Comparison jokes
What does a sex offender and Santa have in common?
They will come down your "chimney" tonight.
Yo mama so big, she thought Christopher Rhoades was a tampon.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
Apples are actually picked.
What's the difference between a priest and McDonald's?
They both like to slide their meat between 10 year old buns.
What’s the difference between Hitler and Steven Hawking?
Nothing, they're both dead, one painted the walls and the other committed suicide by pressing ALT + F4.
You wanna know what's the difference between a girl and a refrigerator? "A refrigerator doesn't moan when I put my meat in it."
The Twin Towers collapsed faster than my grandma did.
What do Michael Jackson and a Playstation have in common? They both get turned on by kids.
What do friends and trees have in common? They both fall down when you hit them with an axe.
Why are women like KFC? After you finish with the thigh and the breasts, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
What's the difference between a Mexican and a book?
The book has papers.
What’s the difference between a clock and an orphan's dad? The clock comes back around.
What's the difference between Donald Trump and a dirty diaper?
Answer: none, they're both self-absorbed and full of sh*t!
How can you compare a gay prostitute to Pacman?
They both get paid to eat 200 balls!
If I wanted to kill myself, I would climb to the top of your ego then jump to your IQ.
You're so clapped that you make Susan Boyle attractive.
What's the difference between Obama and Trump?
Obama was a president and Trump was a whiny bitch!
Who are the fastest readers in the world? The 9/11 terrorists went through like 78 stories in 7 seconds.
What do women and pools have in common?
They both cost a lot of money to maintain for the amount of time you’re inside of them.