Dad jokes

Dad: Son, do you want to play Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots?

Son: Sure, let me get it from the closet.

Dad: No, bring your sisters. Just like the game, they can’t move their legs.

What do you call a person with a flip flop?

My dad.

I have a joke about paper. It's tearable.

I love telling dad jokes. He always laughs.

How I Punch my Brother: Wooden Sword.

How he is telling Dad: Diamond Sword.

How hard my Dad is gonna punch me: Warden Punch.

Why do orphans not have cheese on their burgers? They don't have a dad to get milk.

I'm sorry your dad beat you instead of cancer.

What did The Rock say to his dad?

"I'm gonna Rock Bottom my cock down your throat!"

Yo dad's so stupid, he came back after he got the milk.

Little Johnny sits on a chair. He notices he is sitting on something. Then he sees a plastic di**. He asks his mom, "What's that?" and Mom didn't know, so when his dad comes home from work, he sees him with the plastic di** and says, "Son, why you messing with my personal toy?"

God, my dad got so pissed during 9/11.

All that work wasted.

Q: What’s worse than fingerbanging your sister?

A: Finding your dad's wedding ring.

What's Moby Dick's dad's name? Papa Boner.

I asked my mom why dad was so pale and sick. She said, "Shut the fuck up and keep digging!"

Why did the kid cry?

His dad didn't get the milk.

Why did the Dad cross the road?

To get the milk.

Why do orphans have gross cakes?

Because their dad didn't come home with the milk.

The quiet kid's dad dies. You go, "Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"Not your dad."

Then he says, "What comes after 47?"

The quiet kid says, "AK."

Son: Dad, I have black skin and you have white skin, are you sure you're my parents?

Dad: Oh... well I never thought it would come to this, or to your head that you were kidnapped...

Son: Am I kidnapped?

Dad: Well, you're adopted, and if you want to see your biological parents, they’ll be waiting for you in heaven.

A son walks up to his dad and says, "I'm so gay right now!"

"HOW COULD YOU? I THOUGHT YOU WERE STRAIGHT!!!" screams the dad.

"No, gay as in HAPPY," says the confused son, "I'm so happy right now!"

"Oh," says the dad, "why are you happy?"

Then the son said, "Because I just got 20 dollars for sucking a guy off."