Dad jokes

What do you call a person with a flip flop?

My dad.

I went to a birthday party and told dad jokes.

The jokes didn't go over well. I was asked to leave the orphanage.

I tell dad jokes all the time even though I’m not actually a dad.

I’m a faux pa.

Me: Do you eat your cereal with water? You: No, why? Me: 'Cause your dad never came back with the milk!

What’s the difference between your dad and your hairline?

Nothing, they both ran off.

My son came to me depressed, so I pointed to the spare bedroom and said, "Hang in here, son."

A kid named Timmy said to his dad that he had sex with his teacher, and his dad was proud of him and gave him a bike.

The kid said, "I can't use it; my butt hurts!"

My dad told me a joke one time. When I realized the joke, the second tower was hit.

Why do orphans not have cheese on their burgers? They don't have a dad to get milk.

Little Johnny sits on a chair. He notices he is sitting on something. Then he sees a plastic di**. He asks his mom, "What's that?" and Mom didn't know, so when his dad comes home from work, he sees him with the plastic di** and says, "Son, why you messing with my personal toy?"

Yo dad's so stupid, he came back after he got the milk.

What's Moby Dick's dad's name? Papa Boner.

I asked my mom why dad was so pale and sick. She said, "Shut the fuck up and keep digging!"

God, my dad got so pissed during 9/11.

All that work wasted.

Q: What’s worse than fingerbanging your sister?

A: Finding your dad's wedding ring.

What did The Rock say to his dad?

"I'm gonna Rock Bottom my cock down your throat!"

I'm sorry your dad beat you instead of cancer.

Why do orphans have gross cakes?

Because their dad didn't come home with the milk.

Why did the Dad cross the road?

To get the milk.

The quiet kid's dad dies. You go, "Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"Not your dad."

Then he says, "What comes after 47?"

The quiet kid says, "AK."