Dad jokes

I learned my dad got into a car crash this morning.

And my driver's license got revoked too.

How I Punch my Brother: Wooden Sword.

How he is telling Dad: Diamond Sword.

How hard my Dad is gonna punch me: Warden Punch.

Why did the kid cry?

His dad didn't get the milk.

Why did the Dad cross the road?

To get the milk.

Why do orphans have gross cakes?

Because their dad didn't come home with the milk.

The quiet kid's dad dies. You go, "Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"Not your dad."

Then he says, "What comes after 47?"

The quiet kid says, "AK."

Bin Laden’s kid comes sad from school.

“Dad, I got an F in Geography class!”

“Why is that?”

“The teacher asked me what’s the tallest building in New York and I said ‘Empire State Building.’”

Bin Laden waits a moment and then replies, “Let dad handle this one.”

What’s the difference between your dad and your hairline?

Nothing, they both ran off.

Dad: Son, do you want to play Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots?

Son: Sure, let me get it from the closet.

Dad: No, bring your sisters. Just like the game, they can’t move their legs.

I tell dad jokes all the time even though I’m not actually a dad.

I’m a faux pa.

Me: Do you eat your cereal with water? You: No, why? Me: 'Cause your dad never came back with the milk!

What's the difference between the milkman and my dad?

Nothing, they are both one thing except he never returns with milk.

(I've been eating cereal with water COMBINATION!)

I went to a birthday party and told dad jokes.

The jokes didn't go over well. I was asked to leave the orphanage.

My dad told me a joke one time. When I realized the joke, the second tower was hit.

What do you call a person with a flip flop?

My dad.

I love telling dad jokes. He always laughs.

My son came to me depressed, so I pointed to the spare bedroom and said, "Hang in here, son."

I have a joke about paper. It's tearable.

Your hairline goes back to when your dad left you.

Son: Dad, I have black skin and you have white skin, are you sure you're my parents?

Dad: Oh... well I never thought it would come to this, or to your head that you were kidnapped...

Son: Am I kidnapped?

Dad: Well, you're adopted, and if you want to see your biological parents, they’ll be waiting for you in heaven.