Crime jokes
What's black and white and red all over? The prisoner I just hit with my car.
Why do pedophiles go to a nursery?
Early access.
Did you hear about the boy who got raped by a group of women in the park whilst jogging? Now there are lots of male joggers in the area.
I stopped a terrorist from killing 100 people on a plane using self-control.
I like my dates like I like my wine...
Locked in a cellar and aged for 12 years.
How do you keep a mute woman you've raped from telling on you?
By cutting off her fingers.
I only kidnapped orphans because they have no parents to report them missing.
I saw a robbery at the Apple store.
Am I an iWitness?
What did the racist serial killer say to the cop?
“Wait, you’re getting paid?”
What’s the difference between 911 and an abortion?
With 911 there was a victim to tell the tale.
Michael Jackson and Tonya Harding got together back in the day for a horse racing venture. Tonya says, "I'll handle the handicapping, you go ride the 3-year-olds."
What do pedophiles call children in wheelchairs?
"Meals on Wheels."
Pedophiles are fucking immature assholes.
Not done yet.
Now they are.
What's black on top and white on the bottom?
rape.
Why was the guitarist arrested?
He fingered a minor.
What did the white kid pull out of his bookbag?
A 9mm.
What's the difference between an in-law and an outlaw?
An outlaw is wanted.
Jeff, did you hear they're making a film about Jimmy Savile? It’s a very touchy subject.
Yeah, I did, Gary, but did you hear the reviews on the Bill Cosby film? People said it was so boring it put them to sleep.
What's the smartest crime?
3rd degree murder.
What does Michael Jackson ask little boys before going to bed? Are you sleeping?