Comparison jokes
Me: Looks like a girl, sure as h3ll I don't sound like one.
Michael Jackson: Looks like a boy, sure as h3ll don't sound like one.
That [is] what we have i[n] commen, but if you mix up my gender I won't give a F about it. Michael Jackson not so much : )
What do friends and trees have in common? They both fall down when you hit them with an axe.
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
One gets picked.... (not the orphan)
What is the difference between a coconut and your ex?
One is fun to knock down by throwing rocks at, the other one is a coconut.
What makes Stephen Hawking and your dumped girlfriend similar?
They can't stand up for themselves.
Women have less rights than a NASCAR track.
You're so tall that you are a measuring tape.
Roses are red. Your blood is too. You look like a monkey And belong in a zoo.
Do not worry, I will be there too. Not in the cage, But laughing at you.
What is the difference between you and Iron Man? You have a wonky hairline.
Your hairline is so hideous that Derrick White's hairline envies yours.
Women are like the Twin Towers. After you smash them, and if some little people start jumping out, the government is gonna tax the shit outta you.
Leo might not be the dumbest person in the world... but she’d better hope they don’t DIE!
It's said Duracell batteries are supposed to last 75 years, well Stephen, here you are.
Omg wassup dude, why does your hair look just like a young Whoopi Goldberg from "The Color Purple?" Them damn stanky looking corn bread rows on your head; you look like a damn cheetah pet. Che che che cheetah, they available at Wal-Mart, Dollar Tree, Target, and Kroger.
What number is better than 69?
88 'cause you get ate twice.
What's the difference between a pig and a police officer?
The pig smells better.
What's the difference between your mom in bed and Biden in the presidential race?
Your mom finishes.
My short friend called me a scrub, even though he was the one below me.
Your hairline design was used as the Batman logo!
If I wanted to kill myself, I would just climb up your ego and jump down to your IQ.