Crime jokes
It's impossible to rape a rapeist because rapeists want sex.
How to get rich:
Step 1: Tell an orphan he will get a family.
Step 2: Knock out the orphan.
Step 3: Cut open the orphan.
Step 4: Well there [are] organs.
Step 5: Do it again.
And nobody will call the cops 'cause they got no family.
What do you call a sociopath who damages a box of Wheaties? A cereal criminal!
What was a pedophile's hardest thing? Fitting in!
Jake had sex and broke her hymen, guess he’s Jake the ripper.
Why did the rape victim cross the road?
Because she was a chicken!
Rapist: Rape doesn't hurt anybody.
Victim: (Implied response indicating the rapist is wrong)
What is harder than steel?
Michael Jackson in a playground.
A gay rapist saves a female rape victim, then rapes the rapist.
What do you call a man with no legs?
Hangman.
Roses are red, my name is Dan...
TDM, I have a gun, GET IN THE VAN!
Will: Let's bring Hannibal a gift today!
Beverly: Yeah, I bet he’d love that!
Will: Yey!
Beverly: What should we bring him?
Will: *holds up a bucket and knife with an insane looking smile* Come in the bucket!
Mary had a lamb. Her fleece was black as coal. When I tried to touch it that night, next day I went to court.
POV: Wine Taster in hell.
I was sitting with the best wine ever made on the table in front of me. This silhouette begins to speak, "You have risen to be the most superb Wine Taster on Earth. Then you got run over by a truck hauling freshly made wine to a warehouse. Your crimes are as follows: you left your high school prom date with another man after you got her pregnant, you let your mother believe that the cat ran away after you drowned it in the pool, and you never got married. How do you plead?"
The man looked at the silhouette like it was a purple rabbit.
"Guilty," said the man, "but if you would be so kind would you at least tell me what the wine in front of me tastes and smells like? I will take any punishment you deem fit."
"Very well," said the silhouette, "but you will regret that request."
Out of the shadows comes a boy only looking 19 years old. The boy says, "I will you taster today. I am confident about my sense of taste." The boy takes the first bottle and opens it, pours it into a wine glass, and swirls it around. He then takes a sniff and begins to drink, to the Wine Taster he says, "Mmmm, taste like chicken."
Why did the rapper go to school?
To improve his rap sheet!
My best friend was recently gunned down in a drive-by shooting and died a virgin, but he wasn’t buried one.
My father told me to always carry a women's bag, but I don't know why he called the cops on me when I helped Mom's bag when we went parachuting. :(
What do you call an ass that’s a DETECTIVE?
An undercover pooper.
If a lawyer gives birth to a stillborn baby, is it considered a miscarriage of justice?
What did one slave owner say to the other slave owner when he couldn’t find his slave?
Don’t worry, I’ll rope him in.