Drinking problem jokes

Two men are sitting at a coffee table.

Mike: "I think I might have a drinking problem."

Joe: "Why do you say that?"

Mike: "Well, last week I got so drunk I blew chunks."

Joe: "That's nothing to be ashamed of; we all drink a little too much sometimes."

Mike: "No, you don't understand. Chunks is my dog's name."

Math Teacher: "If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have?"

Student: "A drinking problem."

What would Stephen Hawking do to get drunk?

Overcharge himself.

I had to stop drinking because I got tired of waking up in my car, driving 90.

Remember: Alcohol doesn't solve your problems, but neither does milk or water.

This is why they don't want to sell the Double Manhattan in pubs anymore.

You're an alcoholic!

I told myself I needed to stop drinking so much. But I'm not about to start listening to some drunk weirdo who talks to themself.

A man and his friend walk into a bar on a 30-story building and order a drink of beer. Then one of the men jumps out the window and he can fly, so he says to his mate, "Gary, take a sip of this drink, it makes you fly!" So Gary takes a sip of the drink, jumps out the window, and dies. And the bartender says, "Gee, Superman, you're a douche when you drink!"