Comparison jokes
Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
I saw a monkey yesterday, and thought it was you.
What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a bicycle and a badly dressed man on a unicycle? Attire.
What's the difference between a Nazi and an onion? If you cut a Nazi, nobody is crying.
What do Star Trek and toilet paper have in common?
Both fly around Uranus and wipe out Klingons!
What is the difference between a feminist and a gorilla? One of them is fat and hairy, while the other one has a functional brain (the gorilla, of course).
Happens every time
Yo, your hairline look like a cup.
They found water on Mars. Mars:1 Africa:0
What do you get when you put a suicide bomber in a wheel chair? An RC-XD.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? Orphans don't get picked.
What is the difference between a tree and walking home from a wheelchair?
Once I saw Donald Trump and an orange and couldn’t tell the difference 😂
Gary Glitter was imprisoned for inappropriate relations with preteens. Not to be outdone, Kelly Clarkson exclaimed, "Hold my Bud Light!" whilst grasping her 1-year-old daughter.
Q: What’s the difference between Usain Bolt and Adolf Hitler?
A: One got to finish a race.
How is slavery different from Pokémon?
The types you can have.
The Twin Towers and genders have a lot in common. There used to be two, and now it's just a touchy subject.
Husband: "I bet you can't say something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time."
Wife: "You have the biggest penis out of all your friends."
What does a zebra and I have in common?
We both have stripes.
Roses are red, violets are blue.
Shrek is ugly, but not uglier than you.
Q: How are Clocks like Pedophiles? A: They both stop at 12.
What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just killed?
Isaac Newton died a virgin!😎
Roses are red, violets are blue, but at least a dumptruck isn't as ugly as you.
Your maw *microsoft shutting down noise*