You're so skinny, you could travel through a fax!
What do emo kids and Hitler have in common?
There's gonna be more brains on the wall when they lose something.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. A face like yours belongs in a zoo. Don't worry, I'll be there too. Not in the cage, but laughing at YOU!
On a scale of Johnny Depp having an erectile dysfunction to Michael Jackson exposing himself in a child day care center, how hard is it to get into Oxford?
My daughter is the most adorable little girl in the world. She's got my sister's eyes.
Yo hairline be lookin' like Elmo's toe fungus.
Yo forehead so big, NASA thought it was Mars.
Broccoli says, "I look like a tree."
Walnut says, "I look like a brain."
Cashew says, "I look like a kidney."
Banana says, "Can we change the topic please?"
What do emos and the Twin Towers have in common? There were two, but now there are none.
Your forehead's so big, it makes Kanye's ego small.
Not totally a joke but... What do all these rape joke naysayers have in common with rapists? They are also forcing themselves on others.
Suicidal ideation is like wanting to slaughter someone but knowing/feeling that you can't. It's also, in a way, kind of like seeing a really hot chick that you wish you could F, but you again for whatever reason you either feel you can't or you just can't.
Americans be like: "Here is the US, we drive on the right side of the road."
England be like: "Here in the UK, we drive on the left side of the road."
Russians after a car accident be like: "Here in Russia, road is road."
What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza? Pizza won't cut itself.
Some girl just walks into my 6th period geography class. The first thing I think is, "Oh shit! It's mini Regina George without titties!"
Whenever your ex says, "You'll never find someone like me," the answer to that is, "That's the point."
Relationships are like fat people.
Most of them don’t work out.
What is the difference between a whore and an onion?
You don't cry when you chop a whore.
You know what flowers and depressed people have in common?
Both end up getting cut.
What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
