Crime jokes

Trump's releasing the files.

To catch all the pedophiles.

He didn't know Epstein.

Didn't touch any teens.

The USA has school shootings. We Canadians have bus beheadings.

Vince Li doesn't eat comedians. He says they taste funny.

Q. What do you get when you cross Vince Li with a bus? A. A whole lot of people who wished they'd missed the bus that day.

When a redhead commits a mass shooting, does the headline read, "Ginger snaps"?

If a woman named Susan gets murdered, is it considered a Sue-icide?

What do you call a Japanese car thief?

Tommy took a motor.

A man comes to an assassin who charges $1000 per shot. He tells the assassin, "My wife's been cheating on me. I want you to shoot her in the head and shoot the guy in the dick." When they arrive, they wait. The man asks why he hasn't taken the shot. The assassin says, "I know how I can save you $1000."

Why did Arnold throw his clock out of the window?

It reminded him of Richard Clocks, a man convicted for knife raping his wife.

What did Saskia say to Brandon?

Saskia: "Can you rape me like you did Sydney?"

My dad raped my mom, now I have a brother.

I saw a man trying to rape a dog. I decided to help. The dog can't stand a chance against the both of us.

So you wanna play like that, ayy? Well, Sydney didn't wanna play like that either, and that's why you got arrested.

Two boys were playing cards on a picnic table outside the school. Both of the boys had revolvers hidden in their waistband.

Now, one of the boys was a notorious cheater, who liked to hide his cards in his waistband. Recess was just about to end, when all the kids heard a loud bang erupt from the picnic table. In tears, the card player admitted that he had shot the other card player, stating "I played a King, and he started reaching for his waistband!"

What’s the difference between Jesus and the toddler in my basement?

Jesus died a virgin.

These girls were bullying a kid. I asked if they were raping him. They stopped.

Don't say you want to eat out a five-year-old's pussy, because I have already shoved a glass dildo in her tight ass pussy, UwU.

What flavor ice cream do rape victims enjoy?

Cock flavor.

Why did the pedophile cross the road?

Because there was a school on the other side.

How do you rape a girl?

By doing a tornado kick to your head since you stupid kids like rape jokes!