Crime jokes
So, I was on the phone with a scam caller. He said he knew where I lived and would kill my children and wife. Jokes on him, I already did.
Stranger: Tries to kidnap a kid.
Kid: Runs home.
A few minutes later, the kid was in the back of the van...
If you know, you know.
Me: "I like kids."
I just got a job at the prison library.
It has its prose and cons.
Git is going to let Bill Cosby out of jail. Oh wait, he watched Little Bill.
Yo mama so fat, she got arrested for carrying 100 pounds of crack.
How do you make Prince Andrew sad? You tell him you're over 16.
what do you call a drunken sailer?
arrested.
What do you call a deaf and blind axe murderer?
Helen Killer.
What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair?
This car in RC-XD.
Kid: Dad, what happened to the kidnapper?
Dad: He had a nap.
Kid: Where is he now?
Dad: HELL!
Why is the white guy in prison scarier than a black guy in prison?
Because the white guy actually did it.
A priest and a pedophile walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey Jim!"
Q: What do pedophiles use for allergic reactions?
A: An Epstein pen.
If you're ever bored, rape an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
It is not funny about kidnapping.
I was digging in my backyard and I found gold, and I went to run and tell my mom, but I realized why I was digging in the backyard.
My brother likes his Vegemite so black, it stole our car.
What do you call a child predator and an illegal immigrant? Alien vs. Predator.
Murder is the same as suicide, except the other person is doing it for you.