Comparison jokes
What's the difference between a PC and a 6 year old? I don't have to clean out my PC.
1. You're so dumb, you think Cheerios are donut seeds!
2. You're so fat, you could sell shade!
3. You're just like coconut water, nobody likes you!
4. Have you been shopping lately? Because they're selling lives around the corner, you should go get one!
If being ugly was a crime, you would get a life sentence!!
Are these good?
Your hairline looks like someone tried to erase it using Microsoft Paint.
VVD [is] better than Sergio Ramos.
Why is leather armor better for sneaking than steel armor?
Leather armor is made of hide.
What does the depressed person say to the happy person?
"Damn, I wish I was on the stuff you're on, lol."
Your hairline looks like a brick wall.
I don’t get why Katniss was bitching so much in ‘The Hunger Games’ books. Ethiopia has been competing for years and I don’t hear any of them complaining.
I like my women like I like my microwaves.
Hot, ready to go when I am, and able to kill any baby I put in her.
What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.
I'm better than you in every single way... I even have an extra chromosome.
Someone: "I got chickens out there vibin'."
Me: "What? Oh, you mean those over-sized chickens that just show an example of you in real life?"
Someone: . . .
What has more brains than a student in a school shooting? The wall behind them.
What is the difference between a sloth and a depressed kid? A sloth doesn't need a rope to hang.
What's the difference between a feminist and Hitler?
Both were good at starting wars, only difference was Hitler knew when to kill himself afterwards.
The broccoli says, "I look like a small tree." The mushroom says, "I look like an umbrella." The walnut says, "I look like a brain." And the banana says, "Can we please change the subject?"
The only thing colder than Siberia is my girlfriend's ex!
What's the difference between you and Jesus? Your parents remember Jesus's birth date.
Jesus and Satan are just basically Homer and Flanders. One tries to help the other, only for Satan to just say, "Shut up!"
"Little John, she is fat." How? He said, "Like a pig."