Cut

Cut jokes

Rape

Rape can happen to anybody, so I think I will continue taking the short cut home through the dark alleyways, wearing barely anything and walk really close to bushes.

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  • Wine

    I was sitting on my own in a restaurant when I saw a beautiful woman at another table. I sent her a bottle of the most expensive wine on the menu. She sent me a note, “I will not touch a drop of this wine unless you can assure me that you have seven inches in your pocket.” I wrote back, “Give me the wine. As gorgeous as you are, I'm not cutting off three inches for anyone.”

    Dad

    Me: Hey dad, I'm in debt, my dick got cut off, I have depression, and I am suicidal!

    Dad: Hi in debt, my dick got cut off, I have depression, and I am suicidal! I'm dad!

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  • Self Harm

    When I self-harmed one day, my mother told me that it cut her deep. We both found that very amusing.

    Friend

    What do friends and trees have in common? They both fall down when you hit them with an axe.

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  • Memes

    Dad

    My dad told me to stop with the suicide jokes, so I said I’ll cut it out.

    Depth

    I had to stop using cutting jokes because they were getting too deep.

    Suicide

    I started debating whether or not suicide is a good option. Self-harm just hasn’t been cutting it lately.

    To whoever you are, you are loved.

    Talking tree

    A man walks into a magic forest, when he stumbles upon a talking tree and tries to cut it down. The tree says, "You can't cut me down, I'm a talking tree!" The man replies, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."

    Cop

    I wasn't cut out for running today, but those cops came out of nowhere.

    Zebra

    I got jealous of the zebras. Sorry, I’ll cut it out. I wanted to practice for my med school test.

    Emo

    I can’t hang out with an emo when they are sad? Why? Because it cuts deeply.

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  • Song

    Guess what song this is from:

    "I'll cut you into little bitty pieces,

    Or freeze you till your blood runs cold,

    Or stab your till' you heart stops pumping.

    I'm here to realize your wish from what I'm told."

    Skill

    I was cutting the vegetables and my mom asked how I was so skillful.

    Lorax

    I am the Lorax. I speak for trees. I have the high ground, and I will cut off your knees.

    Grass

    Life would be so much easier if grass was emo.

    Because it would cut itself.