Crime jokes
Why did the baseball player get arrested? He tried to steal third.
Davin is a pedo.
A man tried to attack me with milk and cheese—how dairy!
What's worse than getting raped in a cemetery? Finding someone else's semen in your mom's corpse.
Why did the guitarist go to prison?
'Cause he fingered A minor.
At night I became a mattress murderer.
So, I was fucking my daughter the other day and my wife walked in... I don't know what was funnier: the look on her face, or that the abortion clinic let me keep her.
I was at the bar with a friend, and he said to me, "Veronica, I just stopped a rape." The bartender overheard him and had a puzzled look on his face, because he never moved. He then said, "I saw this girl walk into the bathroom, and I decided not to go."
Your website.
I was trying to poison Santa, but he killed my dad and ate all the cookies! 😤
What sound does a baby make when you put it in a blender? I don’t know. I was too busy wanking.
How many times does 43 go into 8?
Get in the van and find out.
A tiny psychic escaped from jail, and the news said there a small medium at large.
What do you call an otter video game that is about robbing?-
Grand Theft Otter!
How do you make a baby cry?
You run over it with a lawn mower.
I saw a midget prisoner climbing down a ladder the other day and I thought, huh, that's a little con-descending.
Why was 6 scared of 7? Because 7 was a registered *sex* offender.
How many dead strippers does it take to change a light?
At least 13 because my basement is still dark.
What's the difference between a zit and a Catholic priest?
A zit will wait 'til 12 before it cums on your face.
I walked into a store, and I pointed a stick to the roof and said, "This is a stick up!"