Why do rapists and pedophiles never win a race?
Because they always like to come in a little behind.
Crime Jokes
Last night, I burned an orphanage. There was one survivor who said I would regret it. I said, "What are you gonna do? Tell your parents?"
What does a pedophile and a light switch have in common?
They both get turned on by children.
What's a pirate's favorite letter?
(People will then say "r")
Arrr, you think it be "r" but really it's the "C" that they love.
What's a pirate's least favorite letter?
Dear sir,
You are being investigated for downloading illegal copyrighted material, and your internet will be cut off.
I saw a robbery at the Apple store.
Am I an iWitness?
Two teenagers were raping an 11-year-old girl in an alley, so I stepped in to help. The little bitch didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.
Why was the guitarist arrested?
He fingered a minor.
What did the cannibal do after eating all the vegetables?
Sold the wheelchairs on eBay.
What's a kidnapper's favorite shoes?
White vans.
Son: "Dad, are we pyromaniacs?"
Dad: "Yes, we arson."
How do you get Wacko Jacko to come inside your shop? Have little boys' pants half off!
What's black on top and white on the bottom?
rape.
Pedophiles are fucking immature assholes.
Not done yet.
Now they are.
I was at the bar with a friend, and he said to me, "Veronica, I just stopped a rape." The bartender overheard him and had a puzzled look on his face, because he never moved. He then said, "I saw this girl walk into the bathroom, and I decided not to go."
The police department made a new machine that will teleport you back to prison if you commit a crime. The police release 4 criminals: a hacker, a rapist, a serial killer, and a drug lord. The hacker tries to hack a bank. The hacker gets teleported back to prison. The drug lord tries to cook meth. The drug lord gets teleported back to prison. Now the serial killer decides that she wants to change, but when she sees a knife she just can’t help it. She bends down to pick up the knife and the rapist gets teleported back to prison.
These murder jokes are just KILLING me!
Why did Susie get cut from the soccer team? She has no legs!
Who broke into my house by kicking down my door? Not Susie... But she still is in my basement, since she can't run!
If a woman gets raped, just walk away, don't bother. Cheer on the rapist if you want.
They believe they are equal to men, right? So they are able to fight back, right? Then prove it! My EQUALITY!
Little girls are like basic math. If they're under 13, you do them in your head.
I saw a guy raping a girl in the park, so I decided to help. She didn't stand a chance against the two of us.
