Dad jokes
What's the difference between milk and my dad?
Nothing, I apparently am allergic to both because I never see either of them.
What's the difference between my dad and milk? There is no difference; they both left.
What show has something orphans will never have?
American Dad!
I wanted to fuck my mom, but she replied, "My pussy only belongs to your dad." That's why I had to fuck her in the a$$!
I was playing hide-n-seek with my dad and he hid, but I could never find him till this day.
My cousin just broke up with his girlfriend, and I told him, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of her stuff."
My cousin just broke up with her boyfriend, and I told her, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of his stuff."
A black Jewish boy runs home from school one day and asks his father, “Daddy, am I more Jewish or more black?” The dad replies, “Why do you want to know, son?” “Because a kid at school is selling a bike for $50 and I want to know if I should talk him down to $40 or just steal it!”
Jeffy: "Daddy, Daddy, a monster said it’s gonna poop in your hat!"
Marvin: "I don’t believe that."
Jeffy: "But he said, 'Jeffy, I’m gonna poop in your Daddy’s hat!'"
The next morning,
Jeffy: "Daddy, a monster pooped in your hat!"
*Marvin/Mario looks in his hat*
Marvin: "Jeffy, I don’t believe you, you pooped in my hat!"
Trump: Caillou, can you please stop whining? That squirrel didn’t just eat our pizza, he also ditched your dad, and he’s your stepdad now.
Caillou: Why I’m bald, Trumpy?
Trump: I don’t know, but what I do know is that you’re a massive shit stain.
Roses are red, flowers naturally cannot be black.
I heard that your dad's in jail for selling crack!
Son: Dad, I have black skin and you have white skin, are you sure you're my parents?
Dad: Oh... well I never thought it would come to this, or to your head that you were kidnapped...
Son: Am I kidnapped?
Dad: Well, you're adopted, and if you want to see your biological parents, they’ll be waiting for you in heaven.
My dad told me a joke one time. When I realized the joke, the second tower was hit.
One time my dad was an orphan, so I questioned where he learned to parent.
What's the difference between me and my mate...
I left my dad, while hers left with their friend Cancer.
Kid: What is an orphan's favorite breakfast?
Teacher: What?
Kid: Fruity Pebbles with water.
Teacher: Why water?
Kid: 'Cause his dad never came back with the milk.
Don't listen to people when they say you have a dad bod. You don't.
You have a father figure.
"The dad was so horny he wanted to have sex with his wife, but his wife said no, so he fucked his daughter."
“Dad, can you explain to me what a solar eclipse is?”
No sun.
Hey, pass me that crowbar, please.
Sure... y’know, before the crowbar was invented, crows had to drink at home.