Cut jokes
Why was the emo jealous of the orange?
It came precut.
When you say, "I wish I could cut off these bumps on my neck." (Your mom walking to you with a knife.)
How do you keep a mute woman you've raped from telling on you?
By cutting off her fingers.
What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza?
Pizza won't cut itself.
How did the pornstar cut herself while using a drill?
She was too used to grabbing the tip.
What do Emos say to each other?
"I like your cuts, G."
My best friend is transgender; she transitioned from a man into a woman. I think it's courageous of her to take a pay cut like that.
Cats are like onions; when I cut them, I cry.
There's a white guy, black guy, and Santa Claus. They get a hotel room.
White guy goes in room first and sees money on the table and he picks it up. A ghost appears and says, "Put down my money or I'll cut off your weiner." He gets scared and jumps out the window.
Black guy goes in the room, sees the money and picks it up. Ghost appears and says, "Put down my money or I'll cut off you're weiner." He gets scared and jumps out the window.
Santa Claus goes in the room sees the money and picks it up. Ghost appears, "Put down my money or I'll cut off you're weiner." Santa Claus looks at the ghost and says "I'm the ghost of Christmas past, you touch my dick I'll kick your ass!"
What's the best part about having emo grass?
It cuts itself!
I got jealous of the zebras. Sorry, I’ll cut it out. I wanted to practice for my med school test.
What is 8 divided by 2?
Answer: 3 (you cut 8 in half).
When a woman says, "I need to be treated like a delicate flower," don't cut the wrong cord on the bomb.
The Emo kid was late to his flight, so he needed to cut to the chase.
MU, I love your joke, but I cut myself a piece of cake, pie, steak, cheesecake, and anything else I can find.
When I cut vegetables for my famous stew, I don’t know why everyone in the nursing home is always looking at me.
A kid went and got a haircut. The day after, he went to school, and a friend says, "I like your cut." He replies, "Which one?"
I was joking about self-harm to my friend, and she told me to "CUT it out!" I couldn't even laugh.
When we were at the self-checkout, she started scanning my arms. I asked her what she was doing. She said, "Trying to see if it beeps, ya think I'd get it to work if I scanned your thighs?"
I said, "Nah, bro, you'd overload the system if you put it there."
Chuck does not cut butter with a knife, he cuts a knife with butter.
I had to stop using cutting jokes because they were getting too deep.