Conversation jokes

A man walks into his bedroom where his wife is carrying a sheep under her arm and says, "This is the pig I've been fucking."

Wife says, "That's not a pig; that's a sheep, dumbass."

Husband says, "I was talking to the sheep."

What did the woman say to Michael Jackson at the beach?

"Excuse me, sir, you're in my son."

So, two people are on a date and the guy says, "Wow, you are so beautiful!"

Then the girl says, "You just want to have sex!"

Then the guy adds, "SMART TO!"

If someone says nobody asked, you could say, "Well, nobody asked for you to talk!"

How do paedophiles greet people?

"How are you, kid?"

What did the South Tower say to the North Tower?

Memories: I have ligma.

Ligma what?

Ligma balls.

Why can't you say hi to a drug addict?

They'll say "yea."

A couple enters a Chinese restaurant and takes their seats.

The waiter asks, "想吃什么 (Xiang Chi Shen Ma)?"

The wife responds, "吃鸡巴 (Chi Ji Ba)!"

What did one chair say to the other?

"I'm so bummed out!"

Is it still called beef if two vegetarians are arguing?

*at school*

Nobody: Do you want nuts?

Me: Wait, you have some?

Nobody: Yeah, they're my own.

Me: :0

Q: If a cat says to a dog, "All dogs are liars," and the dog says to the cat, "All cats are liars," what does it mean?

A: It means cats and dogs can talk.

One day, a lady and her husband were talking and it was time for dinner. He got up and sat at the dining room table, and the lady brought the plate of food in and she sat it down in front of him. "What's this?" he said. The lady said, "A piece of shit...honey! Want some water to drink?"

My friend said to me that I am gay. My response? I’m as straight as that pole that your mum danced on last night.

A white dude walks up to a Muslim and says, "So you're an Indian?" and the Muslim says, "No brotha, I'm not 7-Eleven, I'm 9/11."

What did the hot dog say to the condom? "Hot dog condom style."

Two terrorists walk into a bar, and the bartender says, "What can I get you?"

The terrorists both say, "A beer."

The bartender overhears them talking about how they will kill 300 people and a donkey. The bartender says, "Why a donkey?"

One terrorist says, "See, I told you no one would care about the people!"

Wife: Stop telling rape jokes, it's not funny. Husband: Who raped you this morning?

A boxer talks with his fists.

Stephen Hawking talks with his wheelchair.