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Dad

Dad jokes

You wonder and you wonder. Grandma said you better go to bed now. Tell your dad and grandpa, and your dad and your mom.

One day my pet barked at me and so I got scared and was my dad actually. It was weird, you should’ve saw him and so the day goes on because he likes to run around the house that he likes to do it out 😂😂😂😂😱

Dad: Hey, have you seen that new movie, "Constipation"?

Son: No.

Dad: It hasn't come out yet.

These cannibal kids come running into the cave and ask their mom what's for dinner? She says, "Dad's gonna grill wieners!"

An obese, depressed mother is trying to tie a noose, but can't reach it, so she calls her son for help.

*A few minutes later*

son: There.

mother: Where did you learn to tie such a good noose?

son: Dad showed me before he died.

mother: DAMN HIM TO HE- *slips and the noose chokes her to death*

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    • When you say to your dad...

    AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

    Dad be like...

    Who wants my son?

    Nan be like, "Me!"

    Kid be like...

    AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GIVE ME #### ROUX!

    What are roux, says nan?

    Um, they're your life savings!

    Nan be like, "Let's get some roux!"

    I still remember my dad's last words: "Don't worry son, Allah will be pleased."

    10 years ago my dad went to get milk. He said when he got back, he was going to tell me a joke. That joke better be worth it!

    My dad and I were talking and my cat left the room.

    So I said, "I guess she wasn't feline it."

    My dad said, "You've got to be kitten me, that was purrfect!"

    I said, "Literally."

    Knock, knock.

    Who's there?

    Natyourcheese.

    Natyourcheese who?

    Natyourcheese, I wasn't gonna say bless you!