Conversation jokes
I asked a man for ten dollars for a cup of coffee. The man said coffee was only a quarter. I told him I was putting all my begs in one ask-it.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Water.
Water who?
Water you waiting for, just let me in!
Freshman: Hey, what's better, Ford or Chevy?
Senior: I don't f**kin' care as long as it drives.
Freshman: So, I'm guessing it's Chevy?
Bro, I gotta tell you a joke.
Nevermind, it's too cheesy!
A Chinese, Japanese, South Korean, and North Korean all walk into a bar.
The Landlord says, "Why the same faces, lads?"
Memes
Let's hope the new tower doesn't go plane watching like the old ones.
North Tower: "Hey, South Tower, we can talk later; I gotta catch a plane!"
When your friends [are] talking about sports:
Jake says, "It was 17.56M people watching [the] basketball championship."🦁
Sam says, "It was 113M people watching the Super Bowl." 😯🐱
Avion says, "It was up from 1.12 billion people watching [the] World Cup." 😶🙀
"Hey, man, do you have any Ben and Jerry's?"
"Yeah, I have two of them, fresh and preserved in the freezer."
"I meant the ice cream, bro..."
Guy: Hi, how was your day today?
Woman: Good!
Guy: *Well I can’t ask her out cause she’s pregnant*
Guy: How many months pregnant are you?
Woman: What to you mean?!?! Also, I’m not pregnant.
Billy: Dad, I was shot by a sniper!
Dad: Uh...
*hides his rifle*
Do you know Candice?
"Candice balls" fit in yo mouth.
Friend: How's it going?
Me: Good, things are good!
Parent: How are you?
Me: Oh, I'm fine!
Twitter: Compose new tweet?
Me: Hellooooo, I would like to tell you about my anxiety & my current greatest fears & let's talk about the impending apocalypse while we're at it.
Me: Knock, knock.
Other person: Who’s there?
Me: Atch.
Other person: Atch who?
Me: Bless you!
So, my mom was talking to me and told me to go to the store. When I get there, there’s a sign, but then someone tells me that’s just someone with a ginormous forehead.
First date be like:
Me: "I work with animals every day."
Her: "Oh, how sweet! What is it exactly that you do with them?"
Me: "I'm a butcher."
How do you talk to a giant?
Use big words.
People always talk about starting families, what happened to finishing the job?
When Knife tells Annoying Orange, "I'm trying something new," Annoying Orange said, "Oh no, are you having a midknife crisis?" and then Annoying Orange laughs.
A bear walked into the bar and said, "Can I have a cola and a...whisky?" The bartender says, "What's with the big paws?"
Three women walk into a bar and start talking about how loose they are. One fits a sausage, another fits a cucumber, the third one slides down the barstool.