Q: What's the difference between an egg and me?
A: An egg gets laid.
My life is a lot like a game of Black Jack.
I always hit on 16, then get busted.
What's the difference between a dead baby in a dumpster and a treasure chest? It's a surprise when you find the treasure.
Q: What is Trump?
A: An oversized oompa loompa.
What do a convention of nerds and Kurt Cobain's garage have in common?
There's brains all over the place.
What's the difference between a Nazi and an onion? If you cut a Nazi, nobody is crying.
What's the difference between a cat and a banana? It's hard to peel a cat.
What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza?
Pizza won't cut itself.
A Texan and an Alaskan walk into a room, and the Alaskan says, "My state is bigger." Then the Texan says, "It won't be when it melts."
What do dark humor and a person with scoliosis have in common?
Both are sick and twisted.
A guy and girl had a sex poem competition.
Guy: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I can put mine in yours, but you can't put yours in mine."
Girl: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I know the length of yours, but you won't know the depth of mine."
I like my women like I like my wine. 16 and locked in my in a basement.
Girls are like rocks, the flat ones get skipped.
What's the difference between a baby and a potato? 140 calories.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?... one gets picked.
When someone saw your hairline, they thought it was a Dorito logo.
How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?
As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.
What is the difference between an emo kid and a cutting board?
Q: Why aren't there any Walmarts in Afghanistan?
A: Because there's a Target on every corner.
Suicide is as easy as my ex-wife.
