Drinking problem jokes

Two men are sitting at a coffee table.

Mike: "I think I might have a drinking problem."

Joe: "Why do you say that?"

Mike: "Well, last week I got so drunk I blew chunks."

Joe: "That's nothing to be ashamed of; we all drink a little too much sometimes."

Mike: "No, you don't understand. Chunks is my dog's name."

Math Teacher: "If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have?"

Student: "A drinking problem."

A man and his friend walk into a bar on a 30-story building and order a drink of beer. Then one of the men jumps out the window and he can fly, so he says to his mate, "Gary, take a sip of this drink, it makes you fly!" So Gary takes a sip of the drink, jumps out the window, and dies. And the bartender says, "Gee, Superman, you're a douche when you drink!"

I had to stop drinking because I got tired of waking up in my car, driving 90.

Remember: Alcohol doesn't solve your problems, but neither does milk or water.

This is why they don't want to sell the Double Manhattan in pubs anymore.

You're an alcoholic!

I told myself I needed to stop drinking so much. But I'm not about to start listening to some drunk weirdo who talks to themself.

What would Stephen Hawking do to get drunk?

Overcharge himself.