parents

Dad: I heard an actor killed themselves with a knife. It was Reese something.

Mom: Witherspoon.

Dad: No, with a knife, you dummy!

My dad went to school saying dad jokes. I was embarrassed and I cried with a-dult cry.

What’s the difference between a dad and a boulder?

About 15 stone.

Why does an orphan use water for his cereal?

He is waiting for his dad with the milk.

My friend said having sex is a lot like your first football game.

You're bloody and bruised, but at least your dad was there.

What were the orphan's mom and dad's names? John and Jane Doe.

Son: Hi Dad, I'm Son.

Dad: Hi Son, I'm Leaving You.

Years later:

Dad still did not come back.

I would tell a dad joke, but it already left me.

Mom: ON THE PHONE WITH CHILD- Honey, is Dad late to pick you up again?

Child: No, Mum. Dad is here, but he is talking about me to Mrs. Lili, the math teacher.

Mom: Can you hear them?

Child: I think... they are watching a good movie.

Mom: Why do you think that?

Child: Because I keep hearing this *HOLDS ONTO PHONE* and clap, clap, clap.

What's the difference between you, your uncle, and your dad?

One didn't go in the closet.

You're so ugly your mom and dad abandoned you, and you went to the adoption center, and not even the adoption center would take you or let you in.

MOM: Honey, I'm pregnant.

DAD: Hi, Pregnant, I'm Dad.

MOM: No, you're not.

Why is one brain cell kinda like finding your dad?

Because there's a one in a billion chance of finding them.

2023- my dad is a cop.

1800- my dad owns your dad.

I’ll never forget my dad’s last words. “Erase my search history, son.”

What's the quickest way to get to the hospital? Just stand in the middle of a busy road.

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

What do my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can't be found.

What do you do after raping a deaf person? Cut their fingers off so they don't tell anyone.

MORE JOKES COMING SOON LMAO ;]

Hey Evan, this is Dad. Ya, I’m still not home.

A girl comes home and finds her dad and 4-year-old brother on the sofa. She says, "Dad, why is he wearing that face mask?"

The dad buckles his belt and says, "There's more for you, hunny."

Daughter: Dad, why are you so mean?

Dad: Because you are so mean, that's why.

Daughter: You so get on my nerves.

Dad: I am gonna slap you in your god darn head if you don't shut up.

Daughter: Wow, Dad, you savage.

Dad: 21 SAVAGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Daughter: Oh my God, I am tellin' Mom that you are doin' that thing again.