Comparison jokes
A mirror and a terrorist are the same... Only... a mirror doesn't need a gun to kill.
What does my arm have in common with paper?
They both can be cut.
Alright, I'm gonna drink the lo-carb one to see how it compares to the normal Monster.
Holy shit, it tastes just like the original one.
There's like a weird after taste though.
Kinda like a sparkling water one.
I love Monster. I've drank about 5 cans already.
Why use Heathrow when we have your forehead?
Why are Michael Jackson and caviar so much in common?
They both come on little white crackers.
Q: How are Clocks like Pedophiles? A: They both stop at 12.
What is the difference between you and Iron Man? You have a wonky hairline.
What's the difference between a Lambo and a pile of dead kids?
I don't have a Lambo in my garage.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I thought Shrek was ugly, until I saw you.
What's the difference between a child and a carrot? About 140 calories.
What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can't unscrew a pregnant woman.
What's a similarity between a broken lightbulb and a pregnant woman?
They're both accidents.
What’s the difference between Disney+ and P*rnhub?
Disney+ wants you to hate your stepmother.
The bushes outside got jealous after they saw your eyebrows.
Roses are red. Your blood is too. You look like a monkey And belong in a zoo.
Do not worry, I will be there too. Not in the cage, But laughing at you.
Bro, are you an Oompa Loompa? Because you look like you just came from the chocolate factory.
Your forehead is so large, if I drew an H on it, maybe Kobe could've landed.
What's the difference between a prostitute and a daredevil? One has cunning stunts, whilst the other has a stunning...
On a scale of Johnny Depp having an erectile dysfunction to Michael Jackson exposing himself in a child day care center, how hard is it to get into Oxford?
Your forehead is so big, it's bigger than a school!
Your face is crustier than the Sahara Desert.