Competition jokes

What games would deaf people not be good at?

Simon says and Musical chairs.

Russia and Ukraine are running a marathon. Who do you think won? Russia did. Russia gave Ukraine a migraine.

Why can't orphans go on game shows?

You need a family member.

Today I feel diving. Today I feel penalty. Today I feel tap in. Today I feel ghosting. Today I feel finished. Today I feel a bench warmer... I know what it feels to be discriminated... I was bullied because I am Pristiano Penaldo.

"Most Deadly Sport"

Playing chicken with a train!

Roses are red,

Violets are blue, there's always someone who's better than you.

Holy shit there's so many yo mama jokes. Here's mine: Yo mama so skinny she used a cheerio as a hula hoop.

Yo mama so fat that she made a plane unstable and crashed it into the Twin Towers.

Yo mama so old that she has Jesus's autograph.

Yo mama so ugly that not even makeup can save her.

Yo mama so dumb that she thought Rocket League was a competition between kids in wheelchairs.

So, there's Fred and Frank. Now, they've been friends for years, but Fred, see, he's depressed. Badly.

Either way, so F+F are texting each other, and here's how it goes: (this is my first joke, so please don't judge too harshly)

Frank: Yo

Fred: Hi...

Frank: U heard about de competition?

Fred: Yeah...

Frank: You wanna hang out?

Fred: .......

Frank: What? I've got some noose (news) for you.

Fred: ...I(

Frank: Fine.... I guess we need to think of a plan, though. We don't wanna be hanging on the end.

Fred: *sigh* You know....you really can't rope me into this competition.

Bend over and spell run.

What do tomatoes 🍅 learn to do in a race?

Ketchup!

What did the two paintings say after a long battle?

Let's call this one a draw.

The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.

The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:

"Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

Why did the tiger lose at poker?

Answer: Because he was playing with a cheetah.

And God said to John, "Come forth, and you shall be granted eternal life."

But John came fifth and won a toaster.

When a cookie 🍪 wins a race, what will the crowd say?

“Chip Chip Hooray!”

What game do emo kids love the most?

Hangman.

What’s the difference between your sister and a bowling ball?

I can only get 3 fingers in a bowling ball!

What is better than winning the gold medal at the Special Olympics? Having arms and legs.

North Korea and the Martians were fighting about who was going to reach Venus first.

Trump steps in and says, "That doesn't matter, America is going to land on the sun first."

The Martians and North Korea said, "You can't land on the sun, it's too hot and you will die."

Trump said his brilliant plan, "America is going to land there at night."

How many line cooks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Three. One to do it, and two to say that they did it better at the previous restaurant they were at.