Cut jokes
You're so fat, when someone calls you fat, you get depressed and cut you a slice of cake.
Why do people want emo grass? Because it'll cut itself.
1. Full name: John.
2. Proverb: work is not a rabbit, does not run.
3. Favorite meal: the sphinx with the sour cream.
4. Sexual orientation: sexually disorientated.
5. Mental health: mentally retarded.
6. Previous careers: funeral undertaking, after that two years in the circus as the main brown bear, after that in the church school for two years, after this experience five years as a screw in the jail for the worst criminals with the top degree of supervision and now working for the secret services in my home country after gaining the top-secret audit.
7. Favorite pets: dog, bumble bee named Maxo, a butterfly named Redwing and the lizard named Notail.
8. Favorite activities: washing the dishes, cutting the woods, vacuuming and playing hard rock.
9. Working motivation: none.
I hope that you will accept my curriculum vitae and that we will see each other soon already as new colleagues, I wish more or less. Kind regards, John.
How to get rich:
Step 1: Tell an orphan he will get a family.
Step 2: Knock out the orphan.
Step 3: Cut open the orphan.
Step 4: Well there [are] organs.
Step 5: Do it again.
And nobody will call the cops 'cause they got no family.
I used to be emo, but I don't cut myself to solve my problems anymore.
I just drink a bunch of liquor like an adult.
I once had an emo friend doing a course for the marines. He made the cut.
If emo grass cuts itself for you, then what do transgender picture frames do?
Did you hear what happened to Lorainna Bobbit? She was in an accident on the Garden State Parkway. She told the State Police Officer, "That some dick cut her off."
Why did the skydiver bring a backup parachute?
In case the first one wanted to "cut ties" with them mid-air.
If somebody cuts their leg off and hits you with it, would they be kicking or hitting you?
Why do emos cut themselves?
To play noughts and crosses.
I wish the grass in my backyard was emo.
So it can cut itself.
Maybe if the grass on my front lawn had depression, It would cut itself.
Why do egos like robbing banks?
They get a cut.
I'm gonna cut my life off.
USS Liberty. Never forget.
It was bombed and destroyed by the Israeli airforce. Thirty-four dead, 171 wounded. The official story says “accident,” yet an American flag was clearly visible on the ship.
Motive: An attempt to cut off our foreign intelligence on Israel? Blame the bombing on an Arab country?
Just imagine if any other nation bombed an American ship...
Do you wanna lose ten pounds of ugly fat? Cut off your head.
OWWWWWWWWWWW I JUST GOT A CUT ON MY BUTT. Oh wait, that’s always been there.
MU, I love your joke, but I cut myself a piece of cake, pie, steak, cheesecake, and anything else I can find.
What did the chicken say when he saw a human running around uncontrollably?
"It's running around like a chicken with its head cut off!"