Crime jokes
Jeffrey Dahmer was craving 5 Guys before it was a restaurant.
Why does the Please Touch Museum sound like "police touch museum?"
Because they gotta watch out for the pedos.
A little boy decided to burn a house down. The father put his arm around his wife, tears in his eyes, saying, "That's arson."
As tragic as school shootings are, it's also a quick way to a late-term abortion.
What did the priest say during the christening?
"So anyway, I started blasting!"
That was a horrible pun. You should be sent to the PUN-itentiary!
Trump's releasing the files.
To catch all the pedophiles.
He didn't know Epstein.
Didn't touch any teens.
What's a rapist's fav position?
Missionary in a dark corner.
A limbless criminal has just been identified. Police say the suspect is armed and on the run.
What touches kids and is made out of plastic?
Michael Jackson, hee hee!
Did you hear about the new P. Diddy meal in McDonald's? It's a 56-year-old meat inside a 12-year-old bun.
Why can't Michael Jackson play baseball?
He made a hit and run!
Pedophiles don't win races because they like to come in a little behind.
What does a cannibal ask for when leaving a restaurant?
"Can I have a bodybag?"
What’s the difference between prison and concentration camps?
At least you don’t die when you shower.
An action hero stops a man running by throwing a tire at him.
What is his one liner? "I told you to stop running or you will get tired."
I take back my comments on the United healthcare CEO.
Being poisoned by a nurse wouldn't be that bad of a way to die as long as the nurse diluted the potassium chloride first.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a good body these days?
I think Jeffrey Dahmer had the right idea, just put it in the freezer.
I don't got a pencil or pen in this bookbag. Added like ten to the clip 'cause it look bad. Don't give a fuck if you pissed, nigga, get mad. Or you can bitch and get killed with your bitch ass. Lil' bro got blood on his shirt with his Crip ass. Go write a diss and get murked, don't do shit ass. Bitch, I'm a star, I might burst with my stiff ass. Hop out the car like, "Who want it? Who with that?" I don't know nothin', I was gone when they did that. Bandana wrapped where my chrome and my wig at. If he want beef, hit his home with a Big Mac. Niggas be breakin' the code like a Kit-Kat. Runnin' your mouth like a ho get you bitch-slapped.
"The rise of atheism is going to lead to a break down of social morals and lead to all kinds of filth, including an increase in child abuse," said the village priest.
The village scientists did some fact checking. In prison, they found roughly 70% of child abusers were hyper religious before committing the crimes, and another 20% converted to religions to look 'remorseful'. The remaining 10% preferred not to say. They presented the findings to the media.
"Scientists slander good religious folk and ignore the weight of evidence!"
"Is Science biased against religion? You decide in this survey," they reported.
The village priest is living at his majesty's convenience and tells the others he committed armed robbery.
"Why is this a joke? It's not even funny!" said the person reading this, breaking the forth wall.
What is funny is you got to the end of this post and didn't cringe. Why not?