Crime jokes

Ricardo Medina, one of the former red Power Rangers, pleaded guilty to killing his roommate with a sword.

Why did the ducky get arrested?

He got caught selling quack.

What does a pirate say to the president?? Spread your legs so I can get my treasure back.

What was Osama bin Laden's favorite drink?

A double Manhattan.

I left a ticket to a WNBA game on the dashboard when I went to go get the groceries.

A burglar broke in and left another one on the dashboard.

I fared it. I ticked the orphan. He jiggled, he was burning, so I did it again.

Why were the terrorists upset on 9/11? bcz 1 of the 4 missed its target.

There was a school fire. I pushed the wheelchair kid into the fire and said, "Hot wheels!"

Your hairline is so messed up, it made Jeffrey Dahmer cry.

I dumped the dead, disabled person's body into a dumpster full of rats.

I lit my girlfriend on fire. I guess you could say I ignited her fire.

Q: What is the difference between Michael Jackson & Neil Armstrong? A: Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon, and Michael Jackson f@ck$ little kids in the a$$!

What do you call it when you're trying to find out what someone had for lunch?

An ingestigation.

How many hookers fit in a Cadillac?

About 4 in the trunk if you stack 'em right.

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire.

Now we call him hot wheels.

Why can't orphans get 5 stars in GTA?

Because they're not wanted.

A man assaulted me with milk, cheese, and butter.

How dairy!

What's the good thing about child perverts?

They drive slow in a school zone.

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire and said, "Hot Wheels!"

"Fortnite balls, I'm gay. I like boys. I kidnap autistic kids. Lil Mosey is white."