Crime jokes

A shoplifter tried to rob a grocery store.

He was asked to give an "eggsplanation."

Child predators: "You're so six-y."

Did you hear about the guy that was cutting off people's feet and taking them?

It took my sole.

Pedophiles smell good.

One day, a snail got robbed by two turtles. Once the cops arrived and asked what had happened, the snail said, "I don't know, it all happened too fast!"

There were two peanuts walking down an alley. One was assaulted.

Him: *slowly drives past elementary school while looking at kids*

Her: Why are you staring at those kids? *jokingly* Are you like a pedophile or something?

Him: ... At least you know why I love calling you "baby" now~

What's black and white and red all over?

A massacre at a funeral.

I've been looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer for the past two years.

But no one would do it.

A pedophile lures a group of Houston Girl Scouts with "Hey girls, would you like some candy?" They all agree and follow him to his neighborhood. There he offers them some more candy and they follow him to his house. Once again he offers them candy to go in to his house. In the lounge he offers them candy to go to his room. As he leads them up the stairs one of them pipes up and says "God, I hope we get laid before we get diabetes."

Pedophiles are fucking immature assholes.

What’s a peedophile’s favorite shoes? White vans.

What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy?

Gang rape.

My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday. I asked her why. She said, "Because you're a pedophile." I replied, "Pedophile! That's a big word for an eight year old."

How do you turn a baby into a dog?

Douse it in gasoline, light a match, *WOOF*!

So, some thieves robbed me the other day. They took everything I owned, except for the soap, towels, and deodorant.

Dirty bastards.

What do you call a sociopath who damages a box of Wheaties? A cereal criminal!

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

I have a gun,

GET IN THE VAN!!

What's a pedophile's favorite holiday?

Halloween. Free delivery!

What's the best thing about 20-1 year olds... there's 20.