Cry Jokes

Lemme tell you a little story.

It’s night. You’re in your room, trying to sleep. But you keep hearing it—scratching. Soft at first. Like fingernails on wood. You tell yourself it’s rats, or the house settling. But it keeps going. Slow... then faster.

So finally, you get outta bed. You get on your hands and knees, put your ear to the floor. And you hear it. A voice. Whispers. Crying.

Your heart’s pounding. You grab a crowbar. You pry up the floorboards. One by one. Your sweat’s dripping into the dust. The noise gets louder.

And finally... you peel back the last plank.

And you see these eyes. Wide and terrified. And a pale little face staring up at you.

BOOOOOOO!!!!

It’s Anne Frank.

I arrived at work and saw a kid crying. I walked up to the kid and asked, "Hey, where are your parents?" and the kid just cried more. God, I love working at an orphanage.

Roses are dead. violets are dying. Outside I'm smiling. Inside I'm crying.

There was a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. He cried more. I love working at an orphanage.

Yo momma is so ugly, she made my Happy Meal cry.

What's the difference between child abuse and abandonment?

The abused ones are forced to listen while being abused, while abandoned kids cry because they don't have parents anymore.

A boy asks his father:

"What is politics?"

Father answers:

"It’s very simple! You see, I bring in the money, so I’m big business. Your mother spends the money, so she’s the government.

Your grandfather sees to it that everything is managed in an orderly way. So he’s the law.

Our maid is the working class.

Everything revolves around your interests, so you’re the people. Your little baby brother represents the future."

The boy has to think it over. That night he hears his little brother crying due to a dirty diaper. He doesn’t know what to do, so he goes to the bedroom of his parents. There his mother is sound asleep. He goes to the bedroom of the maid, but his father is there fucking the maid — and oddly enough his grandfather is watching through the window.

Nobody notices the boy and he returns to his bed.

The next day his father asks him:

"So, can you now explain to me what politics is?"

The boy says:

"Yes, it’s all become clear to me!

Big business screws over the working class while the law watches and the government sleeps. The people are ignored and the future lies in shit."

My son is such a miserable brat, I bought him a brand new trampoline for Christmas and all he wants to do is sit in his wheelchair and cry.

I beat up a failed musician until he started crying.

I thought a few hits would cheer him up!

Crying babies are like parties. No matter how many times you try to end it, it keeps going.

How do you stop a baby from crying?

You drown it.

What do you call an autistic person? Names.

I'm autistic myself, so don't go crying in my comment section.

A young boy is stood on the top of a cliff crying. A priest approaches and says, "Why are you crying my son?" "My parents just crashed the car off the cliff and died." "It's just not your day today is it?" Said the priest, unbuttoning his flies.

How do you make a mime cry?

You kill his family right in front of his stupid face.

There was a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. He cried more. Orphanages are really fun to work at.

What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?

A bowling ball doesn't cry when you put your fingers in it.

Why did the cookie cry?

Because its mom was a wafer too long!

I asked to switch seats on a plane because I was next to a crying baby.

Evidently that doesn't work if the baby is yours.

Put Helen Keller in George Floyd's position. How would she cry out for help? Would she just moan, or would she try to do sign language?

I have a riddle for you:

10 people are on a boat, but they all die due to a tsunami except the captain.

Then, when he gets home, his wife serves him “penguin meat.”

Once he eats it, he starts crying.

Why?