Cut jokes
I started debating whether or not suicide is a good option. Self-harm just hasn’t been cutting it lately.
To whoever you are, you are loved.
"what's that on your wrist?"
"I'm a cutting board. duh"
I had to stop using cutting jokes because they were getting too deep.
Rape can happen to anybody, so I think I will continue taking the short cut home through the dark alleyways, wearing barely anything and walk really close to bushes.
I was sitting on my own in a restaurant when I saw a beautiful woman at another table. I sent her a bottle of the most expensive wine on the menu. She sent me a note, “I will not touch a drop of this wine unless you can assure me that you have seven inches in your pocket.” I wrote back, “Give me the wine. As gorgeous as you are, I'm not cutting off three inches for anyone.”
Life would be so much easier if grass was emo.
Because it would cut itself.
Me: Hey dad, I'm in debt, my dick got cut off, I have depression, and I am suicidal!
Dad: Hi in debt, my dick got cut off, I have depression, and I am suicidal! I'm dad!
When I self-harmed one day, my mother told me that it cut her deep. We both found that very amusing.
What do friends and trees have in common? They both fall down when you hit them with an axe.
My dad told me to stop with the suicide jokes, so I said I’ll cut it out.
I got jealous of the zebras. Sorry, I’ll cut it out. I wanted to practice for my med school test.
Why did the Polish urologist cut his cock off with a knife?
To take care of his erectile dysfunction.
- The emo went to give the tree a high five, but the emo was left hanging.
- How did the gay person die? Homicide.
- Why did the emo get kicked out of the amusement park? He was cutting in line.
- When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it leaves and never comes back.
- I cried when my dad chopped onions. Onions was such a good dog.
- I have happy memories building sandcastles with my dad, until my mom took his urn away.
- How is the person over there different from cancer? His dad didn't beat cancer.
I was cutting the vegetables and my mom asked how I was so skillful.
A man walks into a magic forest, when he stumbles upon a talking tree and tries to cut it down. The tree says, "You can't cut me down, I'm a talking tree!" The man replies, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."
I wasn't cut out for running today, but those cops came out of nowhere.
What's an emo person's least favorite game? Cut The Rope.
I can’t hang out with an emo when they are sad? Why? Because it cuts deeply.
What was the Roman Empire cut in half by?
A pair of Caesars.
Guess what song this is from:
"I'll cut you into little bitty pieces,
Or freeze you till your blood runs cold,
Or stab your till' you heart stops pumping.
I'm here to realize your wish from what I'm told."