Conversation jokes

Gwen: Addison, I don't mean to be mean but you're really starting to be an asshole!

Addison: I don't know what you mean. I've always been an asshole. That is why people pound me in the asshole!

Kariah: That's sad!

You wanna talk Kenya ;)

Wade, you're a joke. The worst joke.

Hoped this would be a safer, more fun place to talk to my BP friends, but I guess not.

I've also learned that some people think "worst jokes ever" = "terrible unfunny jokes that make light of people who died horribly or otherwise suffered" instead of things like "why did the chicken cross the road?"-type jokes.

Maybe I'm just too old at this point.

What did the green grape say to the purple grape?

Three men met on a nude beach. Two of the three men were happy, but the third was sad.

The three men broke into a conversation. The topic eventually reached the men's jobs, and why they were at the beach.

"I'm a construction worker," said the first man. "All year long I toil in the sun in very heavy clothes, so this seemed like the perfect vacation for me. If I can relax and do it naked, that's a win-win."

"I'm an accountant," said the second man. "I just like how everyone here is dressed exactly the same."

The first two men turned to the third, sad man. "What do you do?" they asked.

"I'm a pickpocket," said the third man. "My doctor sent me here."

What did the cow say to the prostitute?

Moo.

So I was doing a puzzle, and I was getting triggered with it. My friend said, "It's puzzling why you're so triggered."

Two people walk down the road. One says to the other, "Mitch, we passed Weight Watchers 2 minutes ago." He responds, "Jake, the noodle shop is just here. You've been carrying that sh*t on your head for 14 years!"

A mushroom walks into a bar and tries to hit on a blonde. When she turns him down, he goes to her and says, "C'mon, I'm a fun guy!"

I'm really bored. Can someone talk with me? None of my friends are responding to me :(

Talking to a liberal is like trying to explain social media to a 70-year-old.

A Jew and a Jew walk into a bar. The goy says, "What do you want?" The first Jew says, "Give it alcohol." The second Jew says, "My son ran away and became Christian." Another Jew pipes in, he says, "My son too!" The bartender turns around and says, "You're not going to believe this..."

Hi, how are you doing today?

Hey updog!

What's updog?

(Laughter)

At night in the Nunnery, one Nun says to the other Nun, "Where's the candle?" The other Nun says, "Doesn't it!"

Yo mama so fat that when he was talking to a man, her bowels fell out.

Mr. Nobody: Water you thinkin's happenin', Ol' Mr. Atlantic?

Mr. Atlantic: Something Smells Fishy...

Mr. Nobody: Well, duh, you idiot! You're an Ocean!

Mr. Atlantic: WTH!?!?????

My friend: Yo stupid.

Me: Is that right, and what exactly have you done in your lifetime that makes you Einstein?

My friend: *rolls eyes and says whatever.*

Me: Keep on rolling them, you might find your brain in there.

Toilet: hi You: hi what?

You: I have a nice hairline.

Your friend: Since when do you have one?

You: I forgot.