Comparison jokes
What do emos and unsalted popcorn have in common?
They're both white and flavorless.
If ugliness was a brick, you would be the Great Wall of China.
I like my women like I like my diving pools.
Wet and deep.
They say I’m sliced like the apples in a kids meal.
We all know Albert Einstein was a genius, but his brother Frank was a monster.
Memes
What's the difference between you and a bench?
A bench can hold a family.
Water was found on Mars.
Mars: 1 Africa: 0
What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?
You can't use a pitchfork to get the bowling ball out of the truck.
What’s the similarity between your uncle and your hands?
They can both do dirty things.
How are guys and tile floors alike?
If you lay them right the first time you can walk all over them for years.
What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just killed?
Isaac Newton died a virgin!😎
Kids are like a box of chocolates, they taste so good and you never know what you are going to get.
Who is more loyal: a dog or a wife?
Well, lock them both in your trunk for two hours and drive around and see which one is happy to see you.
What does a Catholic Priest and a commercial from the 80s have in common? They both ask people, "Where's the meat?"
What's the difference between the Twin Towers and the people at the old folks home?
They both collapsed.
What's the difference between an apple and emos?
They both hang on trees.
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
One of them gets picked.
What happens if the dumbest person from Europe goes to the US?
The average IQ increases in both places.
My short friend called me a scrub, even though he was the one below me.
What’s the difference between a dumpster full of dead babies and a Lamborghini?
I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.