Your hairline is running away faster than when your dad went to get milk, and that’s saying something.
Life is better without my dad annoying me (him smacking me, screaming for something useless, limiting my screen time, and much more).
I loved the Twin Towers, it's a shame my dad didn't.
"What’s your name, son?" the principal asked his student. The kid replied, “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.” "Do you have a stutter?" the principal asked. The student answered, “No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk.”
You’re so ugly, I can see why your dad left now.
Your mum, your dad, The things you never had.
I turned the light on, and my dad said turn it off, so I unplugged his life support.
A boy was terrible at writing sentences, so his teacher gave him an assignment to help with that. The boy was to go home, write five sentences, and return to school the next day.
When he went home, he took a notepad and a pen and went to his dad for help. His dad was in a very important business call, so he angrily shouted at the child, "Shut up, you donkey!" The boy noted down that sentence. He next went to his mom, who assumed that he wanted to play video games, so she said, "No, my dear, tomorrow." That was his second sentence. For the third sentence, he went to his older brother, who was watching football where someone scored a goal, so he was jumping up and down yelling, "Goal! Goal!"
For the fourth sentence, he went to his sister, who was singing, "Spider-Man, Spider-Man!" For the last sentence, he went to his grandmother, who was cleaning the toilet and singing, "Under the toilet, under the toilet."
He went to school the next day, and his teacher asked him to tell her the sentences. The boy said, "Shut up, you donkey!" The teacher got angry after hearing this and asked the boy, "Do you want me to slap you?" The boy said, "No, my dear, tomorrow." This made the teacher so angry that she slapped the boy. Immediately, he started jumping up and down yelling, "Goal! Goal!" The teacher dragged him to the principal's office, as she was fed up with him. The principal asked the boy what his name was, to which he replied by singing, "Spider-Man, Spider-Man!" She asked him where he lived, so he sang, "Under the toilet, under the toilet."
Asked my dad what LGBT stands for.
He started with "Lettuce? Bacon. Tomato. What's the 'g' for?" Obviously, I had to reply with "Garnish."
At what point does a joke become a dad joke? When it disappears and never returns home
stop making jokes about 9/11 my dad died in 9/11. BEST PILOT OF SOUTHERN ARABIA
ALAKBAR
Dad: Son, do you want to play Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots?
Son: Sure, let me get it from the closet.
Dad: No, bring your sisters. Just like the game, they can’t move their legs.
Son: Dad, where are you?
Dad: Getting another one.
Son: Getting what?
Dad: Dad.
I asked my Dad the other day, "At what age is it okay to have sex with girls?"
He replied, "When they leave school, son, they are legal."
Apparently, 3:15 p.m. is not what he meant.
What's the difference between the milkman and my dad?
Nothing, they are both one thing except he never returns with milk.
(I've been eating cereal with water COMBINATION!)
"Dad, did you get a haircut?"
"No, I got them all cut!"
I finally asked my deadbeat dad what makes him happy. His answer? He hasn't gotten back to me.
What is the difference between the pizza guy and my dad?
The pizza guy shows up when you call him.
Your dad is so smart, he took one look at you and left.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
Not your dad.