Comparison jokes

Girls: Boys are like games, they're meant to get played.

Boys: Girls are like stones, the flat ones get skipped.

What do chicken on a plancha and emos have in common?

They both are hung.

Roses are red, violets are blue, people think that you’re fat, until they saw your mom.

I don’t get why Katniss was bitching so much in ‘The Hunger Games’ books. Ethiopia has been competing for years and I don’t hear any of them complaining.

Your mum is so cool, she looks like a fridge. Quote: Jude Porters.

- Yo mama is so fat, when she wears a yellow dress, people yell "Taxi!"

- Yo mama is so stupid, she tried to climb Mountain Dew.

- Yo mama is so ugly, she made a blind kid cry.

- Yo mama is so old, she knew Burger King when he was still a prince.

- Yo mama is so poor, she can't even afford to pay attention.

My friend said, "Why do you have depression? There is so much happiness in the world." And I said, "Why do you have asthma? There is so much air in the world."

How are guys and tile floors alike?

If you lay them right the first time you can walk all over them for years.

Nobody: Aww, that's so sad!

Me: Just like me.

Suicidal ideation is like wanting to slaughter someone but knowing/feeling that you can't. It's also, in a way, kind of like seeing a really hot chick that you wish you could F, but you again for whatever reason you either feel you can't or you just can't.

Life is like a box of chocolates; it doesn’t last long for people.

Sometimes I feel ugly, then I think of my sister and get over it.

A guy and girl had a sex poem competition.

Guy: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I can put mine in yours, but you can't put yours in mine."

Girl: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I know the length of yours, but you won't know the depth of mine."

Jokes are like Indians.

They never die, they just get reincarnated.

How are Kentucky Fried Chicken and a woman the same?

Once you take away the legs and the breasts, you’re left with one greasy box to put your bone in.

What's the difference between a baby and a cooked chicken?

Several hundred calories.

There's a difference between my brother and Stephen Hawking.

At least Stephen Hawking does something.

What do alcoholics and amputees have in common?

They are both legless.

what's the difference between a feminist and a knife?

one has a point.

What's the difference between a dick and a rock?

One's hard.