Comparison jokes
What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
120 pounds.
What do noodles and women have in common? They both wiggle when you eat them.
How are genders different than the Twin Towers?
There are two genders.
How is a priest like a wristwatch?
They both start at 12.
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and Rocket League? You can't stand up.
Personally, I think putting beans on toast is better than bullets in children.
What do Star Trek and toilet paper have in common?
Both fly around Uranus and wipe out Klingons!
What's the difference between yo mama and a fat ugly pig? - I never fucked that fat ugly pig...
I thought the Sahara was the largest desert until I saw your forehead.
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and acne?
Acne waits until you're 13 to come on your face.
What's the difference between a fish and a car?
You can tune a car... but you can't TUNA fish! x3
What’s the difference between a hoe and a rooster?
A rooster says, "Cock-a-doodle-doo," and a hoe says, "Any cock will do."
What’s the difference between cereal and a baby?
I personally think cereal is not nutritious.
Life is like a box of chocolates, they f*cking melt :)
What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?
"They can move it, move it." (from King Julian)
Okay, roses are red, violets are blue, Barney looks better than you.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a slice of pizza?
A dead baby can't feed a family.
Women have less rights than a NASCAR track.
What is the difference between a wheelchair and a walker?
My new stepfather told me that I'm his new son, so I said okay.
My stepfather said that my and your mom have a few things in common. I said, "Yeah, like what?" My stepfather said, "Well, you came out of your mother's pussy; I eat your mother's pussy. You used to suck on your mother's tits; now I suck on your mother's tits. Your mother used to smack you in the ass when you act up; now I smack your mom in the ass now. Your mother calls me daddy; now I am your new daddy."