Cost jokes
Why is chemotherapy like a five-star meal?
Because you have to have money to pay for it.
We’re so poor, we can’t even afford free stuff.
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"Father replied, "I don't know, son. I'm still paying."
I know how to cut down on Medicare expenses.
Lock Alzheimer's patients in dog cages when they misbehave.
If you are a student at law school, a law professor can charge you up to $98,998.00 for one semester.
If the law professor is very late and is not punctual to teach you anything about law in his class, should a law student be able to charge the law professor a certain amount of money for not being able to teach his class because he is off task and not being punctual? Is your time precious too?
If the law professor is Polish, now you know the reason why you should never go to a law school that has a "dumb polack" for a law professor.
Sorry for your luck; it sucks to be you!
What do women and pools have in common?
They both cost a lot of money to maintain for the amount of time you’re inside of them.
Why is it so cheap to throw a party at a haunted house? Because the ghosts bring all the boos.
What concert only costs 45 cents?
50 Cent featuring Nickelback.
Why the hell would I go to a shooting range when I could go to school and do it for free?
Gas is expensive nowadays.
In the 1940s, they got it for free.
Son asks dad, "How much does marriage cost?"
Dad: "I don’t know, son. I’m still paying for it."
A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work, not aware that her 9-year-old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet. The boy now has company.
Boy: "Dark in here." Man: "Yes, it is." Boy: "I have a baseball." Man: "That's nice." Boy: "Want to buy it?" Man: "No, thanks." Boy: "That's my dad outside." Man: "How much did you say the baseball was again?" Boy: "$250."
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover are in the closet together.
Boy: "Dark in here." Man: "Yes, it is." Boy: "I have a baseball glove." Man: "That's nice." Boy: "Want to buy it?" Man: "No, thanks." Boy: "I think I just remembered something I needed to tell my dad." Man: "How much did you say the glove was again?" Boy: "$750." Man: "Fine."
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball!" The boy says, "I can't. I sold them." The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?" The son says, "$1,000." The father says, "It's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."
They go to church and the father alerts the priest and makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here." The priest says, "Do not start that shit again!"
What is worse than seeing your sibling drown?
Getting the water bill.
What’s the only plus for someone who burns to death?
They get a discount at the crematorium.
Why do emo kids cost so much?
Because they’re the only people you can scan at the checkout machine.
How are women like swimming pools?
They cost a great deal of money to maintain considering the time you spend inside.
Said the man angered to his wife:
"Now stop the damn suicide tries! Just look at the gas bill!?"
Nothing is free in this world, including "Free Palestine."
Everyone: You gotta pay the cost to be the boss.
Germans: You gotta be the caust to be the boss.