Comparison jokes
What does a race track and your hairline have in common? They both go up and down.
What's the difference between you and a bench?
A bench can hold a family.
What do emos and unsalted popcorn have in common?
They're both white and flavorless.
If ugliness was a brick, you would be the Great Wall of China.
What's the difference between an emo and a banana?
They both hang like apples.
What is the difference between women and cars?
At least one of them retained their value after getting wrecked.
What do alcoholics and amputees have in common?
They are both legless.
Jokes are like Indians.
They never die, they just get reincarnated.
Yo mama so fat, when she went to a dating service, they ended up matching her up with Pittsburgh.
They say I’m sliced like the apples in a kids meal.
We all know Albert Einstein was a genius, but his brother Frank was a monster.
I like my women like I like my diving pools.
Wet and deep.
What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?
You can't use a pitchfork to get the bowling ball out of the truck.
How are guys and tile floors alike?
If you lay them right the first time you can walk all over them for years.
What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just killed?
Isaac Newton died a virgin!😎
Kids are like a box of chocolates, they taste so good and you never know what you are going to get.
Who is more loyal: a dog or a wife?
Well, lock them both in your trunk for two hours and drive around and see which one is happy to see you.
What does a Catholic Priest and a commercial from the 80s have in common? They both ask people, "Where's the meat?"
Roses are red, just like your lips.
Mountains are big, just like your tits.
What's the difference between a baby and a mansion?
I've never seen the inside of a mansion.