Dad

Dad jokes

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I think my dad loves jokes.

Because he laughs when he looks at me.

Little Johnny saw his dad getting head from his mom. Johnny asked what they were doing, and mom stopped and said she was fixing his dad's pants. Little Johnny says, "That explains what the lady next door was doing."

Why should you abuse the hell out of an orphan? Because what are they gonna do? Tell their mom or dad?

I have the heart of my mom, the face of my dad, the eyes of my grandpa, the ears of my grandma, and the hair of my uncle. We don't look anything alike; I just collect body parts.

Sara opens her lunch and reads the letter inside. "I packed your favorite -love mom," Sara reaches in and announces "yay PB and J!" Tom goes in his lunch and pulls out a letter "go buy yourself something healthy at the cafeteria -Dad," then pulls out 20 bucks and says "nice!" They both look at Craig as he pulls out a letter. Craig reads the letter in his head, it said "WE HAVE YOUR PARENTS, THEY TELL US THEY KEEP THE MONEY UNDER THEIR BED. BRING $10 000 TO THE RANDAVOU POINT OR THEY WILL BE KILLED. YOU DIDN'T TAKE US SERIOUSLY LAST TIME SO THERE IS MORE PROOF IN YOUR LUNCH." Craig throws down the letter and pulls a finger out of his lunch. Tom and Sara look shocked, then Craig says "ugh, severed finger, again!"

My dad told me to stop with the suicide jokes, so I said I’ll cut it out.

Dad: If you study, then I will buy you a new iPhone.

Son: Okay, I'll do it!

5 hours later...

Son: I'm done!

Dad: I lied.

Son: So did I!

The daughter of an incestuous pedophile goes into the living room where he is watching TV and asks him if she can borrow the car that evening.

"Sure honey! If you suck my dick!"

So she gets down on him but something is wrong. She pops her head up and says: "Dad! This tastes like shit!"

"Oh yeah, I forgot," says the father. "I already gave your brother the car for tonight."

I bet you eat your cereal with water because your dad never came back with the milk.

Why does an orphan use water for his cereal?

He is waiting for his dad with the milk.

So, Dad is teaching his 8-year-old son about the planets and said, "This is Uranus." Then the 5-year-old son says, "Where is my anus?"

I don't understand why people hate it when they hear a dad joke. They are actually pretty funny, and I will show you Y. (shows a picture of the letter Y)