Cry jokes

Your sister is so ugly that she made an onion cry.

Your sister is so stupid, she only thinks an onion will make people cry.

So I threw a coconut at her.

An orphan boy at my school did really bad in a test and started crying.

I said, “Don’t worry, your parents won’t say anything.”

This kid was crying, so I asked him where his parents were. He just cried harder. I still remember him every time I pass that orphanage.

Why did the orphan cry? Because he was an orphan and he watched his parents die.

Me: Hey, are your parents here?

Orphan: (crying) STOP CALLING HERE!

What did the traffic light say to the other?

🚦🚥🚦 Stop looking, I'm changing!

My dad went to school saying dad jokes. I was embarrassed and I cried with a-dult cry.

There is a similarity between my wallet and an onion.

They always make me cry.

I can cry, but I don't have eyes. I can fly, but I don't have wings. Who am I?

A cloud.

How do you stop a baby from crying?

You drown it.

What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?

A bowling ball doesn't cry when you put your fingers in it.

My son is such a miserable brat, I bought him a brand new trampoline for Christmas and all he wants to do is sit in his wheelchair and cry.

Yesterday, I tried to help a little girl by a road stop crying. I asked her where her parents were, and that made her cry harder. So then I asked her where her house was, and she said with tears, "I don't have one." So I got her in my car and drove her to where she said she was living. It was an orphanage.

Mom: Anna, let your younger brother have the sled one half of the time, and you the other half. That way it will all be fair, and I don't have to put up with this crying. I've already got seven others to take care of.

Anna: I do, Mom. I have Fred (younger brother) go up, and I go down!

Mom: Good. Now how 'bout the rest of you go play outside? It's beautiful out there! It's the warmest it's been all year, 45 degrees below 0!

Kids: Wow! I never thought it would warm up! I love Alaska!

Papa: Johnny, Johnny.

Johnny: Yes, Papa?

Papa: Open wide.

Johnny: HAHAHA.

Papa: *unzips pants*

Johnny: *crying* No, Papa!

Three men die at the same time and go to Heaven. St. Peter says to them, "It's going to be a long journey to heaven, so I will give you a good vehicle depending on how much you've cheated on your wives."

"We'll start with you, Michael. Since you were quite the womanizer and cheated on your wife multiple times, you will be getting a Toyota." The man, embarrassed, left in the Toyota.

"Nolan, you were better; you cheated on your wife twice, so I will give you a Mercedes. Now, as for you, Mark, you never cheated on your wife; you are an absolute saint, so I will be giving you a Lamborghini."

The man in the Toyota saw the man with the Lamborghini the next day crying like a child on his car, and he asked the man in the Lamborghini, "What the hell is going on?"

The man in the Lamborghini says, "I just saw my wife riding through the streets of Heaven on roller skates!"

Lemme just say one thing:

Depression is not funny. Two of my best friends have it, and it's actually quite hard to watch them suffer with it. They cry all the time, they get upset all the time, they either have wanted to or still do want to kill themselves. It's really not funny to joke about depression.

Why was the Ethiopian baby crying?

It was having a mid-life crisis.

Crying babies are like parties. No matter how many times you try to end it, it keeps going.