Dad Jokes

Why did the Dad cross the road?

To get the milk.

Why do orphans have gross cakes?

Because their dad didn't come home with the milk.

The quiet kid's dad dies. You go, "Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"Not your dad."

Then he says, "What comes after 47?"

The quiet kid says, "AK."

Bin Laden’s kid comes sad from school.

“Dad, I got an F in Geography class!”

“Why is that?”

“The teacher asked me what’s the tallest building in New York and I said ‘Empire State Building.’”

Bin Laden waits a moment and then replies, “Let dad handle this one.”

What’s the difference between your dad and your hairline?

Nothing, they both ran off.

Dad: Son, do you want to play Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots?

Son: Sure, let me get it from the closet.

Dad: No, bring your sisters. Just like the game, they can’t move their legs.

I tell dad jokes all the time even though I’m not actually a dad.

I’m a faux pa.

Me: Do you eat your cereal with water? You: No, why? Me: 'Cause your dad never came back with the milk!

What's the difference between the milkman and my dad?

Nothing, they are both one thing except he never returns with milk.

(I've been eating cereal with water COMBINATION!)

I went to a birthday party and told dad jokes.

The jokes didn't go over well. I was asked to leave the orphanage.

My dad told me a joke one time. When I realized the joke, the second tower was hit.

What do you call a person with a flip flop?

My dad.

I love telling dad jokes. He always laughs.

My son came to me depressed, so I pointed to the spare bedroom and said, "Hang in here, son."

I have a joke about paper. It's tearable.

Son: Dad, I have black skin and you have white skin, are you sure you're my parents?

Dad: Oh... well I never thought it would come to this, or to your head that you were kidnapped...

Son: Am I kidnapped?

Dad: Well, you're adopted, and if you want to see your biological parents, they’ll be waiting for you in heaven.

A son walks up to his dad and says, "I'm so gay right now!"

"HOW COULD YOU? I THOUGHT YOU WERE STRAIGHT!!!" screams the dad.

"No, gay as in HAPPY," says the confused son, "I'm so happy right now!"

"Oh," says the dad, "why are you happy?"

Then the son said, "Because I just got 20 dollars for sucking a guy off."

Two guys watching a war movie at a bar are talking. One says to the other, "The Nazis starved my dad to death in a concentration camp during the war."

The other says, "My dad died in a camp as well... he broke his neck."

First guy says, "How did he break his neck?"

Second guy says, "He fell out of the guard tower."

This site is darker than fingering your sister and finding your dad's wedding ring.

I have an auntie who has no arms and no legs. She is my dad's half sister.