Conversation jokes
(BILL is sitting in the waiting room, fidgeting with his tie. MR. SMITH enters with a clipboard.)
MR. SMITH: (sternly) Good morning, Bill. Ready for your interview?
BILL: (nervously) Uh, yes, sir! I’ve prepared a lot for this!
MR. SMITH: (raising an eyebrow) Great! Let’s start with an easy question. Why do you want this job?
BILL: (confidently) Well, I want to help your company succeed! I believe in hard work and dedication!
MR. SMITH: (nods) Good to hear. Now, what’s your biggest weakness?
BILL: (eyes widening) I tend to be overly honest.
MR. SMITH: (leaning in) That’s not really a weakness.
BILL: (smirking) I don’t care what you think!
(MR. SMITH pauses, surprised, then bursts out laughing.)
MR. SMITH: (laughing) Okay, you’re hired! We need more honesty around here!
What did the North tower say to the south tower? "Sorry, can't talk, got to catch a plane."
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn't say banana again?
A polar bear walks into a bar, asks the barman, “A pint of lager................. and a packet of crisps.”
The barman asks, “Why the large pause?”
Me: Mom, stop, you are not funny. You never make jokes.
Mom: I made you.
My friend said that gay people existed 10 years ago.
He can tell the future.
*Titanic was sinking.*
Passenger: Hey, captain, how far away are we?
Captain: Two miles.
Passenger: Which way are we going?
Captain: Down.
My friend: What are you doing?
Me: I'm making holy water.
My friend: How?
Me: I'm boiling the hell out of it.
billie: hi.
me: You wanna hear a story?
billie: Yes, sure.
me: Once upon a time, I ran over your dog last night.
Me: You know what's the favorite slogan that Hindus like the most?
My friend: What?
Me: “kati supari kata paan katiyo ko bhejo pakistan.”
Me: Hey, what book are you reading?
Him: "The Twisted Ones."
Me: Uh, I guess that book is pretty twisted.
Girl: "...I like you... do you like me back?"
Me: "Nope."
Girl: *is depressed* "Oh okay...."
Me: "You never said \"love\"".
Girl: "Oh! well do you love me?"
Me: "Frick no."
The first windmill said to the second, "What's your favorite type of music?"
The second windmill said, "I'm a big metal fan!"
Three men met on a nude beach. Two of the three men were happy, but the third was sad.
The three men broke into a conversation. The topic eventually reached the men's jobs, and why they were at the beach.
"I'm a construction worker," said the first man. "All year long I toil in the sun in very heavy clothes, so this seemed like the perfect vacation for me. If I can relax and do it naked, that's a win-win."
"I'm an accountant," said the second man. "I just like how everyone here is dressed exactly the same."
The first two men turned to the third, sad man. "What do you do?" they asked.
"I'm a pickpocket," said the third man. "My doctor sent me here."
Coffee has been the grounds of many a heated and strong discussion.
What did one butt cheek say to the other? “Between you and me, it stinks in here!”
Me: I saw an emo kid that got a haircut today. But instead of saying “Like ya cut g” and slapping the neck, I slapped the wrist and said “Like ya cut’s g.”
Emo kid: He said like your bullet holes, G.
Me: I have no bullet holes.
Emo kid: Not yet, you don't.
Me: Ayo what the fuc*.
What did the hat say to the tie?
"I'll go on ahead, while you just hang around!"
Tell someone that you're gonna say “I 1 poopoo” and it will go in order of numbers, so they say, “I 2 poopoo” & so on:
You) I 1 poopoo
(Them) I 2 poopoo
(You) I 3 poopoo
(Them) I 4 poopoo
(You) I 5 poopoo
(Them) I 6 poopoo
(You) I 7 poopoo
(Them) I 8 poopoo
And be like, “You ate poopoo??! EWW!!”
Q: What did the DNA say to the other DNA?
A: Do these genes make my butt look fat? 💩