Competition jokes
A hot dog and a banana had a race. Who won?
The wiener.
How did the USA beat Japan in rapping?
By dropping two of the biggest roasts.
Michael Jackson and Tonya Harding got together back in the day for a horse racing venture. Tonya says, "I'll handle the handicapping, you go ride the 3-year-olds."
Why did the cheetah get disqualified?
Because he was a cheetah, duh!
I was playing chess with my friend and he said, "Let’s make this interesting."
So we stopped playing chess.
Rock, paper, lesbians.
And the Lord said onto John, "Come forth to receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.
What games would deaf people not be good at?
Simon says and Musical chairs.
Holy shit there's so many yo mama jokes. Here's mine: Yo mama so skinny she used a cheerio as a hula hoop.
Yo mama so fat that she made a plane unstable and crashed it into the Twin Towers.
Yo mama so old that she has Jesus's autograph.
Yo mama so ugly that not even makeup can save her.
Yo mama so dumb that she thought Rocket League was a competition between kids in wheelchairs.
Why is America so bad at chess?
Because they already lost two towers.
Me and my little brother were playing Call Of Duty. He wasn't doing very good, so I told him so. My brother said to me, "At least I don't have to camp in order to get kills." I then responded with, "I would call you cancer, but at least cancer kills."
Why is the USA so bad at chess?
Because they already lost two towers.
A guy and girl had a sex poem competition.
Guy: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I can put mine in yours, but you can't put yours in mine."
Girl: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I know the length of yours, but you won't know the depth of mine."
Yo mama so ugly, when she tried to enter an ugly contest, they said they didn't allow professionals.
When a cookie 🍪 wins a race, what will the crowd say?
“Chip Chip Hooray!”
Official Dj Penaldo playlist.
1. "I'm a fraud" 2. "I need you (ft. Tap-ins)" 3. "I Want to Leave Mid United" 4. "Back where I belong (ft. Europa league)" 5. "TY Eder" 6. "Nobody wants me (Rejectnaldo Remix)" 7. "Fuck that kid (ft. Lil Broke phone)" 8. "Sewy (Benched +arms crossed version)"
Q: Why aren't there any Walmarts in Afghanistan?
A: Because there's a Target on every corner.
So the coach got mad at me because I'm the only one on my team who is only a bit on the spectrum, and I was just keeping the ball to myself. The coach pulled me aside and said, "Pass to others." I said, "Why?" And he said, "There's no 'I' in 'team.'" I said, "Yeah, but there's an 'm' and an 'e.'"
He turns, he shoots!
And that is a horrible end to the Grand National...
So, I heard Bounty, the maker of paper towels, has decided to get into the Male Enhancement business...
...their new slogan?
The Quicker Pecker Upper.