Crime jokes

"Look at these kids stealing ideas, bro. They're going to jail."

Why was the belt arrested? Because it held up pants.

"Prince, be honest, do you still love me?"

How would Stephen Hawking get rid of the police?

Go to the junkyard.

Police: Hey man, look at this! *throws cocaine at fan and it flew back into his face* Me: Are you okay? Police: Looks like I "crack"ed the case.

We the jury are yet to deliver our final verdict, but we would like to have a guess.

Is it Mrs. Peacock with the candlestick in the library?

They laughed at my crayon drawing.

So I laughed at their chalk outline.

"Ya tryna run? Hop in the van."

What's the difference between me calling my girlfriend a pedophile and her calling me one?

Oh wait, I am because she's 10.

My brother tried to hit this guy with a plane and but hit the Twin Towers.

NEWS: A man kidnapped a 13-year-old girl.

MOM OF GIRL: The man had a shady face and a receding hairline.

If a dog is white with black spots, then it is 90% great and 10% guilty because it half way starts crimes and is a mistake to the world and is punished by the white dogs that are full white and not mixed colors.

"When I was in jail, my girlfriend abandoned me. I created a fascination with becoming a gynecologist. When I got bailed out, I became a Travis Bickle."

Did you hear about the Syrian guy that shot a bunch of people? He was Robert Kurd.

What is the legal term for shoplifting?

10 fingers discount.

My ex broke up with me the day before his birthday. Yeah, he never got to see anything on his birthday. Next thing you know, I'm now in prison.

Trump's releasing the files.

To catch all the pedophiles.

He didn't know Epstein.

Didn't touch any teens.

A man comes to an assassin who charges $1000 per shot. He tells the assassin, "My wife's been cheating on me. I want you to shoot her in the head and shoot the guy in the dick." When they arrive, they wait. The man asks why he hasn't taken the shot. The assassin says, "I know how I can save you $1000."

Why did Arnold throw his clock out of the window?

It reminded him of Richard Clocks, a man convicted for knife raping his wife.

What did Saskia say to Brandon?

Saskia: "Can you rape me like you did Sydney?"