Competition jokes
Why is the record for longest jump kept by an emo?
They're still hanging.
Being the first to move in chess.
It’s a white privilege.
A paradigm are so bad, go away from fast and fast and faster than a rabbit. Once upon a time there was a rabbit who teased a tortoise. The tortoise challenged the rabbit to a race. The race began and the rabbit ran fast as the tortoise walked slow. The rabbit thought the tortoise could not come here so slow, so he decided to take a nap. As he took a nap, the tortoise walked past through him and soon the rabbit woke. He ran as fast as he could, but when he came to the end, the rabbit saw the tortoise and then the rabbit never teased the tortoise again.
Why do Americans always win gold at the shooting Olympics?
Because they practice at the best schools.
Waitress: You wanna box for your leftovers?
Me: No, but I'll arm wrestle you for the check.
Mom: You will make me kill myself.
Me who has cut first: I'll kill myself ✨first✨!
We are gonna crush you in the try not to laugh.
Holy shit there's so many yo mama jokes. Here's mine: Yo mama so skinny she used a cheerio as a hula hoop.
Yo mama so fat that she made a plane unstable and crashed it into the Twin Towers.
Yo mama so old that she has Jesus's autograph.
Yo mama so ugly that not even makeup can save her.
Yo mama so dumb that she thought Rocket League was a competition between kids in wheelchairs.
Yo momma is so ugly, when she tried to join the ugly contest, they said, "Sorry, no professionals!"
So the coach got mad at me because I'm the only one on my team who is only a bit on the spectrum, and I was just keeping the ball to myself. The coach pulled me aside and said, "Pass to others." I said, "Why?" And he said, "There's no 'I' in 'team.'" I said, "Yeah, but there's an 'm' and an 'e.'"
Q: Why did Sally get beat up?
A: She couldn’t fight back.
Two flies were playing football in a saucer. One tells the other, “You’ll need more practice if you want to play in the cup!”
So, there's Fred and Frank. Now, they've been friends for years, but Fred, see, he's depressed. Badly.
Either way, so F+F are texting each other, and here's how it goes: (this is my first joke, so please don't judge too harshly)
Frank: Yo
Fred: Hi...
Frank: U heard about de competition?
Fred: Yeah...
Frank: You wanna hang out?
Fred: .......
Frank: What? I've got some noose (news) for you.
Fred: ...I(
Frank: Fine.... I guess we need to think of a plan, though. We don't wanna be hanging on the end.
Fred: *sigh* You know....you really can't rope me into this competition.
I went home one day and see a few married guys in line in my sister's room. I ask what's going on, my sister is running a contest. The contest is the married guys lick her pussy and guess what she had for breakfast. The winner gets a free blowjob. As a brother, I couldn't be more prouder that she thought that she made up that contest.
A man puts in ten jokes into a joke contest. He hopes that at least one will win. Sadly, no pun intended.
When you went to an ugly competition, the judges said, "No professionals allowed."
Have you heard about the tanning Olympics?
Everyone wanted bronze! (This is a lil cringe.)
Roses are red, I hate snitches, You talk a lot of game for a guy with 3 inches.
Why is Jeffrey Epstein so bad at races?
Because he comes in a little behind.
Who were the fastest runners ever? Adam and Eve. They were first in the human race.