Crime jokes

He asked for a shot of beer?

He got shot and killed.

What do a pedophile and a clock have in common? Neither of them go past 12.

What does the pedophile use for bait? Trix!

What is pedophiles' favorite prey: Vegetables?

Paedophiles are f***ing immature assholes.

Why did the baseball player get arrested? He tried to steal third.

Davin is a pedo.

A man tried to attack me with milk and cheese—how dairy!

What's worse than getting raped in a cemetery? Finding someone else's semen in your mom's corpse.

Why did the guitarist go to prison?

'Cause he fingered A minor.

At night I became a mattress murderer.

So, I was fucking my daughter the other day and my wife walked in... I don't know what was funnier: the look on her face, or that the abortion clinic let me keep her.

I was at the bar with a friend, and he said to me, "Veronica, I just stopped a rape." The bartender overheard him and had a puzzled look on his face, because he never moved. He then said, "I saw this girl walk into the bathroom, and I decided not to go."

Your website.

I was trying to poison Santa, but he killed my dad and ate all the cookies! 😤

What sound does a baby make when you put it in a blender? I don’t know. I was too busy wanking.

How many times does 43 go into 8?

Get in the van and find out.

A tiny psychic escaped from jail, and the news said there a small medium at large.

What do you call an otter video game that is about robbing?-

Grand Theft Otter!

How do you make a baby cry?

You run over it with a lawn mower.