You get paper cuts on each eye and walk off a cliff.
What do you call a flat-chested emo girl?
A cutting board.
There's two types of emo people:
1. People that cut side to side.
2. And people that cut up and down.
The most efficient is up and down.
Friend: Why don't you cut your hair? Me: Dunno, but i'll probably cut my wrists first
what's the difference between an onion and a baby?
nobody cries when you cut up the baby.
A guy walks into a magical forest looking to cut down a tree. The best one he can find is a magical talking tree. He holds his axe up ready to slice and begins to swing when the tree says, "Stop! I'm a magical tree. You can't cut me." "I'm a magical tree!" the man mocks, then as he goes to swing the axe he says, "You may be a magical tree... But you will dialogue!"
Little Johnny and little Sally walked in on Mommy and Daddy going at it in the bedroom doggy style. They innocently ask, "Mommy, Daddy what are you doing?"
Mommy says, "Oh, Daddy is just parking his car in Mommy's garage, now go and play."
A few minutes later they hear a blood curdling squeal and run to see what was the matter.
Little Johnny is running in circles squealing and little Sally says, "Well little Johnny was trying to park his car in my garage and he couldn't get the back wheels in so I took the scissors and cut them off."
How does the man on the moon cut his hair?
Eclipses it!
What do you call a cut cucumber?
A guy with no legs.
What do you call an emo that cuts too deep? Gushers.
A little girl and a little boy are taking a bath together when the little girl looks down and asks, "What's that?" The little boy says, "That's my little red race car." 10 minutes later, the boy looks down and asks, "What's that?" The little girl says, "That's my little red race car garage."
So later that night the boy asks the little girl if he can put his little red race car in her little red race car garage. She says yes, and they pull down their pants and the boy tries putting his little red race car in her garage, but it won't fit. Downstairs, the mother hears an ear-piercing scream and runs upstairs, flips on the lights, and sees blood on the floor. The mother asks, "What happened?" The little girl says, "We tried putting his car in my garage and it wouldn't fit, so I cut the back wheels off."
How do you cut the sea in half?
With a sea-saw.
Q: Do you know why transgender people are good at being carpenters?
A: Because they have more experience cutting off their wood.
what's flat and great for cutting? me.
My friend told me my wrist wasn't a cutting board. So I asked her if hers was at all, and if I could borrow it.
Life is like a film; it goes on, but you can cut at any time.
Why are there so many scars and cuts on your arm?
Because it's a battlefield.
You know those paper families you cut out?
Well, I put one of those in an orphanage.
Every time someone calls me fat, I get so depressed I cut myself... a piece of cake.
Three blonde girls are on an island, and they are much too far away from land to swim. They find a genie on the island who offers them each one wish. The first girl says, "I wish I was smart enough to get off this island!" So the genie makes her a redheaded girl, she cuts down a tree, makes it into a boat, and proceeds to row off the island.
The next girl says, "I wish I was even smarter than her so I don't have to do so much manual labor!" So she turns into a brunette and makes a sailboat and lets the wind take her off the island.
The final girl says, "I wish I was smarter than both of them!" So she turns into a man and takes the bridge.
