Comparison jokes
Nice! Angry Birds really has improved.
What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza? Pizza won't cut itself.
Americans be like: "Here is the US, we drive on the right side of the road."
England be like: "Here in the UK, we drive on the left side of the road."
Russians after a car accident be like: "Here in Russia, road is road."
Q: Why is Hitler better than Biden?
A: Because Hitler gave gas to his people for free.
Suicidal ideation is like wanting to slaughter someone but knowing/feeling that you can't. It's also, in a way, kind of like seeing a really hot chick that you wish you could F, but you again for whatever reason you either feel you can't or you just can't.
My bitch as flat as her grannie's heartbeat.
You know what flowers and depressed people have in common?
Both end up getting cut.
What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
Holy shit there's so many yo mama jokes. Here's mine: Yo mama so skinny she used a cheerio as a hula hoop.
Yo mama so fat that she made a plane unstable and crashed it into the Twin Towers.
Yo mama so old that she has Jesus's autograph.
Yo mama so ugly that not even makeup can save her.
Yo mama so dumb that she thought Rocket League was a competition between kids in wheelchairs.
Q: What's the difference between an egg and me?
A: An egg gets laid.
What's the difference between a dead baby in a dumpster and a treasure chest? It's a surprise when you find the treasure.
What's the difference between a cat and a banana? It's hard to peel a cat.
When someone saw your hairline, they thought it was a Dorito logo.
What is the difference between an emo kid and a cutting board?
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?... one gets picked.
Suicide is as easy as my ex-wife.
What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza?
Pizza won't cut itself.
What's the difference between an ugly monster and you?
Nothing.
Q: Why aren't there any Walmarts in Afghanistan?
A: Because there's a Target on every corner.
What do dark humor and a person with scoliosis have in common?
Both are sick and twisted.