I got in big trouble the other day, though it was pretty unfair. Babies kick pregnant women all the time, and yet I got arrested anyways.
A man is consoling his nine-year-old daughter after she had been sexually assaulted.
"You need to be more careful," he said as he wrapped his arm around her, "this time it was me, next time it could be a total stranger."
What's a pirate's favorite letter?
(People will then say "r")
Arrr, you think it be "r" but really it's the "C" that they love.
What's a pirate's least favorite letter?
Dear sir,
You are being investigated for downloading illegal copyrighted material, and your internet will be cut off.
I saw a robbery at the Apple store.
Am I an iWitness?
What 3 words started Jeffery Dahmer's cannibalism?
"This isn't ketchup."
Two teenagers were raping an 11-year-old girl in an alley, so I stepped in to help. The little bitch didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.
Why was the guitarist arrested?
He fingered a minor.
What's a kidnapper's favorite shoes?
White vans.
Son: "Dad, are we pyromaniacs?"
Dad: "Yes, we arson."
What did the cannibal do after eating all the vegetables?
Sold the wheelchairs on eBay.
Pedophiles are fucking immature assholes.
Not done yet.
Now they are.
What's black on top and white on the bottom?
rape.
I was at the bar with a friend, and he said to me, "Veronica, I just stopped a rape." The bartender overheard him and had a puzzled look on his face, because he never moved. He then said, "I saw this girl walk into the bathroom, and I decided not to go."
The police department made a new machine that will teleport you back to prison if you commit a crime. The police release 4 criminals: a hacker, a rapist, a serial killer, and a drug lord. The hacker tries to hack a bank. The hacker gets teleported back to prison. The drug lord tries to cook meth. The drug lord gets teleported back to prison. Now the serial killer decides that she wants to change, but when she sees a knife she just can’t help it. She bends down to pick up the knife and the rapist gets teleported back to prison.
Why did Susie get cut from the soccer team? She has no legs!
Who broke into my house by kicking down my door? Not Susie... But she still is in my basement, since she can't run!
These murder jokes are just KILLING me!
Michael Jackson and Tonya Harding got together back in the day for a horse racing venture. Tonya says, "I'll handle the handicapping, you go ride the 3-year-olds."
Little girls are like basic math. If they're under 13, you do them in your head.
I saw a guy raping a girl in the park, so I decided to help. She didn't stand a chance against the two of us.
Q: What's a pedophile's favorite place to eat?
A: Schools because there is a wide variety of choices.
