Comparison jokes

Fuck people who are bigger than me physically, emotionally, mentally, economically, and socially.

Your mum is stupid, just like you.

If boys are like sports because they are easy to play, then girls are like a sandwich. They are nice at first, but they're crusty after.

Your hairline is so bad people thought you were Vegeta!

Your skin's so bright you could be used as a highlighter.

Me and rose bushes have something in common: mangled, can hurt, red, and people only like one part.

Imagine me being 12 feet taller than your dad.

Y yo body built like a half a tooth pic lol.

I am like Cookie Monster on steroids when it comes to cookies.

Are you dead? Because you look like my dog.

"This dude right here don't look nothing like no damn Tyrese Gibson. He look like a hot, fishy tail termite all dressed in green makeup."

You're so short that you build a tiny house for yourself.

Tada mun ang hai jiwain taage naal khota bania Honda ae.

What's one thing you can say about your house, but not your girlfriend?

"I wish it were this color, why is it leaking there, I need help trimming the grass I mean bushes, I own it."

Q. What do Canadian women and Canadian beer have in common? A. They're both stronger than they look.

I'm sure you could be the smartest person in your class.

If it were a class for the profoundly retarded.

Water bottles, strong, Standing tall, like sturdy men, Quenching every thirst.

Clear and transparent, Reflecting strength and resolve, Resilient and pure.

In hand, they offer Refreshing relief, like hugs, Soothing every soul.

Water bottles, like men, Nourish and hydrate our lives, Simple yet vital.

What’s the difference between Jesus and the toddler in my basement?

Jesus died a virgin.

Life is like a box of chocolates, they f*cking melt :)

What is the difference between a tree and walking home from a wheelchair?