Comparison jokes
What's the difference between a refrigerator and a gay guy? You have to ask permission before stuffing it with meat.
Who are the fastest readers in the world? The 9/11 terrorists went through like 78 stories in 7 seconds.
What do emo kids and Hitler have in common?
There's gonna be more brains on the wall when they lose something.
Are you a camera? Because every time I look at you, I smile.
Sometimes I feel ugly, then I think of my sister and get over it.
Memes
What's the difference between humans and trash cans? One's actually useful.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. A face like yours belongs in a zoo. Don't worry, I'll be there too. Not in the cage, but laughing at YOU!
What do girls and noodles have in common?
They both wiggle when you eat them.
My daughter is the most adorable little girl in the world. She's got my sister's eyes.
Yo forehead so big, NASA thought it was Mars.
What do emos and the Twin Towers have in common? There were two, but now there are none.
Your forehead's so big, it makes Kanye's ego small.
Yo hairline be lookin' like Elmo's toe fungus.
Not totally a joke but... What do all these rape joke naysayers have in common with rapists? They are also forcing themselves on others.
Q: What is Trump?
A: An oversized oompa loompa.
Relationships are like fat people.
Most of them don’t work out.
Americans be like: "Here is the US, we drive on the right side of the road."
England be like: "Here in the UK, we drive on the left side of the road."
Russians after a car accident be like: "Here in Russia, road is road."
Some girl just walks into my 6th period geography class. The first thing I think is, "Oh shit! It's mini Regina George without titties!"
What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza? Pizza won't cut itself.
Suicidal ideation is like wanting to slaughter someone but knowing/feeling that you can't. It's also, in a way, kind of like seeing a really hot chick that you wish you could F, but you again for whatever reason you either feel you can't or you just can't.