Crime

Crime jokes

Add joke

I was digging a hole in the garden until I found some coins! I was about to tell my mum when I remembered I was digging a hole in the garden.

Ol' Mate Shane Warne has sadly passed away. He was probably Australia's Greatest Ever Cricketer. RIP Ol' Mate Warney, died doing what you loved, having gay sex with men and doing cocaine! 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

Like if you RIP Shane Warne 🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺

"I have cancer," the doctor said. "I have 3 days to live," but I was like "fuck it" and killed him. The jury said, "I have life in prison." I shouted, "Yes!" He said, "Thank you, you saved my life!"

If you wait for a woman to get 9 months pregnant and kill her, you will never be able to stop the loop.

A woman once falsely accused me of rape, and I was sentenced to life in prison.

PLEASE CONSIDER LAUGHING now 😂

"This morning, I came out my front door to see my neighbor frantically trying to scrub off the word "PEDO" that had been spray-painted on his front window."

"What's been going on, John?" I asked.

"Fucking kids," came his mumbled reply.

The dirty bastard!

Someone locked me out of my house today... At least the children in my basement aren't my problem anymore.

A man shot into a crowd at the train station and didn't hit one person. When the police asked why he missed, someone said, "'Cause he gay."

He couldn't shoot straight.

Q: How many dead babies does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: I don't know, there are twenty in my basement, and my basement light still isn't fixed.

There was an illegal alien woman who wanted to be called "undocumented." So, I had "undocumented" sex with her and threatened to have her deported if she reported me for rape. I'd call it even.

I heard guns kill people, so I gave up my right to own one.

Then I heard dicks rape people, so I chopped it off.

What is the difference between the subway guy and a priest?

The subway guy didn’t get away with it...

I am the ice cream man running over fat kids with my van. If you touch my van, I’ll smack you in the face with a frying pan. If you steal ice cream, I’ll shoot you in the face with a fudge machine.

Have you heard about the guy whose friends teased him because he pays for sex? He doesn't pay anymore.

  • 6

    • I awoke after being raped and was shocked to find my fingers were broken. It was hard to grasp.

    Everybody loves guns!

    Every time I show them mine, they give me free stuff.