Comparison jokes

A fat man meets a skinny man.

The fat man tells the skinny man: "When people look at you, they think the world's starving to death."

And the skinny man responds: "When they look at you, they know why."

Husband: "I bet you can't say something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time."

Wife: "You have the biggest penis out of all your friends."

What's the difference between Paul Walker and a computer?

I give a fuck when my computer crashes.

It looks like a runner bean, only smaller.

From the makers of Mangeone...

Your hairline goes back to when Jeff Bezos had hair.

What does Michael Jackson and tuna fish have in common?

They both come in small can.

What's the difference between eggs and you? Eggs get laid, you don't.

FEMA during a natural disaster is kinda like me during sex. Slow to respond and not a lot of satisfying results.

Little Johnny was walking down a dirt country road, and he came upon an old farmer leaning against a fence looking sad, shaking his head. He walked up to the old farmer and asked him what's wrong. The old farmer said, "My mule, he just won't do nothing. He don't work anymore, always looking sad, barely eats, just sad." Little Johnny said, "Can I go talk to him?" "Sure," the old farmer said, "he's back in the barn." Little Johnny went back in the barn, saw the mule just sad, and sighing. A few minutes later, Little Johnny came out and said, "Your mule is fixed." The old farmer ran in, and saw the mule laughing, just rolling, and crying laughing. "Thank you, thank you," the old farmer said, and Little Johnny was on his way. Well, a few days later, Little Johnny was walking down the same old dirt road, and came upon the old farmer again, looking sad. "What's the matter?" Little Johnny asked. "It's my mule again. Ever since you talked to him, he won't do nothing, he won't work, just laughing all day. What did you say?" "Can I go in and talk to him again?" Little Johnny asked. "Sure," said the old farmer, "he's back in the barn." Little Johnny went in the barn and a few minutes later came back out. "Your mule is fixed, sir." The old farmer went in and saw the mule crying, crying really hard. The old farmer came running out of the barn, "Hey boy! What did you say to my mule? One day he's sad, then laughing, now he's crying. Just what did you say to my mule?" Little Johnny smiled and answered, "Well, the first time I told him my dick was bigger than his; this time I showed it to him."

Your hairline is more bent than James Charles' gender.

What is the difference between a gay man and a fridge? A fridge doesn't moan when you put meat in it.

What do alcoholics and amputees have in common?

They are both legless.

What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?

Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon, and Michael Jackson likes little boys.

Roses are red, Your blood is too. You look like a monkey and belong in a zoo.

Do not worry, I will be there too, Not in a cage but laughing at you!

What’s the difference between Swifties and rap fans?

One rap fan has a higher IQ than every Swiftie combined.

Write a different joke of onions and a dead baby.

Amelia is hotter than my mum 696969696.

What's the difference between me and a rope?

A rope will hang with you.

Yo mama like a penny: two-faced, worthless, and in everybody’s pants.

What's the difference between a speed bump and a road kill?

About 40 mph.