Comparison jokes
What's the difference between a pig and a police officer?
The pig smells better.
They say I’m sliced like the apples in a kids meal.
We all know Albert Einstein was a genius, but his brother Frank was a monster.
Your forehead is so big even Mega Mind knew you were smarter.
Are you my fish? Because you're supposed to be dead.
What does a zebra and I have in common?
We both have stripes.
What does an apple have in common with an emo kid?
Answer: They both hang.
My current love life is like a god. It’s not real.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
Apples get picked.
What is the difference between a woman and my fridge?
Only one moans when I put my meat in it.
Two cunts are better than one, but one cunt is better than none.
I like my women like I like my diving pools.
Wet and deep.
What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?
You can't use a pitchfork to get the bowling ball out of the truck.
How are guys and tile floors alike?
If you lay them right the first time you can walk all over them for years.
What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just killed?
Isaac Newton died a virgin!😎
Kids are like a box of chocolates, they taste so good and you never know what you are going to get.
Roses are red, just like your lips.
Mountains are big, just like your tits.
Who is more loyal: a dog or a wife?
Well, lock them both in your trunk for two hours and drive around and see which one is happy to see you.
What does a Catholic Priest and a commercial from the 80s have in common? They both ask people, "Where's the meat?"
What's the difference between a baby and a mansion?
I've never seen the inside of a mansion.