Crime jokes
Why did the guitarist go to prison?
'Cause he fingered A minor.
At night I became a mattress murderer.
So, I was fucking my daughter the other day and my wife walked in... I don't know what was funnier: the look on her face, or that the abortion clinic let me keep her.
I was at the bar with a friend, and he said to me, "Veronica, I just stopped a rape." The bartender overheard him and had a puzzled look on his face, because he never moved. He then said, "I saw this girl walk into the bathroom, and I decided not to go."
Your website.
I was trying to poison Santa, but he killed my dad and ate all the cookies! 😤
What sound does a baby make when you put it in a blender? I don’t know. I was too busy wanking.
How many times does 43 go into 8?
Get in the van and find out.
A tiny psychic escaped from jail, and the news said there a small medium at large.
What do you call an otter video game that is about robbing?-
Grand Theft Otter!
How do you make a baby cry?
You run over it with a lawn mower.
I saw a midget prisoner climbing down a ladder the other day and I thought, huh, that's a little con-descending.
Why was 6 scared of 7? Because 7 was a registered *sex* offender.
How many dead strippers does it take to change a light?
At least 13 because my basement is still dark.
What's the difference between a zit and a Catholic priest?
A zit will wait 'til 12 before it cums on your face.
I walked into a store, and I pointed a stick to the roof and said, "This is a stick up!"
Two pedophiles are on a beach.
One says to the other, "Move over, you're in my sun!"
There is one good part about paedophiles... they go slow in school zones.
What's the best part of having sex with a baby?
Deep throat and anal at the same time.
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.