Comparison jokes
What's the difference between a cat and a human? About 500 bullets.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a sandwich? I don't put my dick in a sandwich before I eat it.
What is the difference between cum and milk? Nothing. They are both white and tasty.
What does an apple have in common with an emo kid?
Answer: They both hang.
The broccoli says, "I look like a small tree." The mushroom says, "I look like an umbrella." The walnut says, "I look like a brain." And the banana says, "Can we please change the subject?"
What's the difference between a hooker and a burrito?
I don't eat burritos.
When we talk of our X, some people talk of their XXX. 🤣
The twin towers were basically Angry Birds but in real life.
What is the difference between McDonald's and 9/11?
McDonald's has a drive-through. Twin Towers has a fly-through.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. A face like yours belongs in a zoo. Don't worry, I'll be there too. Not in the cage, but laughing at YOU!
What’s the difference between a mushroom and a tree?
One's a fucking tree.
What is the difference between a suicidal person and you? None, you are both dead on the inside.
Highest level of insult by a girl by seeing a guy's dick:
"I can shit bigger logs than that thing of your's" 🤣
What makes Squidward and a Quandale Dingle the same?
They both got them big parts.
What's the difference between Putin and Hitler? I don’t know, you tell me.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?... one gets picked.
The maid asked her boss, the wife, for a raise, and the wife was upset.
The wife asked, "Why do you think you deserve a pay increase?"
Maid: "There are three reasons. The first is that I iron better than you."
Wife: "Who said that?"
Maid: "Your husband."
Wife: "Oh."
Maid: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you."
Wife: "Who said that?"
Maid: "Your husband."
Wife: "Oh."
Maid: "The third reason is that I am better at sex than you."
Wife: "Did my husband say that as well?"
Maid: "No, the gardener did."
Wife: "So how much do you want?"
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple tree?
Apples get picked.
What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?
The anesthesia takes time to put you under.
What's the difference between the righteous and a sinner?
You decide.