Crime jokes
What’s the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?
One was famous for walking on the moon, (pause), the other fucked young boys.
Little Timmy said, "I had a body, eieio, now you are next!" as he shoots you.
Why did the baseball player go to jail?
Because he stole first base.
"He scratched his face up, detective. That did it."
"Did I do that?"
One day there was a guy who robbed a bank. A customer at the bank while it happened got the police. Who was that? The police said......
It’s a wood hulem.
How many police officers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they just beat the room for it being black.
VOTING SEMIFINAL 2
LIKE: When the school shooter throws a smoke grenade into the classroom and the autistic kid thinks it’s a Disco party. 🕺🕺🕺
DISLIKE: When you’re playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say “This boy always had a fat ass”.
Vote for the better joke.
Why didn't Donald Trump pick up his phone when Jeffrey Epstein called him?
Because Donald killed Jeffrey Epstein in prison to hide the evidence.
It's impossible to rape a rapeist because rapeists want sex.
How to get rich:
Step 1: Tell an orphan he will get a family.
Step 2: Knock out the orphan.
Step 3: Cut open the orphan.
Step 4: Well there [are] organs.
Step 5: Do it again.
And nobody will call the cops 'cause they got no family.
Jake had sex and broke her hymen, guess he’s Jake the ripper.
What kind of rape victim has a shower ten times a day?
The type that gets raped a lot.
What do you call a sociopath who damages a box of Wheaties? A cereal criminal!
What was a pedophile's hardest thing? Fitting in!
What is harder than steel?
Michael Jackson in a playground.
Rapist: Rape doesn't hurt anybody.
Victim: (Implied response indicating the rapist is wrong)
A gay rapist saves a female rape victim, then rapes the rapist.
Roses are red, my name is Dan...
TDM, I have a gun, GET IN THE VAN!
Will: Let's bring Hannibal a gift today!
Beverly: Yeah, I bet he’d love that!
Will: Yey!
Beverly: What should we bring him?
Will: *holds up a bucket and knife with an insane looking smile* Come in the bucket!
Mary had a lamb. Her fleece was black as coal. When I tried to touch it that night, next day I went to court.