Comparison jokes
What do emo kids and Hitler have in common?
There's gonna be more brains on the wall when they lose something.
What's the difference between humans and trash cans? One's actually useful.
Are you a camera? Because every time I look at you, I smile.
Sometimes I feel ugly, then I think of my sister and get over it.
Who are the fastest readers in the world? The 9/11 terrorists went through like 78 stories in 7 seconds.
Memes
Me verses my mother
What do girls and noodles have in common?
They both wiggle when you eat them.
My daughter is the most adorable little girl in the world. She's got my sister's eyes.
Yo forehead so big, NASA thought it was Mars.
What do emos and the Twin Towers have in common? There were two, but now there are none.
Yo hairline be lookin' like Elmo's toe fungus.
Your forehead's so big, it makes Kanye's ego small.
Not totally a joke but... What do all these rape joke naysayers have in common with rapists? They are also forcing themselves on others.
What is the difference between a whore and an onion?
You don't cry when you chop a whore.
Q: What is Trump?
A: An oversized oompa loompa.
Whenever your ex says, "You'll never find someone like me," the answer to that is, "That's the point."
Relationships are like fat people.
Most of them don’t work out.
Suicidal ideation is like wanting to slaughter someone but knowing/feeling that you can't. It's also, in a way, kind of like seeing a really hot chick that you wish you could F, but you again for whatever reason you either feel you can't or you just can't.
What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza? Pizza won't cut itself.
Nice! Angry Birds really has improved.
Some girl just walks into my 6th period geography class. The first thing I think is, "Oh shit! It's mini Regina George without titties!"