Crime jokes

Our soon to be ex-Justice Minister is trying to distract us from his own misconduct charges by funding advocates for crime victims.

He should fund proctologists too because he'll likely need both after prison.

The best way to enjoy Port Arthur is to shoot through--a quote by hilarious comedian Isaac Butterfield.

How do you make Prince Andrew sad? You tell him you're over 16.

What is Batman like?

He is an orphan.

What did Al-Shehhi say to Mohamed Atta?

"We are on time!"

What 16 stoner rode a Derby winner?

Lester Piggott's cellmate.

Why did the ducks go to jail?

They sold quack.

"Ahoy, Spongebob! I just committed homicide in Syria, and the one-party state is after my fucking ass! Argagagagagaga!"

Why did the bounty hunter not cash in an orphan?

He was not worth keeping.

How many babies does it take to paint the walls red?

Depends how hard you throw them.

I took my mother-in-law out today...

I love being a sniper.

"Look at these kids stealing ideas, bro. They're going to jail."

Why was the belt arrested? Because it held up pants.

"Prince, be honest, do you still love me?"

How would Stephen Hawking get rid of the police?

Go to the junkyard.

Police: Hey man, look at this! *throws cocaine at fan and it flew back into his face* Me: Are you okay? Police: Looks like I "crack"ed the case.

We the jury are yet to deliver our final verdict, but we would like to have a guess.

Is it Mrs. Peacock with the candlestick in the library?

They laughed at my crayon drawing.

So I laughed at their chalk outline.

"Ya tryna run? Hop in the van."

What's the difference between me calling my girlfriend a pedophile and her calling me one?

Oh wait, I am because she's 10.