Comparison jokes

What is the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby? One sticks to the roof of your mouth, while the other one doesn't!

What's the difference between an egg and a good wank?

You can beat an egg.

What's bigger than the Milky Way?

Michael Jackson's nose.

Your forehead is so big, Megamind thought he was your long lost sibling.

Whats the difference between NASA and religion NASA takes you through space Religion takes you through two towers

What’s the difference between a hoe and a rooster?

A rooster says, "Cock-a-doodle-doo," and a hoe says, "Any cock will do."

Yo mama so ugly, when I put her next to a naked mole rat, it said "bluetooth connected."

What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.

My daughter is the most adorable little girl in the world. She's got my sister's eyes.

What's the difference between an orphan and a vegetable?

The vegetable gets picked.

What’s the difference between an ant and an orphan?

The ant knows where home is.

Maybe I should call you Patrick Star, wanna know why?

Because you're fat, stupid, lazy and everyone laughs at you for it.

What's the difference between a man and a table?

The table doesn't cry when I break its legs.

You're as tall as a giraffe.

Well, that's why you look like a baked bean!

What's better: nailing Jesus or getting nailed?

Depends on who's sucking.

You wanna know the difference between a rake and your mom? The rake is actually useful.

You say this to your friend, "Damn, your nuts are bigger than mine!" *thinks the wrong way*.

Friend: I must order more nuts.

When you want to see and smell your ex for the last time, look at a ugly dog, and smell the garbage.

What's the difference between a Mexican and a book?

The book has papers.

Your head so big you can wash a big TV on it!