Comparison jokes
Your mom is heavier than Mariah can even carry.
What's the difference between your dad and a boomerang?
The boomerang comes back.
What's the difference between an emo and a banana?
They both hang like apples.
If ugliness was a brick, you would be the Great Wall of China.
Bro, I thought your hairline was the Dorito logo.
What does a zebra and I have in common?
We both have stripes.
What does an apple have in common with an emo kid?
Answer: They both hang.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
Apples get picked.
What is the difference between a woman and my fridge?
Only one moans when I put my meat in it.
My current love life is like a god. It’s not real.
What's the difference between a pig and a police officer?
The pig smells better.
Your forehead is so big even Mega Mind knew you were smarter.
What do tofu and a dildo have in common? They're both meat substitutes.
I like my women like I like my diving pools.
Wet and deep.
Jokes are like Indians.
They never die, they just get reincarnated.
What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?
You can't use a pitchfork to get the bowling ball out of the truck.
How are guys and tile floors alike?
If you lay them right the first time you can walk all over them for years.
What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just killed?
Isaac Newton died a virgin!😎
Kids are like a box of chocolates, they taste so good and you never know what you are going to get.
Roses are red, just like your lips.
Mountains are big, just like your tits.