Memories: I have ligma.
Ligma what?
Ligma balls.
Conversation Jokes
Why can't you say hi to a drug addict?
They'll say "yea."
A couple enters a Chinese restaurant and takes their seats.
The waiter asks, "想吃什么 (Xiang Chi Shen Ma)?"
The wife responds, "吃鸡巴 (Chi Ji Ba)!"
What did one chair say to the other?
"I'm so bummed out!"
Is it still called beef if two vegetarians are arguing?
*at school*
Nobody: Do you want nuts?
Me: Wait, you have some?
Nobody: Yeah, they're my own.
Me: :0
Q: If a cat says to a dog, "All dogs are liars," and the dog says to the cat, "All cats are liars," what does it mean?
A: It means cats and dogs can talk.
One day, a lady and her husband were talking and it was time for dinner. He got up and sat at the dining room table, and the lady brought the plate of food in and she sat it down in front of him. "What's this?" he said. The lady said, "A piece of shit...honey! Want some water to drink?"
My friend said to me that I am gay. My response? I’m as straight as that pole that your mum danced on last night.
A white dude walks up to a Muslim and says, "So you're an Indian?" and the Muslim says, "No brotha, I'm not 7-Eleven, I'm 9/11."
What did the hot dog say to the condom? "Hot dog condom style."
Two terrorists walk into a bar, and the bartender says, "What can I get you?"
The terrorists both say, "A beer."
The bartender overhears them talking about how they will kill 300 people and a donkey. The bartender says, "Why a donkey?"
One terrorist says, "See, I told you no one would care about the people!"
Wife: Stop telling rape jokes, it's not funny. Husband: Who raped you this morning?
A boxer talks with his fists.
Stephen Hawking talks with his wheelchair.
This homeless lady called me ugly, so I told her, "Okay, then I'm going home."
Random guy: Hi, how old are you?
Me: 15
The guy: You're so young, age is just a number.
Me: Do you know what else is a number?
The guy: What?
Me: 911
I walked up to a group of moms having a conversation while waiting to pick up their kids from day care. They were using cutesy words like "ankle biters", "rug rats," and other terms I've heard parents use before when describing their toddlers.
I thought I'd chime in; as it turns out, "carpet muncher" doesn't mean what I thought it does.
Me: Can I get your mom's number?
Friend: Here you go:
Me: Ohh, strange, I already had it.
A man saw a kid on the road, and the man asked: "Where are your parents?" The boy: "..." The man left the adoption center.
Hi how are you?
