Comparison jokes

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are all in the 9th grade. Which one is the sexiest?

The blonde, because she’s the only one who’s 18.

The only thing drier than these jokes is your mom.

What's the difference between you and a bench?

A bench can hold a family.

What do emos and unsalted popcorn have in common?

They're both white and flavorless.

I like my coffee like my women.

Amateur.

What does a race track and your hairline have in common? They both go up and down.

Jokes are like Indians.

They never die, they just get reincarnated.

Roses are red, violets are blue. I thought someone else was ugly, but then I saw you.

What's the difference between a grenade and your wife? There's none. Take out the ring and half of the house is gone.

What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?

You can't use a pitchfork to get the bowling ball out of the truck.

How are guys and tile floors alike?

If you lay them right the first time you can walk all over them for years.

What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just killed?

Isaac Newton died a virgin!😎

Kids are like a box of chocolates, they taste so good and you never know what you are going to get.

What does a Catholic Priest and a commercial from the 80s have in common? They both ask people, "Where's the meat?"

Who is more loyal: a dog or a wife?

Well, lock them both in your trunk for two hours and drive around and see which one is happy to see you.

Roses are red, just like your lips.

Mountains are big, just like your tits.

What's the difference between a baby and a mansion?

I've never seen the inside of a mansion.

What do you call a white person having a seizure?

A saltshaker.

My short friend called me a scrub, even though he was the one below me.

What's the difference between the Twin Towers and the people at the old folks home?

They both collapsed.