Crime jokes
Why did the orphan rob a bank?
For he can be wanted.
I like to commit arson as a recreational activity, you?
"Terrorist, that’s a little strong. We call them private militaries."
What does a beaten woman do when she comes home from the hospital?
Dishes if she knows what's good for her health.
Mommy, mommy! Are we bank robbers?
Shut up and pass me the note.
What 16 stoner rode a Derby winner?
Lester Piggott's cellmate.
Why did the ducks go to jail?
They sold quack.
"Ahoy, Spongebob! I just committed homicide in Syria, and the one-party state is after my fucking ass! Argagagagagaga!"
Why did the bounty hunter not cash in an orphan?
He was not worth keeping.
I was cussing out this kid for stealing, and their mom walked in and said, "Hey, language!" I just said, "English, bitch!"
One time, a man got mad at me because I was hitting on his girlfriend. Like come on, man, it was only a couple of bruises!
What's the difference between a wanted person and a wanted handicapped person? The handicapped person wasn’t last seen on foot.
I've been looking for my parents for years.
For the life of me, I can't remember where I hid their bodies.
Me walking away after committing murder in a school with my trusty “friend”.
The best way to enjoy Port Arthur is to shoot through--a quote by hilarious comedian Isaac Butterfield.
The best way to enjoy Port Arthur is to shoot through--a quote by comedian Isaac Butterfield.
How do you make Prince Andrew sad? You tell him you're over 16.
What is Batman like?
He is an orphan.
Our soon to be ex-Justice Minister is trying to distract us from his own misconduct charges by funding advocates for crime victims.
He should fund proctologists too because he'll likely need both after prison.
What did Jarrah say to Hanjour?