Crime jokes
Roses are red, Epstein's face turned blue.
Trump's on that list, And there's nothing he can do.
A guy gets home from work to see his girlfriend packing, and he asks her why she is packing. The girl says, "Because I found out you're a pedophile." The guy goes, "A pedophile?" And she says, "Yes." The guy goes, "That's a big word for a 12-year-old."
Say what you want about Jeffrey Epstein, but at least he knew how to take out the trash.
What do you call it when you're trying to find out what someone had for lunch?
An ingestigation.
Why don't molestation victims speak up about their trauma? Because it's a touchy topic.
Memes
Pure law-abiding citizen.
I hate when people leave their cars running, especially in the summer.
I'm like, "You got Tracy Latimer in there or something?"
I just read that someone in New York gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy!
What’s the difference between a pig and Maddie McCann?
Least a pig had an apple in its mouth when it was spit roasted.
I woke up one day to find handcuffs on my bed. Turns out, the girl I drugged yesterday escaped.
What do you call an IT teacher who touches up his students?
A PDF file.
I killed a man in '94.
Why did the kidnapper cross the road?
To get the kids at the playground.
Why did the rapper go to school?
To improve his rap sheet!
What's the best thing about a prostitute dying on you during sex?
The second hour is free.
What's the difference between child abuse and abandonment?
The abused ones are forced to listen while being abused, while abandoned kids cry because they don't have parents anymore.
Why was six afraid of seven?
Because seven was a registered six offender.
Someone is adding dirt to my garden!
The plot thickens!
Why do cops never put orphans in jail?
Because they aren't wanted.
Why [doesn't] Hollywood make a good movie about holocausts?
Because it's so hard to skin Jewish characters.
Why can't an orphan be a criminal? Because they are not wanted.